tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-282528372024-03-12T23:39:03.469-04:00The Crayfish Diaries: Rude News & Ill ThinkingBlackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.comBlogger158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-13991994755129221492018-06-29T10:08:00.001-04:002018-06-29T10:08:55.965-04:00EU4 Savoy-Italy Parts 5 - 14<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]-->OK, I realise I have got behind with the EU4 reports, which is fine, because I doubt there is a soul in the depths of the internet who actually reads them. I decided to drop the final 9 parts in one huge blog post. I figure I will just do an AAR after every game rather than blog my way through it, because I don't really have the time. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 341.25pt;">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia-Piedmont Part 5:
Tuscan Raiders</b><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"><b> </b> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 341.25pt;">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The colonies are coming along OK, even if every five minutes
I have to deal with native uprisings. I hire a conquistador and send him deep
into terra incognita, and meet a bunch of new tribes, who don’t seem too
bothered about me. The nearest one to me is the Creek. I send a few diplomats
over to let them know that I’m NOT LIKE the other Europeans. I really hope they
believe me. Spanish Louisiana is still only three counties, like my own colony
in Florida, but French Texas (Or more accurately French Mexico) is expanding in
both directions, north and south. They are now pushing up against the
Spaniards.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now it’s time to decide what to do next in Europe. My
expansion options are varied. I could try to take more of Provence, but they
are allied with France so it almost doesn’t seem worth it. Switzerland has good
resources but they’re still in the HRE so I’m not sure I want the heat from the
Emperor. Anyway, Austria has eaten most of the country already. Mantua is just
sitting there waiting to be conquered, so I don’t feel any particular hurry
there. No, the obvious target in the Italian arena is Tuscany. And it just so
happens that if I want to form Italy, I’m going to need to conquer them. Force
them into a personal union, if possible.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One problem though, is that they are allied with France as
well. Now, I’m still keeping France pretty sweet, aided by the fact a few
decades ago a cousin became King of France. Don’t get me wrong, I still intend
to revenge myself on them for the slight given during the Cologne-Savoy
Punitive War back in the last century. But right now alienating them is a big
risk. My only hope is that they take little part in the fighting and I can
diplomatically fix the relationship afterwards.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I declare on Tuscany with a simple claim war for the
province of Lucca. Right away France is called into the war, as is Hungary.
Luckily, I have my biggest buddies on hand to help – England and Austria. I
decide to use a modified Schlieffen Plan – blitz Tuscany until it collapses and
then wheel round to attack France before they have time to mobilise. This works
wonders because Tuscany is far behind me in military tech and sparsely defended
by forts. In two battles I stackwipe the Tuscan forces then completely occupy
the country. I also win a couple of naval battles, but the larger part of their
fleet hides in the Aegean, where I don’t fancy attacking. Still, that’s nowhere
near the percentage of warscore I need to force a PU, so it’s off to France I
go.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hTnSRo49z3g/WuUW6XHWOtI/AAAAAAAAAnU/F4W3cVkenKsJrCm5Qj8A5pPGlWcrDB8AQCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-31%2B8_55_35%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hTnSRo49z3g/WuUW6XHWOtI/AAAAAAAAAnU/F4W3cVkenKsJrCm5Qj8A5pPGlWcrDB8AQCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-31%2B8_55_35%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mT_0jE1rq0s/WuUXAHpZzjI/AAAAAAAAAnY/6e4wSxXk_yArswT0nXd6vMjG44wDhgZAACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-31%2B8_59_51%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mT_0jE1rq0s/WuUXAHpZzjI/AAAAAAAAAnY/6e4wSxXk_yArswT0nXd6vMjG44wDhgZAACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-31%2B8_59_51%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
England has been keeping France fairly busy, invading and
occupying Hispaniola from its colonies in Brazil and the West Indies. With that
done, it sends a huge army to assault southern France while my troops cross the
Alps and start sieging down territory. Austria keeps the Hungarians busy while
all this is happening.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, there is one thing stopping me from pushing this
war all the way to 100%: Money. After embracing the printing press a while
back, I’ve been a little low on dough. When I hit 15 ducats I finally relent
and come to terms with the Tuscans. I nick five provinces, cutting them almost
in half. My allies got nothing but there’s no way I’m giving them land in Italy
that I need. I almost accidentally ceded Ferrara to Austria but stopped before
I did so. That would have been a catastrophe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, now I have massive overextension and have to take
a loan, but once I’ve cored some provinces I should be fine. Right?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia-Piedmont Part 6: Dutch Courage</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have I mentioned how much I love my allies the English?
They’re a great bunch, very polite, good with boats. They also have a PU with
the Netherlands. Which is on the verge of breaking down, as they so often do.
Apparently, the Dutch don’t like to be ruled by outsiders. Who could have seen
that coming? So we have a whopping great Dutch Revolt army marching down
through Burgundy, with the English frantically landing troops to try and stop
them. So, when you need subjugated populations oppressed, who are you gonna
call? Sardinia-Piedmont, that’s who! We’ve got Ligurians, Swiss, Tuscans,
Burgundians, all living under the stompy boots of absolute monarchy. We’re
really good at oppressing people. So I agree to help my good buddies out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the things I enjoy most about EU4 is the way that it
sometimes mirrors real world history but in subtly different ways. The
real-life Dutch Revolt saw England aiding the Dutch against their Spanish
Habsburg overlords. In my bizarro Dutch Revolt, the Dutch are revolting against
England, with Sardinia-Piedmont on their side.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xQNoBx1SK3E/Wuu3RfZNXUI/AAAAAAAAAns/OSuhM8sepcMMFrSHrLV0lP0TRNv-pPElACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-02%2B11_37_20%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xQNoBx1SK3E/Wuu3RfZNXUI/AAAAAAAAAns/OSuhM8sepcMMFrSHrLV0lP0TRNv-pPElACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-02%2B11_37_20%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, it doesn't work out so well. Before I can do much to help, the war ends with a small Dutch Republic forming and the remainder of Burgundy staying a monarchy. Oh well, not my problem.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f3hm6c4zkXk/Wuu3lVg91_I/AAAAAAAAAn0/FYhHAnt4NXAmEZ3tzGM3lU2-vLy4FafewCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-03%2B11_17_05%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-f3hm6c4zkXk/Wuu3lVg91_I/AAAAAAAAAn0/FYhHAnt4NXAmEZ3tzGM3lU2-vLy4FafewCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-03%2B11_17_05%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The colonies are growing. Gradually I’m spreading across the
eastern seaboard. My northernmost colony is currently Chesapeake, but I’m
aiming on getting the whole way up to Manhattan before long. I have enough
self-sufficient colonies to form a colonial nation, which I name New Savoy. I
sure hope they never grow gigantic and rise up in rebellion against me! That
would suck so bad! Spanish Louisiana is getting curbstomped by the Wichita.
Good. I send out some diplomats to the various Native American tribes and try
to keep them onside.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, Spain is trying to counter my colonisation
efforts by placing a new colony right in the way of my expansion. Seems
inevitable I’m going to have to fight them again soon. Another interloper is
Scotland, who have colonised Newfoundland and have a colony at Quebec. No way a
bizarre 7 Years War situation isn’t playing out there eventually.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh, and the War of the Protestant League started. I wanted
to get involved but I suppose I was not paying enough attention and they
started the war without me, and I can’t join. Shame. I’d have made a nice
addition to the Catholic League. It’s not like I bought the DLC FULL PRICE when
I realised I needed it for the 30 Years War. OH WAIT. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s kind of a crappy league war anyway. I don’t know if
that’s because it started immediately after I installed the DLC. Really it was
only a few small states in the HRE going Protestant. Bohemia, the Emperor, is
managing to keep them down without too much trouble. No way this is going to
take 30 years.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z5J_jSNwMQc/Wuu3zj9zYVI/AAAAAAAAAn4/rzYh5DMxQ5c7VHvy7RKPBvHyjUK4jxaQgCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-07%2B9_07_39%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Z5J_jSNwMQc/Wuu3zj9zYVI/AAAAAAAAAn4/rzYh5DMxQ5c7VHvy7RKPBvHyjUK4jxaQgCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-07%2B9_07_39%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What a disappointment!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia-Piedmont Part 7: The Canadian Unicorn</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3VemzKK07t8/Wuu4G6RUqqI/AAAAAAAAAoA/DjhWvnEMZpQr7L4aMp3vabvViNNhDTWNACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-13%2B8_24_57%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3VemzKK07t8/Wuu4G6RUqqI/AAAAAAAAAoA/DjhWvnEMZpQr7L4aMp3vabvViNNhDTWNACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-13%2B8_24_57%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I must share with you this ridiculous unicorn I have
discovered. Remember I briefly mentioned last time that Scotland had colonised
Newfoundland and was moving slowly down the St. Lawrence? I happened to look
away for a minute and when I look back, the AI has rebelled and formed the Grand Republic of
Canada with Scottish culture and Animism as its state religion. The last
remaining Scottish colony in North America is Fredericton, still stubbornly flying
the Lion Rampant.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The only possible thing I can think of that would have
caused this was when I last checked in Scottish Quebec was badly losing a war
with the Mikmaq. So my theory goes that the AI Mikmaq conquered Scottish Quebec
and had the counties to create Canada, and because it was an animist nation
that created it, it got the animist religion by default. I would ordinarily vow
to protect this beautiful unicorn at all costs, however, I have to ask: do I
really want to give my colonies the idea they can go independent?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UYYArcyE95g/Wuu4W0zPi0I/AAAAAAAAAoE/5zBpp5kiFRQF-9QJyOcF9y9huAyqtysEwCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-13%2B8_53_41%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UYYArcyE95g/Wuu4W0zPi0I/AAAAAAAAAoE/5zBpp5kiFRQF-9QJyOcF9y9huAyqtysEwCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-13%2B8_53_41%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It doesn’t matter though, since Canada immediately erupts
into a bitter civil war. Turns out there are quite a few Catholics still living
there who are not happy with the whole animism thing. It doesn’t take long for
the Catholics to retake all the provinces south of the St. Lawrence, with one
animist province to the north. Things aren’t looking good for poor baby Canada.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sVcK4MmEI3I/Wuu4xhjTo_I/AAAAAAAAAoQ/Z2ZKG-sKqts72JnjJPQDqRt7Dbf_FYkSwCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-17%2B10_48_03%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sVcK4MmEI3I/Wuu4xhjTo_I/AAAAAAAAAoQ/Z2ZKG-sKqts72JnjJPQDqRt7Dbf_FYkSwCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-17%2B10_48_03%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For me, on the other hand...</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, back in Europe, England calls me into a war with
Scotland. Since the Scots are miles away and no threat to me at all, I simply
don’t bother raising my troop maintenance and wait the war out. It’s not like
England needed my help anyway. When the war finally ends, Scotland is devoured
except for Caithness and the islands. My good buddy England is very close to
forming Great Britain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, the Emperor and King of Bohemia has died, causing
a mild disruption in the balance of power. The King of France has inherited
Bohemia, which is good because it means another country comes under the Di
Savoia banner, but bad because the King of France doesn’t exactly like me.
Luckily, my perennial ally Austria has become Emperor again, so no worries
there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I busy myself with building up my war chest and replacing
the ships I lost in the war with Tuscany. In addition, my manpower is
incredibly low, so if I want to finish Tuscany off when the truce ends, I’ll
need some years of peace. Once I take over the last Tuscan provinces and
Mantua, I could technically form Italy. It’s not like I’m going to be able to
take Naples from Spain anytime soon…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh holy shit. Naples broke free of Spain! They have a
Trastamera on the throne, so I royal marry them on the off chance I can get a
PU. To be honest, I don’t know if this will be possible. I’ll keep them sweet
for the time being, though, until I can conquer them militarily.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know what’s going on with Spain, because they seem
to be losing control of an awful lot of their provinces. Sicilian rebels rise
up and take over that particular island. I royal marry them as well, for the
same reason I’m cosying up to the Neopolitans. If I could PU one or both of
them some day, that’d be great.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It actually turns out, after reading a bit into this, I
don’t need Naples or Sicily to form Italy but somehow it feel like it would be
more satisfying if I had the lot. I’m tempted to put off forming it until I’ve
done the full conquest. Since I am a king already, I’m not sure there would be
any disadvantage to that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I do need, however, is Mantua and the rest of Tuscany.
I actually fight two wars for Mantua. The first against both Mantua and Tuscany
never really gets to the level where I’m able to demand full annexation of
Mantua. However, in the ensuing peace I force Tuscany to give me another two
provinces, so it’s all good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The second war is more successful, if more one-sided.
Sardinia-Piedmont teams up with Austria and England against Mantua, Mainz,
Memmingen and Venice. Since Venice is one province, and Mainz not much more,
this is easy. Sieging Mantua is the hard part, but while that happens half of
my armies and the Austrians deliver a bloody nose to the German allies, and I’m
able to peace them out for large sums of gold as well as 10% of their incomes
for 10 years. Venice, hiding behind a large fleet in the Aegean, is the last
holdout. From Treviso, my army watches across the strait, preparing for the
inevitable sack. I’m forced to build half a dozen new ships to give me the
numbers to take the Venetian fleet. As it happens, I don’t even need to fight
them. When my fleet appears in the Aegean, the Venetians dock their boats and
the strait reopens. I sack Venice, again. After that, Mantua accepts defeat. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Only Tuscany and the Papal State hold out in the northern part
of Italy. Because at some point we all have to fight the Pope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia-Piedmont Part 8: The Betrayal Redux</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Canada has now converted back to Catholicism and is doing
fine, even with its new neighbour Scotland. Ever since England went into Beast Mode
and all but eliminated Scotland, the Scots capital has been Fredericton. Since
they’re hemmed in by hostile First Nations, it’s only a matter of time before
they come to blows.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As for further south, my subject New Savoy is having
problems too. I suppose you can only push the Cherokee around for so long
before they push back. Teaming up with the Iroquois Confederacy, the Cherokee
launch an assault deep into my colonised lands. Weirdly, despite the fact I
have troops there, I can’t join in the fighting. I guess New Savoy has to
request my help? The upshot is that New Savoy loses and loses badly, half of
its territory being annexed by the Cherokee.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Furious, I ship 14K troops to the new world and make an
alliance with the Creek, who are not too fond of the Cherokee. Together we
launch a punitive expedition that returns all of the land that they took. I
understand now that I can only go for so long in the New World without making
some local alliances.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UWzqRnKQgs0/Wuu5PTnb0JI/AAAAAAAAAoY/3iosNV59pJU8-_2gDyrRzod0g5DcVWNbwCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-17%2B10_59_53%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UWzqRnKQgs0/Wuu5PTnb0JI/AAAAAAAAAoY/3iosNV59pJU8-_2gDyrRzod0g5DcVWNbwCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-17%2B10_59_53%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in Europe, Sardinia-Piedmont is as usual looking for some
more sneaky alliance moves to make. The King of Baden – a sprightly 115 years
old – has outlived his heir, and I take the opportunity to propose a royal
marriage, thinking that as usual nothing will come of it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m wrong. The King promptly dies and I form a personal
union with Baden. Baden is a puny one province minor, but I’m not one to look a
gift horse in the mouth. Unfortunately, the Emperor, my good buddy in Vienna
decides that this is a bridge too far. Maybe it was that he desired Baden for
himself, or that he doesn’t like me taking HRE lands, but the Habsburgs launch
a war to break the union, busting up our long-standing alliance in the process.
At this point, I care less about the Badenese succession and more about the
stinking, despicable, dead-eyed shittiness of this betrayal. After EVERYTHING
Austria and I have been through, that they would do this… such transgressions
must be punished.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily, I’m not alone. Great Britain would never forsake me
in such a trying time, and dispatches a fleet to the Mediterranean, which makes
short work of Austria’s puny fleet. While this is happening, I launch an
offensive, pushing up to the very gates of Vienna itself. Meanwhile the
Austrian army has taken Baden and is running roughshod over Lombardy. Thankfully
some British and Neapolitan troops are there to undo their work as the
Austrians make for Vienna. The Viennese make the mistake of dividing their
doomstack, one side going for Baden (which a sneaky British force has relieved)
and the other rushing to save Vienna. I’m able to catch one of the forces in
the Tirol and defeat it soundly. Then the Austrians are willing to come to
terms. I snatch the iron-rich province of Sudtirol (Trent) in the ensuing
peace.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tHfyvmv9hF0/WzLec4ksgmI/AAAAAAAAAo0/XLHdW-DNmhAvh3WRDils6Othf_EvxHFRQCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-18%2B10_42_55%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-tHfyvmv9hF0/WzLec4ksgmI/AAAAAAAAAo0/XLHdW-DNmhAvh3WRDils6Othf_EvxHFRQCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-18%2B10_42_55%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could be petty about this and add the Austrians to my
enemies list, but to be honest I need them to persuade my bigger neighbours
(talking about you, France and Spain) not to attack me. Great Britain does this
to a certain extent but they’re only usually useful for naval support. Nothing
can quite replace the reassuring feeling of having a 40K Austrian doomstack at
your back to help you out. So I immediately work on plastering over the cracks
in our friendship and soon I have an alliance again.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not all good news, though. New Savoy has been declared
on by the French colonies of the Antilles, and a strategic blunder I made when
colonising has been made woefully apparent. I actually started colonising in
Florida before being sidetracked by higher development provinces around
Chesapeake Bay and the Delaware Valley. This meant that my colony grew in two
great disconnected patches. Unfortunately, I let the Spanish get in between my
two colonies. This means when the Antilles troops attack the Florida peninsula,
New Savoy’s troops can’t get to them because they don’t have military access
and they don’t have enough troop transports. I can’t get into the war unless
they call me, so I just have to watch while the Antilles troops dogpile my very
first successful colonies until New Savoy peaces out and just lets them have
three of the four provinces. I am not at all pleased.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve just about recovered my manpower from the Austrian war
when I get a call to arms from Great Britain, who are invading Scotland for
what looks like the final time. All that is left of Scotland is Shetland and
the Hebrides, with all their land in the new world having been gobbled up by
Canada (still going strong). For a moment I’m not sure why they bother calling
me in at all, but then I realise that since the last battle on the British
Isles, Scotland has picked up an alliance with Spain. Ah.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So clearly GB’s plan is to use me to absorb the attacks of
the Spanish. Unfortunately, France won’t let me cross their lands so I’m stuck
on defense. No plundering through the Spanish countryside for me this time.
What I can do though is raid those annoyingly situated Spanish colonies in
Florida, the ones that cut New Savoy in two. I do just that, but a huge Spanish
force comes down from around Quebec where they’ve recently been trying to
expand. It’s a 23K stack against my 14.9K, so even though I have higher
military technology the odds are still not good. I park my army in between two
river crossings and put my best general in command.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mjS3lk8eFss/WzLfEbDgzwI/AAAAAAAAAo8/xhrlu31vEIgwhgtQh_3qJMcuOiKv7skcACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-28%2B9_05_19%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mjS3lk8eFss/WzLfEbDgzwI/AAAAAAAAAo8/xhrlu31vEIgwhgtQh_3qJMcuOiKv7skcACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-02-28%2B9_05_19%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is probably the biggest battle the New World has ever
seen. The Spanish suffer a penalty for attacking across a river and I get a
bonus for defensive fighting through my Savoyard ideas. Huge numbers of men
fall but my Gustavian Infantry hold the line. Another 6K Spanish forces join
the fight but I too am reinforced by 4K New Savoyard troops. In the end
Sardinia-Piedmont wins the day at a cost of nearly 10K dead, having inflicted a
similar number on the Spanish. But the Spanish force, broken and in disarray
has nowhere to flee, so my forces pursue and put them to a rout. When the
second battle is over Spain’s military presence in the New World is virtually
eliminated.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now, once again, I get to the point I get to in every
war when I wonder what I might get if I were to make a separate peace deal.
It’s not honourable, I know, but I didn’t get to be king by being honourable.
Turns out, Spain is willing to give me the parts of Alabama and Georgia they
colonised to peace out. I mean, I could help GB to the end, but with them
negotiating on my behalf what am I likely to get? In one fell swoop I could
take the lands that ought to have been mine in the first place. I’m tempted, so
I go for it. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New Savoy is big and strong now, the second strongest Colonial
Nation after French Mexico. Unfortunately, it is starting to get a little bit
too big for its britches. Maybe I taxed it too high or involved it in too many
costly wars, but there are murmurs from some quarters that maybe New Savoy
would be better off without its colonial overlord…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia-Piedmont Part 9 – The Dutch Reconquest of
Utrecht</b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l7UjqTn05T8/WzLfd5sdwsI/AAAAAAAAApE/xlSFEVeHBV8kUUSVceiRVlaC54eVh35VwCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-02%2B2_54_00%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-l7UjqTn05T8/WzLfd5sdwsI/AAAAAAAAApE/xlSFEVeHBV8kUUSVceiRVlaC54eVh35VwCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-02%2B2_54_00%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Dutch are becoming a pain in the arse. In my rush to
colonise as much of eastern North America as possible, they’ve taken over
France as my number 1 competitor. France seems to be concerning itself with
fighting the Navajo on the Great Plains for now, so I conquered the Huron and
took over Michigan and the Golden Horseshoe. However, I ran straight into an
annoying orange blob called Nova Hollandia. Yes, the Dutch have come, and
they’ve conquered a bunch of the former lands of the Grand Republic of Canada
(Would be Nova Scotia and New Brunswick IRL) banishing them to the island of
Anticosti. To make matters worse, they’re also colonising around Hudson Bay,
and moving south towards my new colonial subject nation of New Piedmont
(Southern Ontario and Michigan).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not only New Savoy that the Dutch have been menacing
though. Over in Europe, they’ve been eyeing tiny Utrecht, which they somehow
lost control of. When they declare war, Utrecht calls in Austria who in turn
asks me for aid. Any opportunity to mess with the Dutch, I accept.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uf1XL-05X7U/WzLf5Xsw6RI/AAAAAAAAApQ/GpBGf0SmOkIF-LEf5RUxCUN2d1OxDBTLgCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-02%2B2_57_49%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uf1XL-05X7U/WzLf5Xsw6RI/AAAAAAAAApQ/GpBGf0SmOkIF-LEf5RUxCUN2d1OxDBTLgCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-02%2B2_57_49%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Whoops, turns out this war is much bigger than I first
thought. In the red corner, the Netherlands, France, Bohemia, Antilles, French
Mexico, French Louisiana and Tuscany! In the blue corner, it’s me, my babies
Baden and New Savoy, Utrecht, Austria, Spain, Spanish Florida (now located in
Maine and New Hampshire), Hungary, Switzerland and Silesia. Technically, our
side seems to have the advantage. We’ve got a lot more men. However, they have
the most boats and have a huge manpower advantage in the New World. I’m
concerned that if me and Florida are wiped out there, France will run roughshod
over my colonies.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The European theatre opens with a joint offensive by the
Austrians and Hungarians on Bohemia. They’re cut off and isolated from their
allies so it’s over rather fast. While this is happening my armies crush what’s
left of Tuscany and push into southern France. France is locked down tight,
however with forts, so it’s hard going. Meanwhile France ignores us, crosses
the Pyrenees and inflicts a few defeats on the Spanish, who peace out fairly
quickly.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_0SACI8hWVI/WzLgllEiXhI/AAAAAAAAApg/Nm2qd8lPCB8p0XlY8ezRLHP62zmhk-kMgCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-02%2B3_20_55%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-_0SACI8hWVI/WzLgllEiXhI/AAAAAAAAApg/Nm2qd8lPCB8p0XlY8ezRLHP62zmhk-kMgCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-02%2B3_20_55%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve assigned my general with the best manouver ability to
my North American forces, who only number around 12,000. I initially try to
push into the Mississippi, but give up when I’m almost caught by a huge
doomstack. I resolve never to fight it if I can. Instead I siege the three
provinces on the Florida peninsula that used to belong to me, and then push
north to fight smaller French armies while the doomstack undoes my good work.
Then I siege some territory at the north of the country and I come back down
and re-seige the freed provinces. While I do this, Florida is sieging Nova
Hollandia. The warscore is ticking up as more French provinces fall, and
eventually, France gives up, ceding me my Floridan territory and leaving the
Netherlands in the lurch. Netherlands comes to terms and we all go home richer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately for me, Hungary takes this opportunity to
backstab Austria. Despite only just teaming up with Austria to fight the
Bohemians, French and Dutch, Hungary seems to think it will try to take a bite
out of them and launches a war to conquer Poznan. Since Hungary is a shadow of its
former self having been half-devoured by the Ottomans, I think this is a bad
idea. Nevertheless I send troops to siege the Dalmatian coast.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back in the colonies, it looks like Britain are tiring of
Portugal’s continued presence in South and Central America, which I feel
vindicates my decision to abandon my original Brazilian colony back in the day.
Britain calls me into the British-Portuguese Imperialist War which necessitates
me fighting the very Spaniards I was only just allied to. Realising I’m going to
need all of my strength for this, I’m forced to curtail the Hungarian war,
demanding the province of Dalmatia in exchange for a cessation of hostilities.
It’s a very rich province but I’m only just realising now it puts me right in
the Ottoman’s crosshairs. Oh well, they tolerated Crete for almost 200 years,
maybe they’ll leave me be.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The fight with Spain goes my way relatively easily. I’m
beginning to realise Spain is a bit of a paper tiger. Their military technology
is not as good as it might be and they don’t quite have the manpower to protect
their colonies. Sardinian troops march into Spanish Canada and quickly put it
to the torch. At the same time, my troops are transported to Barcelona, where
they disembark and begin the slow slog from fort to fort that has characterised
each invasion of Spain I’ve made so far. Before long, the Brits have got the
upper hand over Portugal, and the diplomatic wrangling begins.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Naturally, I make significant gains in Spanish Canada,
taking all of the land around Massachussets that I’ve been coveting for a
while. Portuguese Colombia is eaten up by the burgeoning British Empire. Nice
doing business with you, Tudors. Same time next year?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since my colonisation efforts in North America have hit a
big blue wall called French Louisiana, I need to look for some more places to
spread the toothpaste colour. I decide to try for a base in South America which
I can use to reach the Pacific. Tierra Del Fuego isn’t taken yet, probably
because it’s an arid hellhole, so I send my colonists and soon I have a couple
of provinces of rocks full of people who hate me. Luckily, I know have access
to the Pacific, so I send an explorer and a conquistador out to see what’s
there. Apparently France has colonised Indonesia while Britain has Australia.
Nobody has bothered with New Zealand, though, so I set down my colonists there
and have a bash at settling it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh boy, big mistake. I thought the Native Americans were
trouble. These guys *hate* being colonised. I’m barely able to look away
without a 9K stack of rebels appearing to trash the colony. The 3,000 men I’ve
left there get slaughtered, so I’m forced to move an army of about 10K over and
order them to suppress any rebellions (not that the autonomous rebel
suppression option actually works). I’m now a little worried that my armies in
Europe might be depleting… will I fall prey to the same curse of overextension
that is afflicting the Spanish?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia-Piedmont Part 10 - The Spanish and Indian
War</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have a plan. More of a ruse actually. Actually, more like
a plot. I’m plotting, like a true sneaky Sardinian, a way to take my birthright
from the hated Spaniards. Now, although I’m the king of Sardinia-Piedmont (and
Baden!) I’ve never actually owned all of Sardinia. I never managed to capture
the province of Cagliari. It is still owned by Spain. Now, knowing as I do of
the weakness of the Spanish forces and their relative overextension, I’m fairly
certain I could beat them if I attacked. However, they are in tight with the
Austrians, and even though I have an alliance with them too, if I attacked
Spain they would be duty bound to attack. So how do I start a war with Spain
without them calling in Austria? That’s the sneaky part.<br />
<br />
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Mikmaq are pretty much the only North American tribe
that has thrived since the advent of colonialism. In the early days they fought
a valiant war against Scotland, and took Newfoundland and much of Quebec. Then
a weird kind of osmosis took place that resulted in the formation of the Grand
Republic of Canada, which was culturally Scottish but religiously totemist.
When the Catholics in Canada rose up, the state was severed in two, the
powerful animist Mikmaq, and the weak Catholic Canada. Later the Mikmaq fought
Nova Hollandia and succeeded in pushing the Dutch back to Hudson’s Bay.
Following that, they allied Spain and now serve as a barrier between the three
Sardinian colonies of New Savoy, New Piedmont and New Milan and Spanish Canada.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, this is the plan. I’m going to make war on Spain’s
native allies, and drag them into a conflict without the aid of Austria, a
conflict they can never hope to win. I’m going to beat them in America, and
beat them so soundly that they will have to give me the other half of my
beloved island. If I get some Mikmaq land as well, great, if not, so be it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I use the old manifest destiny excuse and declare war on the
Mikmaq. An incensed Spain declares war on me shortly afterwards. A small force
immediately takes Cagliari while two larger armies rampage through Catalonia. I
have a numbers advantage in the New World, since all of my colonies have been
building their own armies. Without too much delay the Mikmaq have given in and
I’ve occupied all of Spanish Canada, again. My sole object in the peace deal is
to receive Cagliari, which I do. My three colonial nations get a grab bag of
Mikmaq and Spanish Canadian land.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now Sardinia-Piedmont has almost united Italy. There is
only one province I need before I can form the country, and that’s Rome. It’s
about 1710 and it’s time, at last, to teach the Pope that temporal power rests
in the hands of the DiSavoia, not some jumped up priest.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Sneaky Sardinia Part 11: The Sardinian War for the Provencal
Throne, and the 2<sup>nd</sup> Spanish and Indian War</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, I will have to wait for a truce to wear off
before I roll up on the Pope. I have until about 1720 to plot how to take him
out, provided I don’t get distracted by other objectives. Another issue is that
my allies, Great Britain and Austria don’t seem too eager to fight the Papal
State. This should resolve itself after the truce wears off though.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not going to be an easy fight, due to France and
Hungary being allied to the Papal State. This means I’m going to have to be
really serious about alliance building in order to make this work. So who hates
or at least doesn’t care for the Pope? My first thought was to go to the
Ottomans. I’ve always been on relatively good terms with them, but try as I
might I can’t convince them to let me ally them. Another option is the
Protestant Brandenburg, now taking up most of northern Germany and some of the
lands formerly belonging to the now hollowed-out Commonwealth. Brandenburg
would be happy to ally, at least, and I give them a royal marriage as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br />
What was I saying about distractions? Ah yes. An opportunity
has arisen that could delay my conquest of Rome but perhaps leave me in a
better position when the time comes to strike. Provence has been a dedicated
ally of France for some time, and the French DiSavoias currently hold the
Duchy. Provence holds some former Burgundian land in the Trier/Luxembourg area,
and they also conquered Brittany some centuries ago. Since I’ll have to fight
the Papal State, Hungary, Provence and France together, it makes sense to
remove one part of their alliance first if I can get away with it. The Duke of
Provence has no heir so I pointedly insist it should be me, and then launch a
war to claim the throne. Predictably, France and the Papal State leap in, but
along with the Austrians and the British and Brandenburg, I am in a much
stronger position. Yes, I’m aware this strategy involves fighting two wars
instead of one, but it also nets me a buttload of new territory.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s another long, brutal slog, characterised by the same
back and forth skirmishing in the New World, along with the same long, extended
sieges through the southern French lands. Britain provides naval support but as
usual doesn’t land any significant troops. Baden is sieged and relieved twice.
Austria mostly fights Hungary but once it has destroyed their dwindling
manpower her armies swing back and lay siege to the Provencal possessions in
what used to be Burgundy. Eventually, though, we get there, and I add “Duke of
Provence” to my list of titles. I’d fight the Pope now if it wasn’t due to the
20 year truce.<br />
<br />
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</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the meantime I busy myself with improving my army and
continuing my colonisation of New Zealand (I’m calling it New Venice). Frequent
attacks by the Maori (represented with Middle-eastern models, annoyingly)
ensure that building a stable colony here is as difficult as slogging through
France, but finally I have enough provinces developed to form a colonial
nation. Repressing the native population is no longer my problem.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do have a big choice to make, though. Britain and Austria
are at war, putting me right in the middle. Britain calls me to arms, and I’m
forced to choose between my two biggest allies. One the one hand, Britain has
never let me down. In every fight I’ve had, their ships have been right there,
blockading enemy ports. They rarely land troops, though. Austria has been a
treacherous bastard, and I’ve fought more than one war against them. But they
have the land armies I really need to defeat France again. I mull it over and
choose to do the smart thing rather than the thing that feels right. I refuse
Britain’s call, break the alliance and watch from a distance as GB and Austria
go at it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s just as well I do, because there are problems in the
Americas to attend to. Our old friends the Mikmaq hate the Sardinians and their
colonies more than ever, since we used them as an excuse to take land from the
Spanish a decade ago. Well, now they want that land back, and declare war on
New Piedmont, my colony that takes up roughly all of southern Ontario and some
of Michigan. I’m content to let them go at it, until it becomes apparent that
New Piedmont are going to lose and lose bad. The Mikmaq are counting on my fear
of the Spanish to keep me from trying to enforce a peace on them. This is a
grave miscalculation, because I no longer have any fear whatsoever of the Spanish.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I deliver my ultimatum to the Mikmaq, and predictably it is
refused. I am immediately dragged into the war on the side of New Piedmont,
while Spain joins the war on the side of the Mikmaq. At this point Spain’s
dedication to their native ally would honestly be admirable if one weren’t aware
that their power in Canada is waning and they need them for defensive reasons. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, here we are again. My three American colonies
immediate dogpile the Mikmaq before working their way round the St. Lawrence
seaway to occupy Spanish Canada. Meanwhile I launch an aquatic invasion of
Spain, and work my way from fort to fort until I’m able to take Madrid. Then
they fold, as usual. New Piedmont annexes most of the Mikmaq territory, and I
get another ten years of peace with Spain. Which is nice if you want to, I
dunno, attack the Pope or something.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b>Sneaky Sardinia Part 12 – Risorgimento</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The battle lines are drawn for the final war of Italian
unification. In the toothpaste blue corner, Sardinia-Piedmont, the scrappy
little kingdom who won’t take no for an answer! Also his manservants Baden and
Provence! Finally, the two bruisers Brandenburg and Austria. In the white
corner, the Pope, attended by big daddy France and Bohemia, which sits
screeching on its shoulder like Koko B. Ware’s parrot. The Hungarians are there
too, but who cares?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After a short rest to allow my manpower reserves to get back
up to normal, I declare a nationalist war on Rome. Hopefully the rest of
Catholic Europe won’t hate me too much for this. Don’t worry everybody, the
Pope’s spiritual authority remains unchallenged. It’s just his temporal
authority that’s being taken away! It’s 1740 for god’s sake!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In preparation I’ve hired thousands of mercenaries and gone
way over my army limit. I’ve split my European forces into three companies of
around 30,000 men each. One – the most merced up one – will siege Rome, never
an easy task. The other two will attack the French from Provence, moving
through Lyonaisse and into southern France. I’m hoping Austria will direct its
main strength at France rather than Hungary.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I declare, and instantly move my armies into position.
Austria, predictably attacks Hungary, even though realistically they aren’t
that much of a threat. Brandenburg is sieging down Mainz and Switzerland, who’ve
joined the side of the Pope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In America, New Savoy sieges New Hampshire, which is the
last remaining part of the French colony of Floride, and we push into French
Mexico. However, I don’t have quite enough troops to match the French
colonials, so I have to send some transports halfway around the world to
collect the men I’ve had sitting in New Zealand for the last few decades. They
make some difference, but mostly the fighting in America is the same pattern of
quick sieges and retreats that have characterised my colonial wars for the
whole game. My tactic in these situations is to put a high-maneuver general in
charge and simply do a couple of lightning sieges, and then flee when the enemy
doomstack comes close. Then I relieve some sieges and the process begins again.
The AI wants to send a huge stack towards you but when it realises it can’t
catch you, it tends to divide its forces. These smaller armies can be caught
and crushed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, back in Europe, Baden is being sieged AGAIN, and
I’m finding that having Provence to defend as well as Sardinia-Piedmont is
actually complicating things. France has taken Nantes and I have to break off a
siege to try and catch the French army and relieve the fort.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brandenburg is soaking up a great deal of French attention,
with much of the significant action of the war happening here. Weirdly, France
seems content to try and take Brandenburg’s land and not mine. Perhaps it fears
my Savoyard defensive bonuses.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Elsewhere, Hungary is receiving another thrashing at the
hands of Austria. Only when it has been fully occupied do the Austrians make
any significant effort to aid the Brandenburgers, but it’s enough to turn the
tide. All the while, my fleets in the Mediterranean are hunting down the last
of the Papal and Hungarian seapower.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the warscore hits 67%, with my manpower reserves
drained after years of fighting, I agree to make peace. The Papal State is
fully annexed, and I take a large swathe of French land too, including the
pesky fort of Lyonaisse, which has given me so much trouble over the years. Now,
back at the beginning of the campaign I vowed to avenge myself on the French
for abandoning me in the war against Cologne and its impertinent little
coalition, and I think taking three provinces from them is fair recompense.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I proclaim myself King of Italy, and it is done.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But what now? I hadn’t really thought of anything past this
point. My colonial expansion is pretty much blocked without fighting another
war against France or Spain. Europe doesn’t look ripe for conquest either.
France is weak, and I could probably take sufficient land to gain access to the
Provencal lands in Brittany for when it finally comes time to integrate them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That gigantic Austria is concerning, especially now that
they’ve lost the emperorship, which always makes them go a little crazy. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Ottomans are a major worry – they’ve conquered through
much of Hungary, the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth and the Caucuses. I can see
them becoming a threat to my provinces of Crete and Dalmatia.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d be tempted to try and go revolutionary but it seems like
this is impossible to make happen naturally. You have to deliberately play the
game badly to make it happen and that seems so… gamey. I will need some time to
digest this situation and plan my next steps.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>EU4 – Italy Part 13: The Brothers' Quarrel</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I suppose it was inevitable that I would eventually have to
fight Austria for supremacy. Our alliance, which, if we’re being honest, neither
of us took particularly seriously, was never going to survive Italy turning its
interests outwards. Besides, I’m trying to integrate Baden and Provence’s
Burgundian possessions. That means cutting through the spindly outstretched arm
of Austria, which took over most of Switzerland a long time ago and now reaches
through the Alps to border with France.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This means another war, and though I’m reluctant to confront
them, my new ally Scandinavia is about to create the situation in which another
head to head battle is necessary. Scandinavia seems to be one of those unicorns
the AI rarely forms. In my game Norway and Denmark were ruled by the Von
Wittelsbachs in a personal union, and expanded to devour most of Sweden. Now,
they’re one of the greatest Northern powers, and allied to the Ottoman Empire,
making them extremely dangerous. Fortunately, they like Italy a lot and have
agreed to a royal marriage and an alliance, something I deemed necessary given
that I can’t get the Ottomans to ally with me directly. Perhaps aligning myself
with that bloc will be enough to save me when the time comes for the dread Turk
to press further into Europe.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, as I have mentioned before, the League war in my
campaign was extremely short and a clear victory for Catholicism. The only
countries that are left with Protestantism as the state religion are
Brandenburg, Hamburg and Lübeck. In an anachronistic throwback to
pre-enlightenment days, Scandinavia accuses Lübeck of Heresy and invades.
Austria and Switzerland intervene on their behalf. Scandinavia calls in me and
the Ottomans.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The war is right on my doorstep. Baden and Alsace are ground
zero for a serious of gigantic battles between myself and the Austrians. My
troops are better and my new commander, Napoleon De Medici (who sounds like the
sort of person who’d argue with you on Twitter about whether there were black
Romans or not but is actually just a pretty solid general) should give me an
advantage but it’s a really hard fought war. Austria appeared to have issued a
leveé en masse (Quantity ideas for the win) and they have so many men its unreal.
I siege Sundgau and Lotheringen as well as Zurich, before moving onto Alsace.
In this time, the Austrians have occupied Baden, AGAIN, but have had to retreat
to deal with the encroaching Turks on their Eastern flank. I relieve Baden, but
I’m forced to drive south to relieve the city of Provence from a rampaging army
from Cologne who snuck through France to take me from behind. Baden is taken
again in my absence, and I go back to relieve them again. I have to fight a
bunch of battles against the Austrians in which I lose 10,000 men a time. I’m
able to replace them fairly quickly since I let my manpower regenerate after
the war for Provence, but this is becoming costly. In the end, I peace out on
the understanding that I get to keep Elsas, which means that Baden and Provence
are now both connected to Italy.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4mpgXktV3rE/WzWM3UpDFcI/AAAAAAAAAqI/dZ4T1XluSO48odO5PHFX2dV4MWeXqX3hACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-04-06%2B4_30_27%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4mpgXktV3rE/WzWM3UpDFcI/AAAAAAAAAqI/dZ4T1XluSO48odO5PHFX2dV4MWeXqX3hACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-04-06%2B4_30_27%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I’ve been distracted in Europe, my most pugnacious
colony New Piedmont (Think of it as Italian Upper Canada) has been throwing its
weight around, declaring wars it can’t hope to win. It took on Nova Hollandia,
Dutch Alberta and tiny Canada in one bout, and I didn’t intervene quick enough
due to manpower shortages. Most of Ontario now belongs to the Dutch, and not
only that, they forced New Piedmont to cede the lands in Quebec that they
(read: I) conquered from the Mikmaq to Canada. This is quite the boon for
Canada, going from a tiny one province nonentity to a reasonably large state in
a single war. I vow revenge on Canada.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, there’s another situation in the New World
which requires my attention. A while ago Great Britain’s colonies experienced a
bunch of turmoil that resulted in Chile and Peru breaking free (Chile as a
kingdom under the house of York and Peru as a republic). GB has recently
launched a war of reconquest to win them back, and calls me in. Since I don’t
want to take the prestige bump of refusing and put our alliance into question
so soon after alienating Austria, I accept. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This highlights a strategic blunder in my colonisation
efforts that I had foreseen but had actually been powerless to do anything
about. Back in the early colonisation days, when I was trying to reach the
Pacific, I took Tierra Del Fuego, on the southernmost tip of South America as a
waystation that would improve my colonial range. I colonised the three provinces
that GB had left alone, but never got enough land to form a colonial nation. So
I was stuck with a little chunk of Patagonia that produced nothing and,
additionally, would be completely indefensible if I ever had to fight Britain.
Of course, I never planned on doing that, but I didn’t expect two large
independent nations to pop up right in my backyard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They didn’t bother with me at first so I figured it wouldn’t
be a problem. I used the 3,000 men I had there to launch an attack on Peru’s
southern provinces, hoping that they wouldn’t have the manpower to spare to
stop me. Boy, was I wrong about that. A 12K stack popped up, massacred my
troops and went to town on my lands.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was furious, so I built up my transports and prepared to
send a large force to South America to liberate my admitted useless lands.
Unfortunately, I forgot to provide an escort for the transport, and the
Peruvian navy caught them off the coast of English Brazil. All ships were lost
with 24,000 men dead. At this point I figured I’d better cut my losses and
asked for a white peace. And that’s the story about how mighty Italy got its
ass beat by Chile and Peru.<br />
<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Italy Part 14 – The War for Better Borders</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bad things are happening back in Italy. The heiress to the
throne, Princess Lauretta, has proven definitively that female heirs CAN die in
hunting accidents (take note Reddit debaters) and pushed my stability
dangerously low. A random event gives me negative stability, which I could put
right but I want to go revolutionary so I don’t bother. Having said that,
fighting constant revolts is boring and since it’s 1800 now and I would need to
get through 10 years civil disorder to spawn revolutionaries I don’t think it
is worthwhile. Instead, I focus on tidying up my borders for the photo finish.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, though, I have to defend my colonial subjects from a
resurgent Canada. Now basically holding the St. Lawrence Valley, Canada fancies
a go at New Piedmont (Italian Upper Canada, remember?). Well, screw that. I
rally to the cause and start shipping men (with an escort this time) back to
the New World. In the meantime, my European forces invade Spain. Because you
know when you fight Canada, you fight Spain too.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Napoleone De Medici, my crack general, really comes into his
own in this war, fighting his way down the coast, before doubling back to fight
a series of pitched battles against King Carlos III of Spain. Three times
Napoleone humbled the king and sent him limping back over the Pyrenees! Truly,
the greatest commander Italy has ever known. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, in America, My forces and those of my subjects cut
through Canada and Spanish Canada like butter. It’s over pretty quickly. New
Piedmont makes peace for war reparations and a couple of rich provinces in
Quebec. I get nothing, but that’s fine.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now for another war with Austria. Those borders aren’t going
to fix themselves. I get round the truce by declaring on poor Ragusa, and
forcing Austria to defend its ally. This war goes even better than the first,
the only hiccup coming when Napoleone De Medici dies while sieging Vienna.
According to his epitaph he did “nothing of note”. Apparently besting the
Austrians in every engagement he ever fought and personally trouncing the King
of Spain in three separate battles wasn’t impressive enough. Damn, EU4, you
have high standards.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the war is over, Austria is humbled, and back down to
its normal size. Italy has definitely overtaken its former ally now. What’s
more, I have now gained enough prestige to declare myself Emperor and switch to
the Enlightened Despotism government mode.</div>
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<br /></div>
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But to be honest… that’s it. There’s only a couple of years
left on the clock. I launch a war against France but there isn’t time to
conclude it. I have built an incredibly swollen, authoritarian Italy, with a
number of relatively stable, happy colonial subjects. Maybe I’ll come back and
play on the extended timeline one day and try and usher it through 1848. Maybe
I’ll finally go revolutionary. But I think that might be a story for another
playthrough. For now I’m happy with the tale of a scrappy little duchy that
wheeled, dealed, betrayed and backstabbed its way to greatness, played the
powers off against one another and eventually took its place among them.<br />
<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vC3UTmUS91c/WzWOlE26v2I/AAAAAAAAAqU/Tw6lU8ONfZITD791SSqURFu4-8keTr5OACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-04-07%2B12_20_46%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vC3UTmUS91c/WzWOlE26v2I/AAAAAAAAAqU/Tw6lU8ONfZITD791SSqURFu4-8keTr5OACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-04-07%2B12_20_46%2BAM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Next game is the Toki Clan into Japan. I think I’m going to try
to build a trade empire and dominate my neighbours with an enormous navy. Or
maybe something totally different will happen. You never know.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-87816880631934765482018-03-26T21:49:00.002-04:002018-03-26T21:49:58.011-04:00EU4 - Sneaky Savoy Part 4: The Prussia of Italy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KBJqdbN9RKk/WrhKxToI6lI/AAAAAAAAAmE/iJaue8thy94Qayf6NgEbkdl4w1kQSnr0ACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-16%2B9_46_54%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KBJqdbN9RKk/WrhKxToI6lI/AAAAAAAAAmE/iJaue8thy94Qayf6NgEbkdl4w1kQSnr0ACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-16%2B9_46_54%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Licking my wounds from my drubbing at the hands of Castile, I concentrate on improving my technology.
Luckily, I’ve been fighting a shitload of wars, so I have been accruing
military points at quite a rate. The spread between myself and the other
countries is decreasing. Before long, I’m actually a level ahead of time, neck
and neck with Spain.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s time to do some colonising, however. I hire an explorer
and put him in charge of three ships. I first send him to the Caribbean for a
look around. Hispaniola is split between France and Brittany, while most of the
Antilles belong to England, with the exception of Trinidad, a Spanish
possession. Down into South America, England is slowly colonising the whole of
the Coast of Brazil while Portugal is entrenching itself in Columbia.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-46nY6RYbKXk/WrhK_w46UwI/AAAAAAAAAmI/KU9yjrneUAEWUlvZ3pseNN04YIghfAjQACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-20%2B9_19_02%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-46nY6RYbKXk/WrhK_w46UwI/AAAAAAAAAmI/KU9yjrneUAEWUlvZ3pseNN04YIghfAjQACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-20%2B9_19_02%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3tuyxd8ABVw/WrhLM9t5ApI/AAAAAAAAAmM/CD3kIvlqP-0AXcDBEGAXEkhSVfRhmzfBwCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-26%2B9_54_17%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3tuyxd8ABVw/WrhLM9t5ApI/AAAAAAAAAmM/CD3kIvlqP-0AXcDBEGAXEkhSVfRhmzfBwCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-26%2B9_54_17%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I set up my first colony in Bahia, Brazil, right in between
two English colonies. Immediately, though, I realise this is a dumb plan. I
don’t want to be competing with England for territory. They are a good ally and
I don’t want something like this to screw it up. I send my explorer into the
Gulf of Mexico to look for a good place to start and new colony. What I find is
French Texas and Spanish Louisiana. <br />
<br />
However, Florida is not taken yet, probably
because it’s a forbidding swamp with a pitiful development level. So I decide
to build my colony there, with an eye to expanding up the coast.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve got to say though – after swinging my explorer back to
the Med and down around South Africa – the Cape looks like the best place to
colonise. I bet there’s gold nearby, too. Unfortunately, it’s too far for me to
manage, so until my colonial range increases I’ll have to settle for building
up Florida. After a few false starts, and the realisation that every time my
soldiers leave the colonists get genocided by natives, I leave a permanent
garrison in Mayami.<br />
<br />
I turn my attentions back to Europe. Spain has Sardinia,
something that I need if I’m going to form Sardinia-Piedmont as I intend. So
how to get it? A plan begins to form. Since I’ve been hoarding Pope mana I sink
it all into Papal Influence with the intention of buying a Pope the next time
one is elected. Then perhaps I can excommunicate the Queen of Spain and justify
a war against them.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--uxJMpNq-r4/WrhL1--d64I/AAAAAAAAAmc/osXMBKrERZEnCe_lBg7EnWQGDEK68s8gQCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-26%2B10_11_09%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--uxJMpNq-r4/WrhL1--d64I/AAAAAAAAAmc/osXMBKrERZEnCe_lBg7EnWQGDEK68s8gQCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-26%2B10_11_09%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
However, before this plan comes to fruition, opportunity
knocks. England, my trusty ally has had its eye on conquering Ireland for some
time now. In fact, the only Irish duchy left is Desmond. Since Desmond is cosy
with Spain, England has been cautious about attacking it. But perhaps because
of the poor showing in the War of Aragonese Independence, England seems eager
to get its groove back on the world stage, especially if that means a rematch
with Spain. So England declares on Desmond, and I join in.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have no idea what AI England is doing in this war. The
armies of Desmond instantly ravage their way across Ireland, taking English
provinces. The English army inflict a defeat on them that sends them running
off to siege Edinburgh – but then they sit there without relieving the captured
provinces or attacking Desmond’s army. And weirdly, Desmond actually beats
England in not one but two sea battles. The only real progress England makes is
to capture Trinidad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Meanwhile, I’ve sent a small detachment of men from Corsica
to siege Sardinia (it will be mine) and sent the rest of my army across the
Pyrenees. This time, I don’t have any problems matching Spain militarily. By
keeping my armies close together and able to reinforce each other I’m able to trap smaller
forces of Spanish troops in between my two armies. I’m also getting absurd
bonuses for defensive fighting, so I stay in the mountains wherever possible
and let them come to me. Before long, I’ve occupied all the way across the
former territory of Aragon.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This seems to wake up England, and they start relieving
their occupied territory, and the warscore rockets up. All this time I’ve been
quietly feeling out the Spanish to see what they would give me in a separate
peace. I could get them to agree to cede one province of Sardinia to me, but
not the second, so keep hanging on to see if I can get a better deal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The warscore hits 100% and England and Desmond come to
terms. England fully annexes Desmond, probably unnerving the Scots, who are
bound to be next on the list. Thankfully, England has recognised my
contribution for the war and makes sure that Spain ceded the northern half of
Sardinia to me. It’s also cemented England as my most valuable ally.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CCAWiHdT6ng/WrhMkFlvWaI/AAAAAAAAAmo/AOv9sgYWiGY5yffMbCDboo-7EYj1Wqn6QCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-26%2B11_17_13%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="726" data-original-width="929" height="312" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CCAWiHdT6ng/WrhMkFlvWaI/AAAAAAAAAmo/AOv9sgYWiGY5yffMbCDboo-7EYj1Wqn6QCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-26%2B11_17_13%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Because they’ve done quite a turn for me. I now hold all the
provinces I need to emerge fully onto the world stage as a big player, if not a
major power. I am now able to create… The Kingdom of Sardinia-Piedmont, the
Prussia of Italy!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YJGd-m3DTPA/WrmjDrafjbI/AAAAAAAAAm8/e2gOi2ReAx87SQ-MYmzDqwgzxT4giCzfgCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-26%2B9_15_18%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-YJGd-m3DTPA/WrmjDrafjbI/AAAAAAAAAm8/e2gOi2ReAx87SQ-MYmzDqwgzxT4giCzfgCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-03-26%2B9_15_18%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s good to be the king.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-8685850468845331282018-03-02T12:25:00.000-05:002018-03-02T12:25:54.990-05:00EU4: Sneaky Savoy Part Three – The Aragonese Independence War<div class="MsoNormal">
Caesar Tudor, King of England, is the bomb. A 6/6/5 leader,
he’s expanding across half of Ireland and his fleets have demolished the French
time and time again. Even his name sounds cool. Filippo the Bastard, the new
Duke of Savoy, wants very much to be his friend. One royal marriage later, and
we have an alliance. Since relations with the French seem to have soured (I
fear I may have disappointed them one too many times) Caesar will be my new
attack dog, helping me maintain my sovereignty. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Losing the French alliance means I’m free to pick up
another. Hungary seems like a good bet. With my one remaining diplomatic
relationship I also royal marry Bohemia in the hope of picking up the crown when
their heirless ruler snuffs it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another interesting development seems to be brewing. The
Kingdom of Aragon, in a personal union with Castile seems very keen to break
away from the super-powerful Castile-Aragon-Naples bloc that has emerged. This
seems to have brought some very strange bedfellows together – both England and
France are guaranteeing their independence. This means that should they try to
break free from Castile, both countries will automatically be called into the
war. Normally, I wouldn’t want anything to do with a war against Castile, but I
figure if Aragon is freed I have a better chance taking Sardinia from it than
the Castilian supercoalition. I also guarantee their independence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s also time to try and fix my forces. I fire a bunch of
infantry to make way for artillery, and set to building a couple of large
warships. Hopefully that will put me in a good position when Aragon declares
independence.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Of8ef47WIyg/WpmIQgbHtCI/AAAAAAAAAlo/zqxM_NOD_IYiqpgl59ouJNdJvX8HMOTogCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-20%2B9_19_02%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Of8ef47WIyg/WpmIQgbHtCI/AAAAAAAAAlo/zqxM_NOD_IYiqpgl59ouJNdJvX8HMOTogCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-20%2B9_19_02%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Caribbean looks like this apparently.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now to pick another idea group. I figure I’ll take
colonisation ideas because I’d quite like to take the Quest for the New World
mission and get some prime American land before everyone else gets in. What
little I do know about the New World indicates that England is getting on with
colonising. They have the West Indies and a few provinces in Brazil. I don’t
know what my colonial range will be but, I’ll give it a shot. If the Americas
fail I can always try colonising Africa or even going round to India.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3iqcYrD_P9Y/WpmF9Jb98wI/AAAAAAAAAlE/l3VbZ21J__0r2jH4GtNOoPA--Ci8n1GEgCEwYBhgL/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-20%2B9_15_51%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3iqcYrD_P9Y/WpmF9Jb98wI/AAAAAAAAAlE/l3VbZ21J__0r2jH4GtNOoPA--Ci8n1GEgCEwYBhgL/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-20%2B9_15_51%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
About this time I’m called into a fight with Mantua by my
tiny ally Ferrara. Now, Ferrara has been a faithful friend to me over the
years, so I figure I can take a one-province Italian minor to help a pal out.
Mantua’s 8K army makes a beeline for my 28K forces waiting in Genoa. Now, their
maintenance isn’t up but it shouldn’t be a problem because of my absurd
defensive bonuses and the fact I outnumber them 3 to 1.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I get utterly trounced. It’s at this point I
realise I’ve fallen badly behind on military technology (the ultimate rookie
error). I have 7 tech for their 10, so naturally, I’m completely outclassed. I
ragequit about here out of sheer shame out of losing to Mantua. I’m not afraid
to admit it. I reload and refuse to join the war. I need to do something about
this tech points problem. I have a +2 military advisor, so that helps a bit.
Then Filippo the Bastard dies and is replaced by his slightly more competent
heir. I manage to get up to 8 military development in short order.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The King of Bohemia dies. I don’t inherit, since it appears
he produced an heir from somewhere mysteriously. Baws.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M7KXbydrXp4/WpmIwVFkjCI/AAAAAAAAAl0/mMNR0iJalD4gV4uNW5I1eUuwhw4F8-iaACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-09%2B8_30_39%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M7KXbydrXp4/WpmIwVFkjCI/AAAAAAAAAl0/mMNR0iJalD4gV4uNW5I1eUuwhw4F8-iaACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-09%2B8_30_39%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, now it looks like Hungary is spoiling for a fight
with Venice over Dalmatia. Since I like to take any opportunity I can to kick
the Venitians in the cods, I wade in. I figure I can actually be of assistance
despite my shit army if I avoid giving battle and concentrate on sieges. I
quickly occupy Brescia while the Hungarians take Treviso, then make my way
across the straits to give Venice another thorough drubbing. I complete the
siege and wait for the ticking warscore while the Hungarians finish sieging up
the remaining provinces.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S2OuSKAchgY/WpmFeRsj2jI/AAAAAAAAAlI/JoN4me_WUGEQ77qXAsz1VFUA-erHcP-iwCEwYBhgL/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-12%2B11_09_42%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-S2OuSKAchgY/WpmFeRsj2jI/AAAAAAAAAlI/JoN4me_WUGEQ77qXAsz1VFUA-erHcP-iwCEwYBhgL/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-12%2B11_09_42%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Venice is sacked yet again.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, Aragon chooses this moment to break its
chains. I’m instantly plunged into a war against Castile with its 11, that’s
right 11, military tech. I quickly make a separate peace with Venice in
exchange for Brescia, and leave the Hungarians to their own devices. Now the
real battle is on and I will need all of my might to even stand a chance
against Castile. Fortunately, with France and England to do the heavy lifting I
should be OK. Right? Right?<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qJEkfD3UiJ0/WpmGg9p-OzI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/7fQ3iSqDY1olMq-DwYckxeeXXc2_ip-DwCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-12%2B10_59_31%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="757" data-original-width="797" height="378" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qJEkfD3UiJ0/WpmGg9p-OzI/AAAAAAAAAlQ/7fQ3iSqDY1olMq-DwYckxeeXXc2_ip-DwCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-12%2B10_59_31%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looks like good odds, right?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Actually, it’s really not. My armies are ineffective against
the Castilians’ assault – I mean, they even have a little early modern
arquebusier model, and I still have a medieval pikeman. Unfortunately, France
and England aren’t doing super well either, and Castile has called Austria into
the war. England make some gains in Castile’s north African possessions, but
Austria blitzes through France’s northern half, occupying a vast swathe of
territory. Aragon and myself are too puny to take Castile alone, so we settle for
completely occupying Naples. It’s not enough.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lT-ZY6YeZCc/WpmHyNOwZJI/AAAAAAAAAlk/ZEWuTdbJNOcRoK1P9NL3J7B4stBTtJwZACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-12%2B11_10_46%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lT-ZY6YeZCc/WpmHyNOwZJI/AAAAAAAAAlk/ZEWuTdbJNOcRoK1P9NL3J7B4stBTtJwZACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-12%2B11_10_46%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">FFS Austria.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
France cuts its losses and makes peace, turning the vast
Austrian army in my direction. Kaiser unt Koenig! Buddy! I thought we were
pals! I realise quickly if I don’t make a separate peace before England does,
there’s a good chance I will lose some provinces. So I peace out for a lump of
cash and eat the opinion malus with England.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
England fights to the end, but only on the seas, as it prefers.
I can only watch as Castile’s arquebusiers massacre the brave Aragonese rebels.
Aragon falls once again under the Castilian yoke, and very quickly after
integrates them, forming Spain.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i14HuJUKkKY/WpmHM1NIhxI/AAAAAAAAAlY/eAcEJg1yzOgFBS5PFYeTxoJKMplFya1RQCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-13%2B11_14_19%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i14HuJUKkKY/WpmHM1NIhxI/AAAAAAAAAlY/eAcEJg1yzOgFBS5PFYeTxoJKMplFya1RQCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2018-01-13%2B11_14_19%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Goodbye, poor brave Catalonians!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I lament, because along with those brave rebels died my last
chance of conquering Sardinia, therefore my last chance of creating Piedmont-Sardinia.
Spain is stronger than ever before. God forbid if they annex Naples.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-83254842352001491722018-01-27T20:12:00.001-05:002018-01-27T20:12:43.086-05:00EU4: Sneaky Savoy, Part 2: Western Mediterannean Island for sale, cheap<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
We rejoin Duke Ludovico in the wake of his humbling by
Cologne and the Coalition forces. Money-wise, I’m still doing OK, but my income
is terribly curtailed. Especially galling is the income from that church I
built in Bern, now filling the coffers of the ghastly Swiss.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Their time shall come. Oh yes. As shall the cowardly French.
But to humble them, I’ll need to play smart.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily, it’s time to pick an idea group. Since everyone
appears to despise me (except Austria) I pick diplomatic ideas which gives me a
third diplomat and will eventually allow me to improve other countries’
opinions of me faster. At its highest levels, it’ll also give me a bonus in
peace negotiations which will allow me to nab more territory.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s the diplomats I need now, though. I quickly send them
out amongst my erstwhile foes in the HRE and start sweet-talking princes. Soon
I have royal marriages all over the shop and alliances with Brittany, Saxony
and the Palatinate. Next time a coalition forms against me, at least it’ll be
down two of its most powerful members.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Shadow Kingdom event fires. This gives me the option of
leaving the HRE with the rest of the Italian States or staying loyal to the
Emperor. I go independent but maintain my Austrian alliance because they like
me SO much.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, Ludovico snuffs it and his underwhelming son
Amadeo takes over. He has 3/2/0 stats meaning he’s a competent administrator
but absolutely god-awful at anything else. He also has no heir and is 50 years
old. Luckily, I get an event for him siring a bastard, and Phillippo (3/3/3) is
born with a weak claim.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Things are going well, though, and I take the mission to
rebuild my navy, which is still a shell following its defeat by the Portuguese.
This seems to annoy Genoa, and they announce they are rivaling me. Since I
need a new rival anyway, I pick them back. I’m then able to pick a mission to
grab the province directly adjacent to Nice. Unfortunately, it appears to be
occupied by the Ottomans (!) who are allied with Crimea against Genoa in a war
to shove them out of their colony on the peninsula. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since I can’t occupy the province I need I decide to wait a
little while. I busy myself by improving relations with my neighbours and
building up my army. I pick a second idea group – defensive. I decided to go
down this route more because it fits in with my idea of what Savoy is than
because of any particular bonus it gives me. We’re the entrenched Alpine hill
people, and if you come into our mountains, woe betide you. I switch up my
infantry from Latin Infantry to Men at Arms, but I leave my cavalry as they are
(Latin Knights).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My plotting is interrupted by Austria declaring war on
Salzburg and pulling me in. I end up fighting Brandenburg and the Palatinate
too because of alliances. I move to siege some provinces in the Palatinate and
actually end up winning a stirring victory against the Brandenburgers, which
affects the warscore not a jot but makes me feel better. When Austria makes
peace, I end up with nothing except prestige. And that’s OK. I send a diplomat
to Brandenburg to let them know there’s no hard feelings. I really hope we’re
cool because I don’t want angry proto-Prussians holding a grudge.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, Genoa are being arses, causing trade disputes all
over the shop. Rather than fight them on those grounds I falsify claims on
them. They are still at war with the Ottomans, so it proves to be a complete
pushover, nabbing me Corsica and two more Ligurian provinces. My coastline is
now massive, so I invest in some more docks and ships.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RtqymlouDqk/Wm0i1FSMwoI/AAAAAAAAAkY/FSw7sxZx8xQwxVQ6YXe00ZdS49Sn0AQ6wCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-12-11%2B10_10_38%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RtqymlouDqk/Wm0i1FSMwoI/AAAAAAAAAkY/FSw7sxZx8xQwxVQ6YXe00ZdS49Sn0AQ6wCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-12-11%2B10_10_38%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, now that Genoa is reduced to one province, there’s
no real reason to leave it at that, is there? I pick the mission to eliminate
Genoa once and for all, and once my truce with them is over immediately go in
for the kill. It’s another short war, though my navies sit it out because Genoa
has an outsize fleet. With the numerical advantage I have on land it is no
contest really, and Genoa falls. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I had forgotten about Genoa’s Crimean
possessions, still hanging on despite encroachment from the Ottomans. I could
in theory have pressed for them in the peace talks, but they are too far away
for me to administer, so that wasn’t an option. Genoa lives on to fight another
day.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cW0RGvEhEKo/Wm0jI5WeoyI/AAAAAAAAAkc/7kBNlilYSnMYveuyTGkqpUYhZzhZ4IapACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-12-12%2B9_36_36%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cW0RGvEhEKo/Wm0jI5WeoyI/AAAAAAAAAkc/7kBNlilYSnMYveuyTGkqpUYhZzhZ4IapACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-12-12%2B9_36_36%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’re beginning to have a problem with Protestants in the
old HRE. Two centres of reformation have sprung up: Hamburg and Ravensburg.
Hamburg is sufficiently far away that I only need to worry about it infecting
Brandenburg, since it’s one of the conditions for forming Prussia. As for
Ravensburg though, it’s really not far at all from us. Only Switzerland stands
between me and the proddies, and they’re starting to look uncomfortably blue.
At this point I’m not sure I want to go Protestant, but at the same time I find
it hard to resist such ahistoric choices since I’m pretty sure Savoy always
stayed Catholic. Anyway, I’ll need to do a cost-benefit analysis and get back
to you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With Genoa now officially exiled from the Italian peninsula,
I need a new rival. Venice seem to fit the bill well. They are still
horrendously strong on the sea, and have a reasonably decent army. I am offered
a mission to take Brescia, which gives me a free claim. Since they are also at
war with the Ottomans for Dalmatia, I decide to press the issue. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite my hordes of troops compared to Venice, they take a
beating and inflict heavy casualties on me. I realise this is because the
clever Venicians have invested in some newfangled device called a “cannon”.
What this is I have no idea but I will probably have to look into it. The
Venicians defeated on land, I march through Ottoman occupied territory to lay
siege to Venice itself. Then something weird happens – The war with the
Ottomans ends, and Venice comes back into possession of the forts I just
bypassed. This has the effect of stranding me on the island of Venice with no
way to get out. Venice has naval superiority so my fleet will be no good, even
if I did own enough transports to get my army out. So I just sit there sieging,
losing men to attrition. When I do win the siege, it’s obvious we’ve reached a
stalemate.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can picture the negotiations now. My ambassador makes a
sharp demand for Brescia, which is refused. Then he makes a slightly more muted
inquiry as to whether there is any land that the Venicians would be willing to
relinquish claim on, just to make this whole sorry situation go away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And that is how I walked away from the negotiating table
with Crete.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sb7AgfPvMk8/Wm0jXIkiDyI/AAAAAAAAAkk/C9ZIrhorJ4YP9ftmS--xyDhD3sJjTFD3gCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-12-16%2B10_16_27%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sb7AgfPvMk8/Wm0jXIkiDyI/AAAAAAAAAkk/C9ZIrhorJ4YP9ftmS--xyDhD3sJjTFD3gCLcBGAs/s320/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-12-16%2B10_16_27%2BPM.png" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean, Crete? It’s very nice and sunny and all but what the
hell am I supposed to do with an island territory so close to the Ottomans?
Such a provocation. Now I know why Venice were so keen to get rid of it. I put
out feelers to the Ottomans and see if they’d be interested in buying it, but
the answer is no. Not even Albania wants it. So know I’m stuck with a big,
dangerous Greek island to defend. Great. Still have claim on Brescia, though.
Second time’s a charm?</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-15290945278534135152017-12-16T23:15:00.000-05:002017-12-16T23:15:30.875-05:00EU4 : Sneaky Savoy Part 1 – The Betrayal<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that my CK2 campaign is finished, I thought I would try out EU4 to see if
I’m able to get much out of it. I watched a few let’s plays and at first I
believed the game to be impenetrable, but to be honest I think I’m getting the
hang of most aspects of it now. I’ll be updating this blog periodically with my
progress because I’m obsessed and hey, why not? I’m not sure if anyone still
reads this blog anyway.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, who to play? I’d considered playing a game as Russia or
Japan, but there’s DLC for both of those countries I haven’t got yet. I figure
I’ll do them when the prices come down. I’m on a bit of a Holy Roman Empire
kick right now so I decided to pick Savoy, in honour of my dude Prince Eugene.
Savoy is a pretty fascinating place, occupying lands that are technically
French, Italian or German. I have a thing for countries that don’t exist
anymore too. In real life, the Dukes of Savoy eventually became the kings of
Piedmont-Sardinia and eventually Italy, so perhaps I’ll see if I can duplicate
that success. Long-term, I also want to try colonising something in the new
world. If I can get an Italian-speaking Florida or something similarly daft
I’ll be happy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Savoy start off with a fairly decent duke named Ludovico and
a lacklustre heir. We also have one vassal state, the tiny one-province
Monferrat. They seem pretty accepting of this state of affairs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I start my diplomatic onslaught by royal marrying and
forming alliances with both France and Austria. I know getting the French
alliance is a big deal because sometimes France gets a mission to annex Savoy
and there’s no way I want to be in a fight with France right now. Fortunately
both alliances come through so I should be covered for any eventuality. I also
royal marry Milan, in the hope of a future personal union.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For rivals I choose my neighbours, Burgundy and Provence,
and the annoying Swiss. Expansion into Provence is hampered by the fact they
have also allied France, and the Swiss, as part of the HRE are protected by the
Emperor. So it looks like I’ll have to fabricate a claim on Burgundy, who
utterly hate me. I try to pull a Bismarck and insult them into attacking me,
but that doesn’t work. I end up using the fabricated claim.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My good friends the French join the war with me. Apparently,
they also have some bones to pick with the Burgundians. My first battle in the
game goes appallingly and my whole army is wiped out, despite having a
numerical advantage. RNGesus did not smile on me that day. Fortunately, the French
armies make short work of the Burgundian forces and as I hastily rebuild some
units they siege down the three southern provinces of Burgundy. France also
gives me an extra boost by offering subsidies to me, no strings attached.
Excellent people, the French.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the ensuing peace negotiations I demand Charloais and
Franche-Comté for myself, and Bourgogne and Cambray for my friends the French.
The war concludes and everyone goes away happy. Apart from the Burgundians, who
are now limited to their lands up in the Netherlands.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sgv0X13s9PE/WjXtx12URLI/AAAAAAAAAjs/gARXosr6amwKyRysteYLImB_f8hC3wXKACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-18%2B12_04_33%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="745" data-original-width="1016" height="291" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sgv0X13s9PE/WjXtx12URLI/AAAAAAAAAjs/gARXosr6amwKyRysteYLImB_f8hC3wXKACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-18%2B12_04_33%2BAM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although my new acquisitions are utterly riddled with angry
Burgundians (I spend some military points to crack down on rebels) I’m pretty
pleased and start coring the provinces fast. I get another boost when the Duke
of Milan dies and I inherit his title too. So now Savoy is in a Personal Union
with Milan, meaning I essentially have control over Milan until the union ends.
The immediate benefit of this is that my army is now effectively double the
size, and my income is increasing too.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I get the opportunity to take the new army out for a spin
when Austria calls me in to a war with Ravensburg. I get to grips with the
sieging mechanic, but I honestly don’t get anything out of the war except an
opinion boost with Austria. Hopefully this will come in handy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I spend the next little while building up my forces and
trying to figure out what to do next. Since Provence is still out of the
question, I decide to have a poke at the Swiss to see what will come of it.
What comes of it is a claim on Bern, which I push. Switzerland is alone, and
even though my big allies are not interested in joining me, Milan is on side
automatically, and Ferrara, who I also allied, join in too. Although the Swiss
avoid doing battle with the main Savoyard army, instead tangling with a joint
Milanese and Ferraran force in the Po valley, the odds are clearly in our
favour.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A quick aside to admire the fort system in EU4. I love that
you can’t just walk past forts, you have to take them in order to move forward.
This is going to allow me to essentially block the Alpine passes in future,
which is a sound defensive strategy.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZS8tZgUcx-w/WjXuIKE-toI/AAAAAAAAAj0/Czq1Y-oY1tgIrTQoY9sMvP9BD998RFPRgCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-21%2B9_54_33%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ZS8tZgUcx-w/WjXuIKE-toI/AAAAAAAAAj0/Czq1Y-oY1tgIrTQoY9sMvP9BD998RFPRgCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-21%2B9_54_33%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, we beat the Swiss. In the peace talks, I get greedy
and demand Zurich and Waldestadt as well as Bern. Since the Swiss are in no
position to refuse, the deal goes through. Coring and repression of dissidents
begins. And apparently, also my aggressive expansion goes through the roof,
because a coalition forms against me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My best buds ever, France, then call me into their war for
Bordeaux against England. Since they helped me out so much last time, I march
my whole army over to the war goal and siege it down. I’m helping raise the
warscore bit by bit while the French and English forces battle in Normandy.
Then, disaster strikes – I had forgotten to order my fleet back to port in the
event of a war, and instead they are still sailing around the Mediterranean
protecting trade. England’s Portuguese allies sail in, trounce my fleet and
blockade Nice, my only coastal province. My trade income is utterly strangled.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily, I have by now finished sieging Bordeaux and – since
I have no boats left – decide to take the fight to the Portuguese. Maybe if I
can knock them out of the war, the English will lose the advantage. There’s a
large French force on the way to Portugal, obviously thinking the same thing,
so we combine and ravage the Portuguese lands. The Portuguese army has no
intention of fighting, though. They’re heading straight for Bordeaux. Bollocks
to that, I say, and detach my forces hoping to beat them before they can undo
all of my good work. I catch them as they are sieging Bordeaux, and a huge
battle ensues. Since I have almost twice their numbers, I’m triumphant, but
they gave a really good fight. I think I ended up with more casualties than
they did. Portugal makes a separate peace with France and withdraws.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JXkEV16zYdc/WjXuagMguRI/AAAAAAAAAj4/Ah3KTEgF1_U2NqUdfoEMcVbaVYakZcM-ACLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-26%2B12_13_52%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="455" data-original-width="971" height="186" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JXkEV16zYdc/WjXuagMguRI/AAAAAAAAAj4/Ah3KTEgF1_U2NqUdfoEMcVbaVYakZcM-ACLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-26%2B12_13_52%2BAM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, Portugal has done its job too well. I had to
take a loan to make up for my loss of income due to the blockade, and now I’m
going into debt. Surely France can handle England on its own? I tentatively
send out feelers and find that England is very keen to be rid of me. In fact,
they would be willing to pay a considerable sum of gold for Savoy to leave the
war. Well, economics can be a real bitch. I take the gold, peace out and return
to the Alps to cackle about it. France is not super pleased with this turn of
events but I figure I can make it up to them. I send a diplomat to smooth
things over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Little do I know I have just sown the seeds of my own
destruction.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Using the cash from my peace settlement with England, I
build a nice church in Bern and embrace the renaissance. Everything’s coming up
Savoy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Remember that coalition that formed against me? Well, led by
Cologne, they decide to declare a punitive war on me. How many nations are in
this coalition, you ask? All of the HRE. Yes, that’s right. Every single member
– Except Austria.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Proud Austria! My beautiful relative the Emperor would never
forsake me, and so he joins the war on my side. Still, against the might of the
princes of Germany we are a poor match. Surely my friends the French will join
us in this battle…?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V1kf1dahuRk/WjXuuM0ydZI/AAAAAAAAAkE/4Szxns2L0TEbyEot7H3uJghioYUpbBB-wCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-28%2B9_35_20%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="514" data-original-width="937" height="218" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-V1kf1dahuRk/WjXuuM0ydZI/AAAAAAAAAkE/4Szxns2L0TEbyEot7H3uJghioYUpbBB-wCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-28%2B9_35_20%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ah. Shit. Guess I shouldn’t have betrayed the French, then.
Because now they have abandoned me to my fate. Double betrayalI I suppose I
should have seen this coming.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Austrian brothers and I dig in for a long battle. The
coalition are fielding 100,000 troops while Austria has around 60,000, I have
around 16,000, and Milan 12,000. This isn’t looking good. Part of me is tempted
to hide up in the mountains and utilise my defensive bonuses, but with the
numbers they are throwing at me I don’t think it will do any good. My Savoyard
forces and Milanese allies skirt the south side of the Alps and make for
Austria to try and link up with the Emperor’s army. The best I can hope for is
to make some early gains and white peace out before they can take any
territory. But the coalition forces are ravaging Savoy. I settle in to siege
Ulm and the Palatinate, but it’s only a matter of time. Warscore is at 32% and
my fort defences are cracking, so I reluctantly go to the bargaining table.<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VObN7taheVY/WjXvBZr94DI/AAAAAAAAAkI/IN2HzGKrhNoMY6lHfVTGV_19t3kRcsZ9gCLcBGAs/s1600/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-28%2B9_49_28%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VObN7taheVY/WjXvBZr94DI/AAAAAAAAAkI/IN2HzGKrhNoMY6lHfVTGV_19t3kRcsZ9gCLcBGAs/s400/Europa%2BUniversalis%2BIV%2B2017-11-28%2B9_49_28%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is a problem.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The cost of peace is… demeaning. I’m forced to return all
three of the Swiss provinces I grabbed. I’m just glad they let me keep the
parts of Burgundy I stole. My prestige takes an incredible whack. That I
managed to avoid fighting is the only reason my army is relatively unscathed.
The rampaging Germans return north with their booty.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
OK, so maybe this was my own fault for not understanding the
aggressive expansion system, and for dicking over the French. But this insult
against my Savoyard honour will not stand. I hereby swear under holy God that I
will have my revenge upon the French for their cowardly abandonment. Cologne,
you are also on my shitlist. Austria, we cool. Everyone else, though, you
better watch out. Savoy has a long memory. And one day, she will have
vengeance.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-23545043759548394002017-12-02T23:08:00.001-05:002017-12-02T23:08:03.976-05:00The Byzantine Caliphate Parts 10 - 15: Sic Semper Tyrannus<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<b>The ByzanPict Caliphate Part 10 – Face Off</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The timing for a jihad against the Franks seems perfect, as
they’re already in the middle of a holy war against the Abbasids. I declare the
jihad, and quickly realise my mistake. Two whole armies of Franks are in the
Holy Land already, and the troops I can raise there are nowhere near adequate
to fend them off. As my British, Spanish, African and Italian troops arrive in
Aquitaine and start sieging, the two French armies in the east break off their
sieges and make for Constantinople. About 25K troops in total. There are also a
few allies, mostly my vassals, but not nearly enough.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So to augment my retinues and demesne troops, I hire the
Mamluks. I hope that this is enough to deal with the armies one at a time but I
mistime the attacks and allow myself to be crushed between the two armies. The
shattered Mamluks flee to Baghdad while the Franks continue west. They don’t
siege Constantinople, though, and make for home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If there was ever a bad time for a monarch to be sick, this
is it. But Amalrich appears to have picked up the Great Pox. This is bad news
all round – the last thing we need is Amalrich to die in the middle of a Jihad
with an underage heir. The blame obviously falls at the feet of problem-wife
Melissa, who you may remember Amalrich jailed for a few days for trying to
poison Shola, wife number 2. For a long time Amalrich has suspected that
Melissa was not exactly faithful, and their children together where not exactly
his. Since Amalrich is the faithful kind, this more or less proves that she is
responsible. Before Amalrich even has time to bring it up though, Melissa dies under
suspicious circumstances. Did Shola get her revenge? Perhaps we’ll never know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amalrich throws himself upon the mercy of Baldewin the
Eunuch, his court physician (fun fact, Amalrich has three eunuchs, all called
Baldewin). I pick the risky treatment option, and Amalrich is cured. However
Baldewin seems to have… amputated his face? I will miss the moustache,
especially. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now dressed like a medieval Darth Vader, Amalrich throws
himself back into directing the war. In one engagement, the Byzantine troops
lose 400 men, but manage to absolutely rout the Franks, killing almost 10,000
of them. Unfortunately that 14K blob from the Middle East is slowly trudging
its way back across Europe towards my massed armies. But with the Mamluk
mercenaries now rallying in Antioch, I’m able to ship them across the
Mediterranean ahead of the French armies. Docking in the county of Toulouse, I
set the Mamluks to smashing every small levy in sight. However the French
doomstack is approaching, and another similarly-sized one appears on the
horizon.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TnH4WeFlO4s/WiNw-4S_X9I/AAAAAAAAAiM/N6t615u7oNA4KJsF7qtcdcm6BJ3cd47lACLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-09-11%2B9_49_44%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="893" data-original-width="1209" height="295" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TnH4WeFlO4s/WiNw-4S_X9I/AAAAAAAAAiM/N6t615u7oNA4KJsF7qtcdcm6BJ3cd47lACLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-09-11%2B9_49_44%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amalrich III “The Great” the now-faceless first Kharijite
Caliph chooses this moment to snuff it from no-face related depression. His
heir, Anselm is only 17 years old, a fighty sort and very bold, but more than a
little bit dim. Nevertheless the untested Emperor takes control of the
mercenary forces and retreats them to Bordeaux. When the now combined French
army attacks my sieges, Anselm attacks from one side and my other armies from
the other. The Franks are easily bested and the jihad is won. Long live Anselm
“The Glorious”!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QCo0Ri9CbfQ/WiNxtH2Qd7I/AAAAAAAAAiY/-OpO67XW7zkLZPq-rRwk-7lB9smqblC0gCLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-09-11%2B10_18_26%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="556" height="345" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QCo0Ri9CbfQ/WiNxtH2Qd7I/AAAAAAAAAiY/-OpO67XW7zkLZPq-rRwk-7lB9smqblC0gCLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-09-11%2B10_18_26%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now all that remains is to distribute the titles to my now
rabbling vassals, marry a Syrian princess, and stop practising Jainism in
secret (which apparently he was doing) because I’m committed to Kharijitism now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The ByzanPict Caliphate Part 11 – A Farewell to Arms</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now that the jihad is won, the damage to House Uerturio’s
reputation done by the wastrel Gerlach is repaired. Decadence is at 0% and after
making the Duke of Barcelona King of Aquitaine and parcelling out the remaining
land to vassals, Anselm “The Glorious” can lay his plans for more astonishing
conquests. OK, but why am I still only bopping 40K soldiers and 30 gold a month?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s because the only way that the Empire was able to keep
operating during Amalrich’s reign, being the size it is, was because of his
frankly insane stewardship skill that gave me a vassal limit of 25. Sitting on
29 for most of his reign didn’t really affect my levies or tax income too much.
Unfortunately, Anselm is kind of a dolt with a vassal limit of only 19 due to
his puny stewardship. I feel like he’s this family’s Jaime Lannister – a great
knight but utterly abysmal at everything else. I marry him to a high
stewardship courtier, but it honestly doesn’t do much good. Something has to
give.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been trying to avoid granting independence to any of
the stray duke-level vassals I have that I can’t transfer to any kings, but at
this point the administrative drag they’re causing is impossible to deal with.
I grant independence to the Duchies of Greater Moravia and Neutra. The last one
is particularly hard because it’s a big one, roughly equivalent to the whole De
Jure kingdom of Bohemia, rashly destroyed by Aniel *erm* “The Rash” back in the
old days. Luckily it’s only independent for five seconds before my slimiest
vassal, Tsog “The Betrayer” of Poland starts a holy war for it. So hopefully it
will be back within the grasp of the Caliphate soon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, we’ve got a bit of a consumption epidemic now
too, so that necessitates battening down the hatches for a bit while it blows
over. This causes the vassal limit to drop further and this in turn causes my
vassals to faction against me again. Luckily, Anselm has a trump card in his
pocket. His dear old mum Adila, second wife of Amalrich III, has experienced
something of a late-life career change from trophy wife to cold-blooded murder
machine. Being a genius intricate webweaver, she has quite the intrigue score,
and as a loyalist was a natural choice for spymaster. In short order she
completely decimates the factions against me by assassinating the Queen of
Bavaria, the King of Serbia and the Duchess of Upper Burgundy. So I guess the
message is clear – if you have a problem vassal, send in Adila the Killa.
She’ll take care of it.<br />
<br />
Baldarich the Eunuch has some suggestions about securing the
tunnels under the castle. Unfortunately, there seems to be some crazy woman
down there called Gerhild “The Fox”. Anselm lets her stay in the castle because
she seems harmless and he’s a nice sort of bloke. Obviously, this
backfires horribly when it turns out that she’s some kind of evil genius
playing a Keyser Soze-level con on me. She lets a bunch of murderous peasants
into the castle to enact a diabolical assassination plan on Anselm. Being a
skilled knight, he’s able to fight them off, but loses a hand in the process.
At this point I can’t help but wonder if that Jaime Lannister parallel was a
self-fulfilling prophecy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miscellaneous notes:</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Tsog “The Betrayer” is an interesting guy. He’s
been blinded at some point, though I’m not sure who by. The Greeks, presumably.
He earned the “Betrayer” nickname by having his cheating wife executed.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Dear Allah, why did none of you tell me the realm
laws menu has a scroll down on it? All this time I’ve been looking for Imperial
Administration and Status of Women and here they are! Think of all the kickass
queens I could have been playing! Also, I could have had this vassal limit
problem sorted decades ago if I’d known where it was.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>My delight at Adila assassinating the annoying
Duchess of Upper Burgundy was somewhat spoiled by the fact that her lands were
immediately inherited by the Duke of Greater Moravia, who I’d just made independent.
Next time I will have to be more careful.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Sorry if that Jaime Lannister comment was a
spoiler.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The ByzanPict Caliphate Part 12 – A Farewell to… Leg?</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anselm “the Glorious” is working hard at getting his house
in order. Realising late in the game I would need Imperial Administration in
order to manage my absurd number of vassals and the equally absurd number of
rebellions they each produce, I managed to get a crown law change roughly every
10 years since the beginning of Amalrich III’s reign. At this point, I have
late feudal administration and I only need to enact a religious revocation law
and then imperial administration. So I have 20 more years of unreliable
taxation and levies, but I guess that’s my own fault. It’s about 1411 right now
so I’m not going to get to enjoy imperial administration for long.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily, I go through periods where my levy size is
tolerable – not quite as high as it should be, but big enough for me to field
some pretty massive armies. Since the truce with Francia has not yet worn off,
I’m looking elsewhere for a nice conquest. How about Egypt? The invasion CB is
cool but it can be limiting in late game when there are lots of states that
don’t properly adhere to their De Jure territory. I had intended to do an
Alexander and claim Persia, but now its split between the Abbassids and the
Sinda Empire, based in Afghanistan and the Punjab. Egypt, on the other hand, is
a big De Jure blob that I can take in a oner.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bEOT89jeYiA/WiNzDtJL1wI/AAAAAAAAAik/YAeOzI0u4iw5zdPFY4df4__ymhHboatZwCLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-09-22%2B11_15_35%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bEOT89jeYiA/WiNzDtJL1wI/AAAAAAAAAik/YAeOzI0u4iw5zdPFY4df4__ymhHboatZwCLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-09-22%2B11_15_35%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First, though, there’s another Catholic uprising to deal
with. I think this might be the 11<sup>th</sup> or so. Anselm sighs and saddles
his horse, riding off to combat the polytheist scum. However the infidels get
lucky, and Anselm is wounded in the fighting, losing a leg. Despite having only
one arm and one leg, he still has a 21 martial skill and ironically remains my
best general.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Anselm has recovered, I launch the Egyptian invasion.
It goes very well despite my dismembered commander. My tactic in situations
like this is to go for what won me the Byzantine Empire in the first place –
four to five large army detachments each sieging counties that are adjacent to
each other. If one army is attacked, it can then be quickly reinforced. However
most of the time it is possible to intimidate away enemy armies that come close
to you simply by making a move to intercept them early. I siege down the Nile
delta and without too much effort bring what was once the Roman Emperor’s
personal demesne back into the Empire. Weirdly, along with it I get a few
provinces over near the Tibetan plateau. I have no idea what to do with them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are a couple of deaths in the family as first
Amalrich’s third wife Shola (the poisoner) and then his second wife Adila (the
Killa, spymaster extraordinaire) pass away. Very sad. Also, Anselm is trying to
get to grips with having only one leg. He humiliates himself at a ball trying
to dance with a courtier he has a crush on. No wonder he’s depressed. He needs
some conquering to cheer him up.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a slight abuse of the invasion CB, but I figure why
the hell not and invade West Francia? Really, they’re the only threat to me
left in western Europe. My first attempt at this is a complete failure as I did
not heed my own advice about the coordinated sieges and instead ran my 50K levy
through the Alps in January chasing a French army. I savescummed and started
again. Once again, though, I’m running into the problem of defensive pacts.
This, combined with the enormous size of my realm, is causing trouble for me in
wars. For example, as I’m sieging down land in France, their allies <i>the Mongol
Empire</i> are sieging my undefended lands in the Crimea, just as the Sinda are
sieging FUCKING SAMARKAND and the Pecheneg Company are hiding down in Ethiopia
somewhere sieging territory. It’s very hard to deal with threats on multiple
fronts at once, especially when you’re counting on superior numbers to get you
through some hard sieges. So I split off a force of 14K or so to take out the
Pechenegs, which helps a bit. But it’s the sieges in France that actually bring
up the warscore. Weirdly I only get it to about 38% before it jumps to 100%. I
think I must have passed some arbitrary amount of territory taken to get that
high. I come to terms with the Emperor of Francia. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I make the Duke of Granada the King of West Francia, then
divvie out all the new lands to my vassals. I keep Paris for myself. Now we wait and see if we can get another chunk of Francia
before the end of the game. Also pretty sure I’m going to have to fight those
Northern Indians at some point. I can see them looking greedily at Samarkand.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But before I can make a decision on this latest move, Anselm
receives another missive from the Pope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Pope. Remember? The guy who calls all the crusades.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh yeah, that guy. What does he want? Uh huh. Right. Another
crusade for Italy. *sigh*<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The ByzanPict Caliphate Part 13: Always Be Popin’</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not going to bother raising all my troops this time
because frankly interest in this crusade is limited. Only the four Christian
holy orders are attacking my lands, and Anselm takes particular joy in smashing
his half-brother Hartwig’s Knights Hospitaller force, although he escapes
unharmed. It really doesn’t take very long for me to get the warscore up high
enough to force a white peace. Again, I could win, but it would take absolutely
ages and I’d rather spend the next few years up to 1453 doing something
constructive.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While this is happening, I begin to have a problem with
decadence again. The King of Ireland (distant cousin) has produced a prodigious
number of sons and he has apparently allowed them to become shiftless layabouts
preoccupied with carnal sins and alcohol. Of course that cannot be allowed. The
first three sons agree to straighten up, but the fourth refuses and I imprison
him. The King of Ireland starts to actively plot against me, so I have him
whacked. Easy enough considering he’s a disfigured monster with a huge tyranny
penalty against him. Nobody misses him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The King of West Francia has now declared himself King of
France so amusingly we now have a situation where the King of France and the
Emperor of Francia are two different people. Francia is certainly a weak and
hobbled state, in a constant state of revolt. I now possess all of the west of
the country except Brittany. I have also taken away quite a lot of their lands
in Andalusia. I still have a truce with Francia proper so I will wait a
little while before declaring for Austrasia or Germany.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fortunately, I’m able to take advantage of a French revolt
to finally take about half of the remaining Frankish provinces in Andalusia. Hispania is looking
redder every day. While I’m doing this, the Sunni Caliph surprises me by
declaring a jihad for the remaining French provinces of Andalusia, which is really
hardly anything at all. I immediately forget about this since it doesn’t
involve me at all.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m mulling over my next moves – attacking the Kilabids who
possess Persia and most of the Arabian peninsula is a logical next step, but
they are good kharijites like me so maybe I’ll let them be. This is a less
attractive idea to me than it used to be now, because my secret desire is to
push across Afghanistan and into Northern India a la Alexander the Great. The
Sinda Empire appears to be crumbling now – its western flank has converted to
Shia Islam (i.e. the wrong Islam) and broken away from its power centre in the
Punjab. So this means I have to plow through an extra Muslim state in order to
get an Invasion CB on Sinda. Realistically, time is getting short now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My ruminations are cut short however by another Catholic
revolt, this time in Bohemia. The first round is easily put down by my
retinues, but another mob rises up in western France led by a charismatic
peasant leader called Pelagios. Anselm saddles his horse and at the head of his
knight retinue and a moderately-sized levy from Constantinople and the
surrounding area, goes forth to do battle. Unfortunately, an enormous
liberation revolt is called at exactly the same time. The two armies are
technically allied with one another, so this makes the proposition of attacking
them slightly more dangerous. I wait a little to gather more levies (being over
the vassal limit is still hampering my ability to levy troops) then send Anselm
in to attack.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anselm crushes the liberation army first. The peasants are
no match for my highly trained knights and they are swiftly despatched and
their leader executed. The Caliph then hops into the next province to do battle
with the remaining Catholics. Brave Anselm leads in person, of course, but in
the course of the action he receives a crushing blow to the face which leaves
him horrifically disfigured. In addition to his one hand and one leg. Anselm is
understandably vexed. Pelagios, the leader of the revolt is in his dungeon, so
in a rage he mutilates Pelagios as well, and keeps the Catholic leader at his
court as an example to others who might consider rebellion. Now both of them
sport matching masks. (In retrospect, I wish I'd thought to make him court jester)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now Anselm is extra depressed. If the ladies didn’t love him
when he was only one-armed and one-legged, then now they definitely aren’t
interested. Anselm’s first wife died of natural causes some time ago, leaving
his two secondary wives Hypatia and Aikaterine his only spouses. Unfortunately,
his appearance utterly revolts them now, so Anselm invests in a golden mask
which somehow improves his sex appeal. Unfortunately, at this point Hypatia is
rumbled trying to poison his son Berthold, so he has her executed in a blind
fury.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily, while all this has been going on, the clock has
ticked away sufficiently from my last law change to allow me to finally get
Imperial Administration. All of the administrative problems the Caliphate has
had for a century disappear instantly. I’m reaping more than 200 gold per
month. My levies are 240K. Finally, the Caliphate’s power is actually
commensurate to its size. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To celebrate, I decide to launch an invasion of Burgundy.
The ten-year truce with the Emperor Alphonse “The Dragon” (who is both kind and
a cannibal) is over, so there’s nothing to stop me. The war is actually kind of
uneventful. I am simply able to move as many troops as I can to Burgundy and
occupy virtually every province they have. I never actually go into deficit to
manage this. In one battle I actually get to 40% warscore. Bear in mind that
there is still a defensive pact against me that includes basically every
country, empire and tiny independent duchy in the world. None of them can rival
the might of the Caliphate! Victory and Salvation!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3qtVUaL_FLY/WiNzl5cz1GI/AAAAAAAAAis/kp8lL9TFGN0_eFoTBFqdP02nXzMVOOwCQCEwYBhgL/s1600/ck2%2B2017-10-14%2B10_15_18%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-3qtVUaL_FLY/WiNzl5cz1GI/AAAAAAAAAis/kp8lL9TFGN0_eFoTBFqdP02nXzMVOOwCQCEwYBhgL/s400/ck2%2B2017-10-14%2B10_15_18%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point, France is getting embarrassingly small. Also,
looking at the map, my font size is massive. I make a random cousin King of
Burgundy and dish out the rest of the provinces to vassals who are unhappy with
the new administration system absolutely reaming them for taxes. What will be
next? Take on the Kilabids? Subjugate Abyssinia? Conquer the Abbasids? Nothing
is impossible anymore.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miscellaneous observations:</div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Grandmaster Hartwig escaped punishment for his
crimes by dying of cancer. Shame. Wanted to see some brother-on-brother
violence. Uerturiobowl denied.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>Oh, remember that jihad for Andalusia? Well,
while I was drubbing France, the Abbasids were quietly stealing those lands
from behind both of our backs. My new neighbours are green instead of blue.
They’re still the wrong religion, but hey, at least they’re Muslim.</li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The ByzanPict Caliphate Part 14 – A Fish out of Water</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Caliph Anselm is no slouch, so immediately after seizing
Burgundy from the Franks, he ships his retinues back to the Middle East for an
invasion of Persia. Holding Persia currently are the Sunni Kilabid family, from
which Anselm’s mum Adila the Killa hailed. This doesn’t stop him bulldozing his
relatives' family holdings and annexing his lands into the Empire. The
Caliphate now extends as far east as Afghanistan, although I think on
reflection I’m unlikely to get any further. The Sinda Empire is breaking apart
even more now, with the Maharajah having converted to Shia Islam. On the off
chance he gets his shit together, I betroth one of Anselm’s daughters to him. I
figure if he wins his revolts, he’ll be a powerful ally, and if he loses he’ll
be dead and I won’t have to honour the betrothal.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just across the Red Sea from my rich Egyptian lands, the
Abbasids who hold much of the Arabian Peninsula still are having trouble. They’ve
got a big revolt on their hands, mostly centred around those Andalusian lands
they took from the Franks and in the Duchy of Medina. Now, I don’t see any
reason why the inferior Sunni Caliph should have two of Islam’s holy sites, so
off we go to claim them. Since I’m declaring on a revolt, they aren’t part of
the defensive pact against me so it’s only a matter of time before I’ve got all
of the Andalusian territory sieged down and am assaulting Mecca itself. The
only blot on the event is that I accidentally marched an army through the
desert where attrition made them easy pickings for the better-prepared
Bedouins. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, the cough that Caliph Anselm has had for a
while developed into full-blown consumption, so it’s off to the sawbones he goes.
This time, the treatment is so successful that it actually makes him <i>more</i>
powerful in his battles against the Abbassids. I then get the notification
Anselm has survived consumption, but is now completely riddled with dysentery.
I get the doctor on it again, and as Anselm goes through the “drink the water
with the fish in it” treatment again, he only goes and CHOKES TO DEATH on one
of the fish.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At this point, you have to laugh. Anselm had fought
personally in hundreds of battles, lived through<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>wounds that would kill lesser men, survived
assassination attempts, lost a leg, a hand, and even his face, and still he
went on ticking. Anselm “The Glorious” - killed by a fish administered by an
incompetent quack.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Naturally, Caliph Amalrich II (Amalrich IV if we’re going by
the Kaiser title) makes his first move to fire the surgeon. Amalrich has the
impressive nickname “The Magnificent” from technically conquering Mecca and
Medina, even though Anselm did the lion’s share of the work. Me, I’m not
convinced. Amalrich is cripplingly shy, has no diplomacy points, and is a
mediocre steward and warrior. To top it off, he seems to have inherited the old
Uerturio clubfoot that plagued Uuen “The Black”. Instantly, I have a number of
factions on my hands, which I spend almost 10k gold to talk down.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find that almost always when you get a lot of factions,
the only thing that will quiet them is military victory. If that’s also
combined with land grants, then that’s a bonus. The death of Anselm has voided
my truce with the Franks, so in order to shore up his legitimacy, Amalrich
decides to take Germany. Remember, that this branch of Uerturios are culturally
German.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Although the Franks put up a spirited defense in their
Bavarian provinces, the Byzantine numbers make it largely a waiting game. I
quickly siege down Koln and give the Germans a German ruler in the form of my
half-brother Berthold. Even if Bertie is a visible minority (mother was a Bedouin) there’s no opinion
penalty for that. Hopefully this gift will mend the schism between Bertie and
myself. They have not got on very well since Amalrich's mum tried to poison him and dad
had her executed. Luckily, this actually works and the brothers are on far
better terms now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amalrich looks into assassinating Alphonse “The Dragon” but
it doesn’t look like this will happen. There's not a spymaster around of the calibre of his granny, Adila the Killa. Nevertheless he’s getting on in years to
there’s a chance he might die and void the truce again. If this happens,
Austrasia will be mine.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some extra conquering is actually happening without my
input. Ulf, King of Sweden took over Denmark in a holy war, wiping that persistent
item off my to-do list. The King of Antioch is making a very good attempt to
grab Francia’s Bavarian lands from them, too. I hope he succeeds.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The ByzanPict Caliphate Part 15 – The End of the Uerturios</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brother Bertie is dead. My beloved younger brother Berthold,
King of the Germans, has perished in a duel against a courtier named Anthemios.
Now I must dedicate the last ten years of game time to enacting my revenge on
the douche. I begin to spy on him, hopefully I’ll get the chance to abduct him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First though, I push a claim on Abyssina which turns out
actually to be a DUCHY in Abyssina and not the whole thing. Oops. I have to go
back and finish the job when they have a revolt a few months later.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have another adventurer waiting to make a claim, but I’m
able to bribe his wife and a number of his courtiers and soon he’s careening
off a cliff in a sabotaged carriage.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since I have less than 10 years of game time left, I need to
figure out my last steps. Alphonse is still alive so it looks like the truce with
France will hold for now, I suppose I could break it, but the Abbasid blobs in Andalusia
annoy me more right now. I make a move to invade.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m happily sieging Abbasid holdings in Cordoba when I get a
notification that gives me pause. The decadence meter is rising.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Crusader Kings II is a game of small decisions. Seemingly
insignificant choices can have consequences that reach down through the
centuries to kick you in the ass. Sometimes everything you’ve built over the
years can come crashing down all because of one simple decision. And it can
come down fast. Usually, it’s your own fault. Sometimes, though, just
sometimes, there’s someone else to blame.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Like this motherfucker right here:<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
<insert breth="" ireland="" king="" of="" picture=""></insert></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, the Irish are really bad at being Muslim. Just
astonishingly, earth-shatteringly bad. It’s the drink, I reckon. The Irish
can’t resist its siren song. This is why Irish Uerturio princes seem to turn
decadent at a ridiculous rate. The Irish Uerturios are also remarkably fecund,
producing an average of four sons per crop, most of whom inevitably end up in
my dungeon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My go to method for dealing with decadence is this: ask them
to straighten up and ditch the orgies or whatever, and if they refuse jail them
for life. This is why if you go into my dungeon, you’ll find three of the sons
of Breth, two sons of King Mubashir of France, a son of Fadl “The Great” of
Andalusia. Some of them have been there for decades. Amalrich II (but really
IV) was even forced to add his own son, Anselm, to their number. Decadence is too big
a risk.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So it appears that Breth wishes to join his sons in the
clink. Strange, since he’s an old man, and generally they don’t go decadent. I
also, I heard that kings never went decadent, but I guess this proves otherwise.
I ask him to straighten up, and he refuses. Here’s where the trouble really
starts: I try to imprison him, and he raises his flag in rebellion. So now I’m
in a race against time to defeat his rebellion and chop his head off before my
decadence maxes out and I have real problems. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, Ireland has gotten
massive, given I’ve been handing out land every time I conquer anything to keep
the vassals happy. Ireland’s got Mauretania and a huge chunk of Abyssina.
Nevertheless I ship my army to Ireland and attempt to storm the capital. But…
I’m too late.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Quick break in the story to gripe about the game mechanics.
There was literally nothing I could do to stop this arbitrary event from
occurring. Maybe if my character had higher intrigue I could have had Breth assassinated
or kidnapped before the decadence gain got too high. Decadence just rises so
quickly. In under a year, it’s over 80%.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Decadence Revolt begins. It raises 240,000 troops, IN
NORWAY. Why Norway? Are there even 240K people living in Norway? With the
strain on levies and fleets from my decadence, I have no idea how I’m going to
get my armies up there. The revolt starts sieging down provinces. And they go
fast. So fast. The holdings in Scandinavia are puny at the best of times, but
with 240K stack sitting on top of them, occupation is nearly instantaneous.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XLg7t3hoiCI/WiN1OYpClEI/AAAAAAAAAjI/e_RjjsgXZv02ao5S-0E47TJ10lhAqfTYgCLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-11-04%2B12_20_11%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XLg7t3hoiCI/WiN1OYpClEI/AAAAAAAAAjI/e_RjjsgXZv02ao5S-0E47TJ10lhAqfTYgCLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-11-04%2B12_20_11%2BAM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is a coughing death rattle, as Amalrich II “The
Magnificent” dies a natural death, presumably from sheer pique at the game’s
audacity. So who’s my heir again? Oh, shit…<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dpc1146C3Bs/WiN1BLKmWCI/AAAAAAAAAjE/W2u2S7pT-TcaaoemZ5Uft2qP8h7UWduOwCLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-11-04%2B12_33_38%2BAM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="879" data-original-width="1101" height="317" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dpc1146C3Bs/WiN1BLKmWCI/AAAAAAAAAjE/W2u2S7pT-TcaaoemZ5Uft2qP8h7UWduOwCLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-11-04%2B12_33_38%2BAM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Caliph Poppo is five years old and rather more concerned
with playing with his toys than with the gigantic army coming to steal his
birthright. His regent is Fadl of Andalusia, who hated his father for
imprisoning his son. So this is off to a good start.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Poppo doesn’t give a shit about getting revenge on Anthemius
so he instead tries to kill the King of Ireland. He fails, but Breth dies of
natural causes leaving another five-year-old in charge. I white peace the war
and attempt to marshal my remaining troops to take on the rebels. I do not have
nearly enough troops.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Worrying signs abound. For the first time ever, someone
refuses a royal marriage offer from me. Uerturio princesses used to be a sign
that you’d made it. Now, everyone just wants to wait and see how the chips
fall. Probably not in my favour. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eventually, I have 170K troops, the most I could muster,
amassed in Denmark. The warscore is currently -99%. My troops cross into Norway
for one last apocalyptic battle…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
… and the game ends. Kind of anticlimactic.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mean, we all know how this one shakes out, but still. If
I’d had just a few more months I could have seen my beautiful armies pounded
into the Scandinavian permafrost, and poor Poppo smothered by his self-serving
courtiers. Or I could choose to believe that Poppo’s generals pulled some kind
of Austerlitz-level victory out of their hats. Or I could just choose to leave
it at that – the Caliphate stretching from the Atlantic to the Caspian Sea. No
need to dwell on what happens to tiny Poppo!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been a wild ride that has taken almost a year in real
time. I went from a Pictish tribal chief, to King of the Picts, to the Eastern
Roman Emperor, to the German Caliph. I defended Rome from the Mongols,
systematically dismantled France and sent a humiliated Pope into exile. I took
Jerusalem and conquered Egypt. And now, it is over. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One day I likely will load this into Europa Universalis IV, although I can’t
imagine it’ll be that much fun. Apparently EUIV becomes quite boring when you have an Empire this huge. Although it might be quite fun to try and convert the Americas to Islam, if I can defeat my rebels.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s still much I want to do with CK2. I’ve
never played as nomads, or in India (I’ll hold off doing those until I’ve bought
Jade Dragon) or Norse. I’ll definitely return to the medieval period. For now,
though, I’m enjoying a change of pace, starting an EUIV campaign as the Duchy
of Savoy.I expect I'll be boring you with news of that before long.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraph">
<br /></div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-88547196255945459022017-10-18T21:26:00.000-04:002017-10-18T21:26:03.957-04:00The ByzanPict Empire 9 – The ByzanPict Caliphate<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
With the Pope’s half-hearted attempts to seize back Italy
fought off, it’s time for Amalrich to do some expansion of his own. The target
will once again be in the Middle East. The De Jure kingdom of Damascus has been
under Frankish control since the early Crusades. Damascus is one of the holy
sites I need if I want to be proclaimed Caliph. And you’re damned right I want
to be proclaimed Caliph.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--CLi5wrcGMo/Wef-bS0OKZI/AAAAAAAAAhg/4bz4bKgW7qAaSZCavRTwpdYIsRmdPsoaACLcBGAs/s1600/damascus.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="473" data-original-width="679" height="277" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/--CLi5wrcGMo/Wef-bS0OKZI/AAAAAAAAAhg/4bz4bKgW7qAaSZCavRTwpdYIsRmdPsoaACLcBGAs/s400/damascus.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I spend 1000 piety for an invasion of Damascus. My retinues
and demesne troops are right next to Damascus, so they swoop in quickly and
start sieging. I gather my forces in Poland and Bohemia and strike against the
Franks in Allemania. Meanwhile my Italian, African, Mauretanian and Spanish
troops set up a few sieges in Burgundy. This combined approach works, for the
Franks quickly capitulate. Amalrich doles out the territories won to the few
discontented Kharijite kings to avoid the penalty for holding too much land.
Amalrich is just over 50 years old now, so I think he’s due a big birthday
present. I create the Kharijite Caliphate to give him.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n5kbKtFP_z4/Wef-8u7QK2I/AAAAAAAAAhk/PKOsgjVAplAtjLKQV7_F-26j7cz29zreACLcBGAs/s1600/create%2Bcaliphate.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="334" data-original-width="230" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-n5kbKtFP_z4/Wef-8u7QK2I/AAAAAAAAAhk/PKOsgjVAplAtjLKQV7_F-26j7cz29zreACLcBGAs/s320/create%2Bcaliphate.png" width="219" /></a></div>
That’s it. I won. When I started Amalrich’s reign I set
myself the goal of creating a Kharijite Caliphate, and that’s exactly what I’ve
done. It’s much different from what I had expected to be doing at this point,
i.e. expanding a Christian Roman Empire deep into the Middle East. But there’s
no way I’m stopping now. It’s 1395 and I have just about 60 years left on the
clock. Now that I’m Caliph, I’m essentially both Emperor and Pope at the same
time. I can call jihads now, and that will come in handy for the next phase of
my plan: weaken the Franks.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The Franks have been the one constant in this game – the big
blue blob that will never die, constantly in the way of my expansion, competing
with me on crusades, forming defensive pacts against me even when I was so big
I could have crushed them one-on-one. So If I want to port this campaign over to
Europa Universalis IV (and I do) it seems natural that they will be the only
real external threat to me. I can see it being a race between Catholic France
and the Muslim Romans to colonize the Americas. So while I can, I’m going to do
my best to destabilise them and to steal as much territory as I can. And now
that I can call jihads…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
… hmmm, wait a second… why is my levy stuck at 40K and my
income at -30 a month.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Oh no, Gerlach! Gerlach! What is this? Have you been eating
grapes?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
While I have not been paying attention, apparently my son
and heir Gerlach has been shaming the whole dynasty with his decadent ways. As
a result my tax income is heavily curtailed, my levies are miniscule (seriously
I have no ships. None), and my vassal limit, already overtaxed is actually
shrinking. This is my first experience with decadence, one of the most annoying
game mechanics in CK2. I find it very difficult to believe that after
reclaiming two of Islam’s most holy sites, going on Hajj, celebrating Ramadan
each year and single-handedly turning the world’s biggest Christian Empire into
a stable Caliphate my vassals would judge me a “bad Muslim” because one of my
sons likes luxury a bit too much. But putting aside for now how ridiculous this
is, how on earth do I fix it? I try and straighten him up but he doesn’t
listen, although he does give me a gift of an excellent eunuch to leave him
alone. I try giving him his dead brother’s barony of Carthage to run. It does
nothing. How on earth can I get rid of decadence?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The only thing that stops the decadence gain is Gerlach’s
own foolish ambition. Mere months after giving him Carthage, I get news that he
is plotting to have Amalrich killed. So into the jail with Gerlach, where he
perishes from general neglect in short order. Decadence gain stops at 26%. I
let the game run for a while to see if it depletes now that Gerlach is dead –
it doesn’t. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That means that I have to perform an extremely large act of
Muslim zeal to get that decadence down. Something physically demanding.
Something that gets the whole family involved. Outdoors preferably. But also
something pious and impressive. I’ve got it! JIHAD FOR AQUITAINE!<br />
<br />
<br />
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Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-49138486959308314992017-10-06T23:03:00.000-04:002017-10-06T23:03:44.569-04:00The ByzanPict Empire Part 8: Revenge of the Pope<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
So there’s a question that gets asked in CK2 circles that
goes a little like this: “what’s the worst you’ve ever fucked up raising a
kid?” The possibilities for error are endless – pick the wrong educator or land
them too early and you’ve got a low-stat indolent wastrel on your hands. In the
case of Aldrich, Amalrich’s first son with Marie of Carthage, I really screwed
the pooch. He was originally being tutored by his mother at her court in
Africa, but I was concerned about his Christian education and wanted him as my
ward to make sure he picked up Islam. However, I must have pressed the wrong
button or forgot to set a focus or something, because when he came of age he
had apparently been studying theology completely unguided instead of learning
from me. In fact, the only good thing I did for him was to encourage him to be
ambitious, which led to him hate me. It became obvious from this point that he
wasn’t going to be the heir I needed, and I would have to look elsewhere.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
What about his brothers, the twins Hartwig and Michael? I
never did rescue them from Marie’s court, so they remain Christian. To top it
off, Hartwig – fucking Hartwig! – is the heir to the Knights Hospitaller. One
of my own sons joining a Christian holy order, without asking my permission? Faugh!
I mean, he lives at Krak Des Chevaliers which is undeniably badass, but surely
there will be consequences to this decision.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ryExhVS40NM/WdhDownnw6I/AAAAAAAAAhE/RAYUEPcdJZowjS-CIfbFAz3WwtcOA3EAwCLcBGAs/s1600/1200px-Krak_des_Chevaliers_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="679" data-original-width="1200" height="226" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ryExhVS40NM/WdhDownnw6I/AAAAAAAAAhE/RAYUEPcdJZowjS-CIfbFAz3WwtcOA3EAwCLcBGAs/s400/1200px-Krak_des_Chevaliers_01.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hartwig's hoose</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Luckily, Adila, Amalrich’s Kuwaiti genius secondary wife,
produces a son, Gerlach, for me to groom to succeed him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
To celebrate, I use yet another rebellion against the
Mazdaki rulers of Francia as a distraction while I send an expedition into the
Levant to capture the duchy of Jerusalem for Islam. It goes off without a hitch
and I’m able to distribute the lands to faithful Kharijite vassals.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Ep0hRyndEY/WdhDRd6Xz9I/AAAAAAAAAhA/v4fn9vF8AjYTy3FzrVcGAg--USiJxNFAQCLcBGAs/s1600/Jerusalem%2B2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="734" data-original-width="1209" height="242" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Ep0hRyndEY/WdhDRd6Xz9I/AAAAAAAAAhA/v4fn9vF8AjYTy3FzrVcGAg--USiJxNFAQCLcBGAs/s400/Jerusalem%2B2.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
Plotting is
minimal, at the moment. I still have a few Catholic vassals, the chief of which
is Lubb of Andalusia, who succeeded Iestan. This hideous brute was badly maimed
in battle trying to fruitlessly push the claim on the Empire of Francia
inherited from Enudaig. Lubb’s son is a Kharijite, so I have him assassinated,
and young Yahya takes over.<br />
<br />
With my levies drifting into 190,000 territory for the first
time ever, Amalrich feels free to begin to ponder the invasion of Persia, which
is roughly half of the Abbasids remaining territory. Or perhaps Egypt? The
possibilities of the Invasion CB are endless, provided you have the piety. And
Amalrich has piety to spare. However, these plans are sidelined when Amalrich
receives a letter from the Pope.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AMPvXOvGyr4/WdhCu5Jee0I/AAAAAAAAAg0/HKMF_URtymo7_II0hRRJ4Zx-aCfiAHtHQCLcBGAs/s1600/Pope%2Bwar.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="599" data-original-width="928" height="256" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AMPvXOvGyr4/WdhCu5Jee0I/AAAAAAAAAg0/HKMF_URtymo7_II0hRRJ4Zx-aCfiAHtHQCLcBGAs/s400/Pope%2Bwar.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Yeah, the Pope. Remember that guy? He used to be kind of a
big deal.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Catholicism was the dominant religion in Europe for much of
the game, even converting the Orthodox Byzantines in the 11<sup>th</sup>
century. However the dreadful decline of the religion’s moral authority can be
traced back to Rome’s disastrous loss to the Mongol Empire, and its subsequent
recovery for Christendom by the Empire of Pictland. If you’ll recall, Uuen “The
Black” didn’t really see the upside to handing Rome back to the Pope, especially
as he was a vassal of the Franks. Amalrich’s conversion to the Kharijite faith
was only the final nail in the coffin.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
With Emperor Arnaud’s conversion to Mazdak, the Pope was
once again forced to flee from persecution, this time essentially a renegade in
a largely non-Christian Europe. He fled back to Rome, where he dwelled in
secret, away from the agents of the Byzantines. At least this is what I’m
telling myself to explain why I just can’t arrest the fucker.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
So Pope Urbanus V (called “the Good” even though he is a
Wicked Priest) called a crusade for Italy. Since my experience of having jihads
called upon me were of fighting frenetic, highly mobile defensive wars with
little time for sieging, I immediately raised all of my troops – and nothing
happened. I sat waiting for the Pope’s inevitable doomstack to show up. But it
didn’t. The only people to join the crusade were the High Chief of Ugra – two
provinces up in Russia somewhere – and the Holy Orders. I stepped down a
significant number of my troops, send a few up to siege Ugra, cursing the name
of attrition as I did so, and with the rest storm the Holy Orders holdings –
including Gerlach’s home in Krak Des Chevaliers. Yes, I am fighting against my
own son in this war.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Frankly, this isn’t much of a crusade. I get up to 50%
warscore before I realise with horror that Arnaud has been toppled by his
revolt, and a Catholic ruler now sits on the throne of Francia. Although the
king has not declared yet, many of his vassals have. Could this be the end for
Amalrich (Now known as “The Great”)? No, sod it. The Emperor of Francia
declares the war and I White Peace out. There’s no way I’m wasting men on the
pretentions to significance of a dying religion. It would be nice to get that
sweet moral authority bonus, but I can’t justify expenditure in gold and lives
of continuing the war.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I don’t know whether this is god’s judgment or not, but the
Black Death has recurred in Carthage. First to die is Aldrich, the uninspiring
heir. Queen Marie also pops her clogs from ill-health. Yet another reason not
to be warring right now. Amalrich takes yet another wife – this time an
attractive Greek named Melissa. The wives immediately begin to squabble, with
allegations of attempted poisoning flying. Amalrich ignores it, merely putting Melissa
in the dungeon for a few days before releasing her – but will soon regret that
he did.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-19013239754203948032017-09-29T22:28:00.000-04:002017-09-29T22:32:06.055-04:00The ByzanPict Empire Part 7: Sweded<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before I can do anything about the Franks, there’s a Swede,
Åke, with a claim on one of my titles who’s amassed a 30K army. Now we see one
of the pitfalls of having a gigantic empire – by the time I’ve managed to get
all of my troops together and shipped off to their rallying point in Saxony,
the warscore is already -50%. Luckily one battle is enough to get into the
positive figures, and the remnants of their forces actually decamp to their
ships and flee into the Mediterranean. I leave half of the army to liberate the
counties they took, and with the other half, give chase! In a rather surreal
and completely unrealistic sequence my fleet tails theirs all the way to
Constantinople, where they jump out and smash themselves against the Theodosian
Walls like a bunch of morons. It doesn’t matter, because there’s only 6,000 or
so of them left, and my armies have already erased their gains in Sweden. Åke
surrenders and Amalrich banishes him from the realm, keeping his 700 gold for
himself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All the time I’m doing this I am keeping extremely close
watch on my factions. Rodislav, the King of Italy fancies himself worthy of the
Empire, but his faction includes only himself, so I don’t think I have to worry
too much about him. I still have a hefty independence faction, although most of
my vassal kings must be in jail at this point so it only includes Iestan, the
King of Scotland (Enudaig died in the oubliette) and the King of Bavaria. It’ll
take a damn miracle to stop it from growing, though.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Another problem I’m having to deal with is the Catholic
revolts that keep cropping up from time to time. It pretty much only takes my
demesne levies and retinues to destroy them, but they’re occurring with quite
disturbing frequency now. Despite this, I’ve had the first few counties fully
convert to Kharijite Islam. Hopefully we’ll have some more soon.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now I can finally get to the conquest of Damascus and
Jerusalem. However, the Franks are having their own version of the conflict
that my own empire is having. The Frankish Emperor, Arnaud, stunned the world
by announcing his conversion to Mazdaki Zoroastrianism. Yes. Not even proper
Zoroastrianism. So the two largest Christian empires are now both run by
adherents of eastern heresies. Did I mention that secret societies are
completely broken? And still, I love it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next step, I think, will be to use the Muslim Invasion
CB to invade Jerusalem. Once I have that, I can declare a bog-standard holy war
for Damascus. Both of these wars will be incredibly difficult but if I can
exploit the religious turmoil within the Frankish Empire (while managing my
own) I should be able to do it. If Amalrich survives long enough to get these
holy sites he’ll proclaim himself Caliph. If he dies and his Christian son
Aldrich takes over, then he’ll proclaim himself Augustus. And then I’ll convert
him back to Islam because at this point I think trying to go backwards towards
Catholicism will be harder. And also more boring.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Kharijite Islam is really the best religion for trying to
expand your realm. It enables you to declare holy wars on both infidel
Christians and Muslims of any denomination. The Muslim Invasion CB is really
overpowered, and county conquest will probably be useful. Caliphal subjugation,
not so much since I can only use it on rulers of the same denomination and as
far as I can tell there are none. Once I’ve got these two wars out of the way I
can either try and take Persia from the Abbasids or hoover up as much of
Francia as I can.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Couple of fun miscellaneous events: </div>
<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>The Queen of Sweden seduced her jailer and
escaped, only to die in battle against Muslim rebels. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"></span></span></span>A courtier comes to ask to join the Knights
Templar. Since the Knights Templar are a heathen Christian order and I don’t
get any piety gain from letting him go, I was about to refuse, but then I
noticed the courtier had the “eunuch” trait. It was none other than
Innekentios, the former rebel that Amalrich’s dad had castrated. Since current
Amalrich is a reasonable and Godly man, and probably a little ashamed by his
dad’s excesses, he let him go. Sure, Innekentios, go join the Knights Templar.
I’m sure I will see you on the battlefield.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>I also stole a bunch of Norway when they had a
revolt. Norway is now 1 county in Scandinavia, Iceland and Mallorca.</li>
</ul>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-67067682239859338522017-09-21T22:00:00.001-04:002017-09-21T22:00:33.773-04:00The ByzanPict Empire Part 6: Gigantic Civil War Edition<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->In 1364, Amalrich III had reasons to celebrate. In the year
since he’d succeeded his father as Byzantine Emperor, he’d announced his
conversion to Islam and murdered his brother Werner all without serious
consequences to his reign. Now, he welcomed the news his wife, Marie of
Carthage, was pregnant, and for good measure decided to take a second spouse.
He found one in Adila, the 16-year-old strong genius daughter of the Sultan of
the Kilabids, who held the land bordering the Kingdom of Mesopotamia, all the
way down to the Red Sea. To top that off, he’d just arranged an alliance with
the French that ought to shore up his western borders. Everything was coming up
Amalrich.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Uv3TeCfqxY4/WcRt7H85MgI/AAAAAAAAAgc/JPi9K3QfvU0E0OuyU57QKZTFg0V3dRQkgCLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-09-21%2B10_55_09%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="448" data-original-width="548" height="325" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Uv3TeCfqxY4/WcRt7H85MgI/AAAAAAAAAgc/JPi9K3QfvU0E0OuyU57QKZTFg0V3dRQkgCLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-09-21%2B10_55_09%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Genius wife!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Some changes needed to be made to accommodate the Empire’s
new religion. First, the Christian court chaplain was fired, and a good
Kharijite Muslim appointed in his place. Then that chaplain was sent to preach
in England, and hopefully convert the child king. Mordeleg, the old king, who
had been Muslim, had died in suspicious circumstances some years before
(although many suspected Amalrich’s father, Amalrich “The Cruel”), proving the
biggest stumbling block to the acceptance of Allah in the British Isles. With
the Queen of Wales having converted to Islam in Amalrich’s dungeon, where she
had languished since the last big revolt, and the ailing Enudaig of Pictland’s
son and heir Iestan a convert also, England with luck England would follow
suit.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
In fact, the makeup of the Empire seems to be a roughly half
and half split between Catholics and Kharijites. See below for a list of my
major vassals:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Muslim</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Emperor, King of Cyprus, King of Great Moravia, King of
Portugal, King of Castille</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Queen of Sicily, Wallachia</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Queen of Wales</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Galicia</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Mesopotamia</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Alania</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Georgia</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Republic of Venice</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Christian</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Poland</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Bavaria</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Scotland, Mauretania, Ireland and Andalusia</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Queen of Sweden</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Greece</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Anatolia</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Trebizond</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of England</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Antioch</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Queen of Afric </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
King of Italy</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you can see, it’s roughly 50/50. I will say, however, the
Christian rulers have definitely got the strongest parts of the empire.
England, Scotland, Italy, Poland and Bavaria, for instance, are incredibly
strong, while on the Muslim side the recently-conquered Georgia is still nursing
enmity with the Empire, while the others are all small kingdoms with very
little in the way to offer for levies. Luckily I’ve got the alliance with the
French and the Kilabids as well as cash for mercs if I need them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
So although everything is good now, it couldn’t really be
expected to stay that way forever, could it? The Greeks of the Eastern Roman
Empire had never quite gotten used to being ruled by Germans, but Muslim
Germans? That was a step too far.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Since taking the Byzantine Empire, I’ve faced so many
revolts I couldn’t count them. Some of them big, some of them against single
kingdoms that I’ve deliberately provoked in order to remove them from factions.
I’ve even, on occasion, switched off and reloaded because the revolt was too
stupidly big for me to counter. That made me feel like a cheat. I understand
why the game does this – it doesn’t want you to become too powerful so will
knock you down on occasion. But I just don’t want to have come this close to
achieving my goals and get kicked back to one county because I didn’t
understand the rules when I started playing. Next time my empire will be more
stable because I will have made the necessary changes to laws etc to manage a
larger empire. I’m stuck playing catch up right now, but I simply cannot get
any law change past the council. Even the ones who like me vote against
everything. I have two loyalists, but there’s always one malcontent that I’ve
had to give a council position to stop them from factioning, and they’re nearly
always bribing at least two other council members to also be dicks.<br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bKy9NgZ_0SE/WcRuGIh1vRI/AAAAAAAAAgg/RnJNL2TUAyUwfDSDmp03Ed_-alztrvhOACLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-09-21%2B10_54_44%2BPM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="721" data-original-width="906" height="317" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bKy9NgZ_0SE/WcRuGIh1vRI/AAAAAAAAAgg/RnJNL2TUAyUwfDSDmp03Ed_-alztrvhOACLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-09-21%2B10_54_44%2BPM.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's probably fine.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anyway, inevitably, there was a huge revolt. And predictably
it cleaved the kingdom in two roughly along religious lines. Led by the King of
Antioch, the faction included the big dogs of Scotland, Poland, Bavaria and
Italy, with England not rebelling but sending me a mere pittance of troops.
Anatolia and Greece also stayed loyal, something I’m eternally grateful for.
Amalrich called in his allies in France and Mesopotamia and despite a number of
reverses (mostly due to me forgetting about isolated armies and leaving them to
be trounced by much larger forces) we managed to prevail, sieging down Krakow,
Antioch and Barcelona.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
This means my jail is now full of rebel monarchs, and I will
have to decide what to do with them. I am definitely going to revoke a title or
two from Enudaig, probably Andalusia and Mauretania if I can, and give it to a
family member. Four kingdoms is too much for one person, even if young Iestan
is a good Muslim. Then it will be into the oubliette for Enudaig for the rest
of his short life. I’m also going to revoke Italy and give it to a family
member. Possibly someone of the Gausian dynasty that I’m married into, because
they have a historic claim to it from the days that Italy and Africa were one
country. Maybe I’ll just land some sons to stave off decadence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
The next stage is a holy war to take Damascus from the
French Revolt. The Emperor was mighty peeved to be pulled into my wars so he
broke off the alliance. That means I only have a non-aggression pact to break,
which isn’t too much of a problem. Here’s a question, though – will my
Christian subjects send levies to fight in a war to take Christian lands away
from Christian rulers? Only one way to find out.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I also have another adventurer due in a year or so I’ll wipe
the floor with him, take his gold and banish him. I’m not Greek anymore so all
my torturey options are out, also I can’t spare the piety.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I’ve seen a lot of hate online for the new Monks and Mystics
secret cult mechanics. I’m going to voice an incredibly unpopular opinion here:
I actually quite like them. I’m not playing with the Monks and Mystics DLC
itself yet, but the update to the base game adds an incredible new dimension,
provided you like to play the game the way I do. One of the things I find
fascinating about CK2 is the way you can essentially end up playing against
yourself. A classic example from my game would be Amalrich II “The Cruel”
murdering Mordeleg of England. This turned out to be completely not in Amalrich
III’s interest, since he was a strong Muslim vassal and the guy who replaced
him is a Catholic and a pain in my behind. CK2 has always been about defining
your own aims, and secret cults sort of force choices upon you that you didn’t know
you wanted to take. Reforming Rome sounded like a good idea, but becoming
Caliph of a Muslim Byzantine Empire – something I had never even considered – is in this case only possible because of the influence of secret cults. To me the sudden
conversion of the Emperor at a crucial time just adds more depth to the story.
It prevents it from getting boring as well. I’ve never played a Muslim before,
never dealt with their succession system, never had multiple wives or decadence
etc. It’s really been quite an enjoyable late game twist.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
EDIT: OK, so we’re clearly going to have to forget about
holy warring the revolting Franks for now. I played through it last night but
had to savescum because it just wasn’t working. There aren’t enough revolting
provinces in the east, so in order to increase war score I have to actually go
to France and fight, with both the French crown and rebel armies hostile to me.
To top it off, I have an adventurer threat imminent, and this guy has 30K
troops. That’s not something I can defeat with my retinues and demesne troops
alone. At the same time, I have ANOTHER independence revolt (uuughhh) which is
England, Wales and part of Africa. I honestly cannot be bothered fighting
another revolt army. It is becoming most tedious. At this rate I’ll have no vassals
left out of prison. I know this wouldn’t have been a problem if I’d understood
the importance of changing laws to limit council power at the beginning of the
game. I’m going to level with you. I’m going to keep cheating in order to
actually keep the game interesting. It’s 1368 and I still have 85 years left.
All I want to do is convert the Empire to Islam and become Caliph. Maybe take a
couple of duchies and Jerusalem from the Franks. That’s it. I’m not asking
much. Just that those rabbling bastards stop rabbling and let me get on with
things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-21395129277010351462017-09-15T21:35:00.001-04:002017-09-15T21:37:46.344-04:00The ByzanPict Empire Part 5: Amalrich III, the Kharijite Emperor<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b-YJggKgrlA/WbXSn2boFsI/AAAAAAAAAf8/d2SVPJ4KdcAYwrYYk1daJtAoEofpju4QwCLcBGAs/s1600/Amalrich%2BIII.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="446" data-original-width="537" height="331" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b-YJggKgrlA/WbXSn2boFsI/AAAAAAAAAf8/d2SVPJ4KdcAYwrYYk1daJtAoEofpju4QwCLcBGAs/s400/Amalrich%2BIII.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amalrich III is the first character I’ve played to be born
in the purple. With Amalrich I “The Just” already being old when he inherited,
Amalrich II “The Cruel” was born in some ghastly hovel in Hamburg rather than
the Imperial Palace in Constantinople.</div>
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I hope that this status as an heir born to a sitting Emperor
gives Amalrich III some of the legitimacy that his father and grandfather
lacked, because dear god he is not doing anything to help himself right now.
It’s bad enough he’s a German emperor of a primarily Greek and Pictish empire.
Now he has to go and convert to Islam as well? And not even to a sensible form
of Islam like Sunni or even Shia. But Kharijitism? So he’s both a Muslim AND a
heretic. Great!</div>
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<br /></div>
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There is an upside to this potentially troubling succession,
though. Amalrich is without a doubt the most competent ruler stats-wise I’ve
had in a long time, even going back to before the union of the empires in 1317
(Yes, that’s what I’m calling it). He’s got reasonable learning and diplomacy,
tolerable intrigue and although his martial is a bit naff he’s got an
incredible 22 stewardship. This means I should be making money and hopefully
fixing up the administrative mess that the Empire has become.</div>
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<br /></div>
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There’s another upside here, because even though Amalrich is
a Muslim heretic, my Catholic vassals STILL like him better than they did his
dad. I put a lot of points into tolerance during this game, having only a -13
modifier for ‘infidel’ is manageable. In fact, a lot of the negative opinion I
have has to do with how much people hated Amalrich “The Cruel”. He didn’t
really do that much bad stuff did he? *consults list of murders, mutilations,
usurpations* Oh, all right then. He was a dick. It just means I’ll have to work
a bit harder to make them all like me. Currently I have quite a lot of
Kharijite vassals, but most of them are pretty cool with me, except the Dux of
Venice who seems intent on pissing me off.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The big threat, of course, was Werner, Amalrich’s brother
who pappy was never able to bundle off to a monastery and couldn’t bring
himself to kill. Werner inherited virtually all of his father’s sweet demesne
in Mesopotamia and Sicily, and – crucially – is a Christian. As such, he hated
his brother Amalrich and it would only be a matter of time until the Catholics
rallied around him. In the face of this inevitability, Amalrich had him
pre-emptively poisoned, although his involvement was discovered. I don’t
remember the last time I played a character without the ‘Known Murderer’
opinion modifier. Anyway, that means I’ve got the demesne back for now,
although Amalrich has three sons so getting back on the next succession will be
an even bigger problem. There is one other claimant, who will need to be dealt
with before long.</div>
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So who can guess the downside to being a Muslim? That’s
right – Muslim rulers can’t form the Roman Empire. Even though the Ottomans
considered themselves the continuation of the ERE, apparently you can’t do it
in CK2. That means no Imperial Reconquest CBs and no sexy red colour change. My
attempts to form the Roman Empire so far have been frustrated by factional
discord and the fact the Franks are sitting pretty in the Holy Land.</div>
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So what’s a radical Muslim emperor to do? Well, I suppose I
can always become Caliph. You see, being a heresy, there’s no Kharijite
religious head like with Sunni and Shia Islam. So that means if I get 100 piety
and take a couple of holy sites, then I can declare myself Caliph. Freaking
God-Emperor. I like the sound of that. The holy sites I need are either Mecca
and Medina (right out, they’re too far away from me) or Baghdad, Damascus and
YOU GUESSED IT Jerusalem. I already hold Baghdad, but Damascus and Jerusalem
put me in the same position I was before, though – having to war with the
Franks. So I guess as soon as my faction problems are solved I might need to
break my pact with Francia and attack Damascus then Jerusalem in a holy war. If
I can form the Caliphate, then I will have the Great Holy War CB at my disposal
and as religious head I’ll be able to call them on whoever I want. Like, for
instance, Francia. Or Egypt. Or India. Whoever I want.<br />
<br />
Once I’ve done that, I suppose I always have the option of
turning back to Catholicism and reforming the Roman Empire. But I’m not sure. An
Eastern Roman Caliphate is a pretty interesting scenario. We’ll have to see.
Running low on time though.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wpL1iD3vwDE/WbXS6JXU7zI/AAAAAAAAAgA/IhbiBomog8gglk4FqrYj18JR5KRkzxiUwCLcBGAs/s1600/glitterhoof%2Bgoes%2Brogue.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="302" data-original-width="536" height="360" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wpL1iD3vwDE/WbXS6JXU7zI/AAAAAAAAAgA/IhbiBomog8gglk4FqrYj18JR5KRkzxiUwCLcBGAs/s640/glitterhoof%2Bgoes%2Brogue.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Also, this happened.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br /></div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-77220791547187547312017-09-10T19:59:00.001-04:002017-09-10T19:59:56.642-04:00The ByzanPict Empire Part 4: The Price of Rebellion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GCg53o8eaIU/WbXRjUP7exI/AAAAAAAAAf0/WbiALrSGCQE19Ia3adWoQgBNSI3WJqJGACLcBGAs/s1600/Amalrich%2BII%2B%25282%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="449" data-original-width="542" height="331" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GCg53o8eaIU/WbXRjUP7exI/AAAAAAAAAf0/WbiALrSGCQE19Ia3adWoQgBNSI3WJqJGACLcBGAs/s400/Amalrich%2BII%2B%25282%2529.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="envelope return"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The frankly broken secret societies mechanic in Monks &
Mystics has claimed more victims. I have now had two of my kings (Kings of
England and Croatia) convert to Kharijite Islam. I’m almost 100% sure that my
highly suspicious Islam-sympathetic son is also a secret worshipper. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This raises some interesting questions. I wonder if I were,
in fact a Muslim, I would be able to call a Jihad on Christian-held territory?
FOR INSTANCE: The Duchy of Jerusalem. If I could pull that off… Muslim Roman
Empire? I’m almost 100% sure that this is too crazy to try. We’ll see though.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I decided to celebrate my factions getting down to 70% or so
for the first time in years by declaring war on Georgia on behalf of a
claimant. I’m not very keen on defensive pacts at this stage of the game,
because for some reason now I start every war with -30 war score despite the
fact I’m the biggest Christian empire in the game by a long shot and I have a
non-aggression pact with the second biggest. So a coalition in which the
biggest member is only bringing 15K troops to the table shouldn’t automatically
give me that kind of disadvantage. Honestly, there’s nothing more galling than
initiating a simultaneous blitzkrieg of your enemy’s four core provinces only
to find you’re losing warscore because the AI is sieging tribal holdings with a
1k army somewhere in Scandinavia, half the map away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Georgia, strategically speaking, doesn’t offer me much. But
it used to be part of the Byzantine Empire and I consider that reason enough to
retake it. In terms of usefulness, it does own Cyprus and Crete, and at some
point I might be able to usurp those and use them as forward bases for my
advances into the Holy Land. I expect it will not make a huge amount of
difference though since my demesne includes much of the De Jure territory of
Mesopotamia. <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-itJnbHZJqh8/WbXRe2ocxWI/AAAAAAAAAfw/DSaNSr0fvP4ozlDbVfSPxpImOCM147BIwCLcBGAs/s1600/georgia%2Bwar.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="749" data-original-width="984" height="303" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-itJnbHZJqh8/WbXRe2ocxWI/AAAAAAAAAfw/DSaNSr0fvP4ozlDbVfSPxpImOCM147BIwCLcBGAs/s400/georgia%2Bwar.png" width="400" /></a></div>
</div>
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<br />
At this point I had to withdraw some of my troops to
Hispania to deal with Innekentios, a claimant to the Byzantine throne. I
believe he is the son of the child Uirup “The Holy” originally usurped to win
the Empire back in 1317. Luckily I was able to field 25K men in that region to
his 15K, and after couple of battles I captured the claimant. Ordinarily, I
would just take his gold and banish him, but frankly at this point I just want
his line to end so I don’t have to deal with claimants in future. To that end,
Amalrich “The Cruel” lived up to his name and had poor Innekentios castrated.
No hard feelings, Innekentios. Get it? No hard feelings?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
With the adventurer threat dealt with, I was able to ship my
forces back to the Black Sea coast just in time to reinforce the army there.
The first wave of defence had been strong due to all the allied armies, but
once those were beaten off the Georgians were left on their own and went down
fairly quickly. Cyprus and Crete actually turned out to be sort of liabilities
because it’s easy to land an army there and just siege without the AI launching
its own seaborne reinvasion. Thus Georgia rejoins the Empire.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Amalrich then endeavoured to avoid war for a time, at least
until the unrest from having levies raised for so long wore off. The factions
were still sitting just on the cusp of being an issue, with Venice (now Muslim)
being the prime mover of a faction that included the Kings of England, Sweden
and Poland. To defend against future revolts, Amalrich married his daughter
Klara to the Emperor of Francia and formed an alliance. Despite the fact this
means I can’t attack Jerusalem, I think keeping the realm safe might be a
bigger priority right now. Amalrich celebrated this diplomatic coup by blinding
and chopping off the hands of a few prisoners, as is his wont, the complete
bastard.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />Plot twist time:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Amalrich II “The Cruel” Uerterio dies of ill health and is
succeeded by his son Amalrich III, who immediately announced he’s converted to
Islam. Surely this can’t be good.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-10492069584107162432017-08-29T15:52:00.002-04:002017-09-10T19:49:17.900-04:00The ByzanPict Empire Part 3: Holy War for fun & Profit<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ibw0y9LSmgg/WaYCRvG2veI/AAAAAAAAAfc/rF9atYnmRNsNS1AXjOXtNJOQ5vDT3njLQCLcBGAs/s1600/Jains.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="743" data-original-width="1091" height="271" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ibw0y9LSmgg/WaYCRvG2veI/AAAAAAAAAfc/rF9atYnmRNsNS1AXjOXtNJOQ5vDT3njLQCLcBGAs/s400/Jains.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A tiny island of doomed Jains in a sea of Catholics</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It’s 1355. Kaiser Amalrich II “the Cruel” of House Uerturio
is continuing his quest to reform the Roman Empire</div>
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Things haven’t been going too badly. I still haven’t solved
the succession situation, since I can’t get primogeniture because I don’t have
late feudal administration. I feel like this is ridiculous since I’m pretty
sure primogeniture was the standard form of succession for most of the middle
ages in Europe. I can’t get the council to OK the law changes required because
as I mentioned in my last post they all hate me. Probably because I’m a
homosexual cannibal with only 2 diplomacy points.</div>
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So for the moment I’m stuck on gavelkind. I did not think
this would be a problem for Amalrich and his lesbian wife Agatha since they
would be lucky to produce any offspring at all. I selected family focus to
ensure an heir, and was pleased when the couple did their duty and produced a
third Amalrich. Now I figured that would be the end of it, but I was surprised
when they then produced a daughter. And another. And another son. And another
daughter. And she’s pregnant again. Despite both Amalrich and Agatha being gay,
they are cranking out the kiddies at a fantastic rate. So I guess they’re
actually bisexual? Or really super diligent about filling my court with
mediocre German princelings. So at the moment the title of Kaiser will go to
Amalrich, while everything else goes to Werner, the younger son. Not if I can
help it. That kid is going to the church ASAP. Maybe I can raise him as an
antipope at some point.</div>
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Now, I have managed to build up a tidy little demesne in the
last while. As I said last time, the first priority was to build a private
power base somewhere in the east so as to ensure I have the money and men to
fight the inevitable rebellions. I did this by declaring a holy war to take
Baghdad and the surrounding territories. The fact it is on the Silk Road means
I’m getting an astounding bonus to income, and the levies aren’t too shabby
either. I immediately set my chaplain to converting the populace to
Christianity. During the war, Amalrich’s younger brother Mathias snuffed it
from natural causes, leaving him the county of Messina in Sicily and Hamburg,
as well as a couple of baronies. The war was quickly resolved, despite Egypt
providing support to Baghdad. This left me almost up to my demesne limit.</div>
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As I mentioned, I only need the Duchies of Jerusalem,
Antioch and one more county in Egypt to form the Roman Empire. My vassal the
King of Antioch (who does not live in Antioch) was fighting for one of those
counties and I helped him out. Shortly after he went for the second county,
leaving the independent Duke of Antioch with one county. I expect he will usurp
the duchy and take the last county shortly. If he doesn’t I’ll get my
chancellor to work on him and vassalise him peacefully. Or just crush him. Whatever.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gizeh in the Duchy of Alexandria was trickier. I’d actually
nabbed 3 out of the 4 counties in that duchy during a revolt previously, so it
was the last county I needed in Egypt. Egypt is quite strong in this game so I
waited until there was another revolt and declared war. I had to win a couple
of big battles and occupy much of the Nile Delta before I won this one county.
But that only leaves the duchy of Jerusalem. More on that later.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My next priority was to deal with Enudaig and Cenræd.
Unfortunately, this is easier said than done. Nobody seems to want to help to
kill them, and they aren’t rebelling, yet. Spying on them yielded no results
either. Enudaig was distracted, however, by a futile claim war on Francia. I
think he expected me to… I don’t know, help him or something? Not a chance. Cenræd
has a claim on the Empire, so he’s started a faction to install himself on the
throne. It’s not that big, yet. A more pressing issue is the independence
faction that includes the monarchs of Poland, England, Sweden and Mesopotamia.
If that one fires, I’m absolutely ruined.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Luckily, fortune smiled upon me. Remember a while back I
mentioned casually that a Jain secret society had infiltrated Western Europe
and the Khans of Avaria were adherents of it? Well, it looks like the society
finally managed to take over Avaria. Great job, Jainism! Enjoy getting holy
warred back to the subcontinent! The King of Poland immediately declared war
for the Avarian lands to the north of the Carpathians, while Amalrich moved to
annex all Avarian land south of the Danube. Now I have four counties, a
buttload of cities and bishoprics to buy off all of those angry vassals. *slow
clap for the Khan of Avaria* I hope it was worth it, buddy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As an aside, I’ve been very interested in how the new Monks
& Mystics content has worked in this game. A quick glance at India reveals
that Buddhism is long since eliminated and Hinduism is hanging on by a thread.
The Jains are dominant in India, and their reach stretches as far as Persia.
The other religion which has become quite OP is Kharijite Islam. Although it
hasn’t taken over any countries yet, I know there is an extensive secret Kharijite
society. This is the sect of Islam that Ganant and Butayna’s kids converted to
back in the day… IT’S ALL CONNECTED.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So a big problem is going to be Jerusalem. The Emperor of
the Franks very unkindly destroyed the Kingdom title at some point, so there’ll
be no easy claimant installing. I’ll have to either forge a claim or try and
inherit the whole Empire. Either way it’s going to be incredibly difficult.
Especially since I forgot about this and married Amalrich’s daughter Klara to a
French prince to get a non-aggression pact when I was worried about fighting
multiple wars at once. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For Amalrich III, the firstborn son, I’ve got a slightly
better match. He is marrying an African princess who (with a little bit of
pruning of the family tree) could inherit the Kingdom. I’m going to wait and
see who else is around before I pledge the others to anyone else.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I’m working out what to do about Jerusalem, I have a
couple of options. More holy warring – into Azerbaijan or deeper into Persia,
or take on the Egyptians again and take Damietta or Cairo. I think I’ll avoid
the Egyptians for now, at least until my realm is a bit more stable. The other
option, however, is to invite a claimant to the Georgian throne to court and
bring them back under the Empire’s bootheel *ahem* protection. Then in 10
years’ time I’ll see if there’s any more Avaria left to conquer. At this point
I think buying vassal loyalty with land might work out a better deal than
bringing another kingdom into the mix.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll take a minute now to talk about Amalrich’s personal
development. He’s turned into a bad dude. He was never really nice, but since
he was cooped up in the Imperial Palace while camp fever ravaged the land he’s
been a real horror. He ended up eating his sister, his court physician and also
a random lowborn courtier. This earned him the nickname Amalrich “the Cruel”.
As a result, I’m just role playing him now as the biggest bastard possible,
even converting to Greek culture just to allow him to blind and castrate people
who piss me off. He’s really not a nice guy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I need to fix the Jerusalem problem, stat.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-66536353820772587432017-08-11T14:22:00.000-04:002017-08-14T21:35:34.367-04:00More tales of the ByzanPict Empire – Saved by surprise gavelkind!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z8a3ANj0pZg/WZJPeW2avQI/AAAAAAAAAfE/q6Amemw0wXshmrdoQN0xt2Yx4Al-aHVmQCLcBGAs/s1600/Amalrich%2BII%2B%25282%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="454" data-original-width="808" height="356" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-z8a3ANj0pZg/WZJPeW2avQI/AAAAAAAAAfE/q6Amemw0wXshmrdoQN0xt2Yx4Al-aHVmQCLcBGAs/s640/Amalrich%2BII%2B%25282%2529.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
OK, so it looks like I might have saved the empire after
all, but in doing so I made a couple of sacrifices and created a couple of
other problems I’m going to have to deal with further down the line.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I finished trouncing the Serbia/Croatia revolt and
revoking those two titles while beating down the Avarian duke and his claimant
to a white peace. I also dealt with an annoying adventurer, but since banishing
him and confiscating his 500 gold (along with a 350 gold loan from Jewish
merchants and a couple of ransoms) is all that is keeping me solvent right now.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That done, I was able to deal with the succession issue.
Domelch, despite waiting patiently in the wings for all of Uirup’s long reign,
was going to be very disappointed. I switched my primary title to the Byzantine
Empire and destroyed the Empire of Pictland title, effectively merging the two
empires into one giant, purple blob, all of which would go to Amalrich “the
Just” of Hamburg. I admit that was a hard call to make. I’ve placed a lot of
care into maintaining the Pictish identity of my empire, even foregoing turning
Scottish and getting decent retinues. And now after scuffling to turn parts of
Italy and North Africa from purple to blue now I’ve turned them purple again.
It kind of hurts to look upon it. I have to keep reminding myself that my
Empire has not been defeated, merely morphed into something else.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wLdbzqU2sHo/WZJPkC62orI/AAAAAAAAAfM/ruWQfO7Kj9Uos1K5ePfWfMTSZwWu3Ov8QCLcBGAs/s1600/ck2%2B2017-08-11%2B11_00_29%2BPM%2B%25282%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="457" data-original-width="813" height="223" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wLdbzqU2sHo/WZJPkC62orI/AAAAAAAAAfM/ruWQfO7Kj9Uos1K5ePfWfMTSZwWu3Ov8QCLcBGAs/s400/ck2%2B2017-08-11%2B11_00_29%2BPM%2B%25282%2529.png" width="400" /></a>Domelch then died of an infected wound, meaning that this
action could actually have turned out to be pointless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Uirup “The Holy” finally died, aged 78 years old, having
been, on the face of it one of the most successful rulers I’ve ever had. But I
will admit I was not sad to see the back of the incompetent A-hole. A man
literally nobody liked, he still managed to join the two largest empires in the
world. However, he couldn’t resist one last fuck up on the way out the door. In
destroying the Empire of Pictland, he ensured both empires would go to one man.
Unfortunately, that man was a German. Germans can’t use Tanistry succession
because they’re not from the right culture group. That means that the Empire
has gone back to default succession settings. And that means…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gavelkind.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
FUCKING GAVELKIND.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2Rst0khe8h4/WZJPgh-VRiI/AAAAAAAAAfI/BJBfVogp9E0yTAGbHIP0THjREWTNRn_eACLcBGAs/s1600/Enudaig%2B%25282%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="448" data-original-width="796" height="225" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-2Rst0khe8h4/WZJPgh-VRiI/AAAAAAAAAfI/BJBfVogp9E0yTAGbHIP0THjREWTNRn_eACLcBGAs/s400/Enudaig%2B%25282%2529.png" width="400" /></a>Before I realised what was happening, I had lost everything.
Uirup’s death caused all of my kingdoms split between his sons, creating the
two single most powerful vassals I have ever had, whilst simultaneously
reducing my demesne to one single county (Constantinople, but still). The
stress of dealing with all this while secretly practicing Islam killed poor
Amalrich immediately, the Empire and Constantinople passing to his son, Kaiser
Amalrich II, the third ruler in under five years. So, to more clearly explain
what is happening, I lost a number of the titles that were on tanistry due to
elections, and the ones that defaulted to gavelkind were split among my heirs
in a grotesque clusterfuck that left me virtually landless.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite this, I’m down to a more manageable five vassals
over my limit, I’m back up to 63 gold a month coming in, and my troop levies
are finally getting back to normal, currently sitting at around 60,000 men. So…
the empire is stable now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is NOT stable, is Amalrich II’s position at the top of
it. And oh my god, you thought Uirup was an incompetent. This guy is… not good.
No stats above five. Total schlub. On top of that, he’s gay, and so’s his wife,
so getting an heir is going to be a problem. For now, his vassals seem to like
him and there is minimal plotting against him, even with the council not over
their new-monarch jitters. Cenræd “The Son of Satan”, Uirup’s Anglo-Saxon child
by the disfigured Duchess, now reigns as King of Sicily, Wallachia, Croatia and
Serbia, while his genius half-brother Enudaig reins as King of Scotland (*sob* he
changed it to Scotland), Mauretania, Andalusia, and Ireland. I also have four
king titles, but each is only titular i.e. has no actual lands attached to it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So, aims going forward:</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Neutralise Cenræd and Enudaig</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Enlarge demesne</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Conquer remaining provinces needed to create
Roman Empire</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Change succession to anything except gavelkind</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The first one should be tricky. How to do this? Assassins
are out of the question due to Amalrich’s lamentable intrigue stats, so I
suppose I shall have to trick one of them into rebelling and use the other’s
forces to crush them. Then I revoke their titles, take their armies and use
them to wipe the floor with the other one. I may concentrate my efforts of
Enudaig, since he is the more pertinent threat than his rather dull-minded
brother. Sadly, Enudaig had a claim on Francia I was going to use, dating from
when he was back-up heir to Domelch but I think giving him MORE power would be
a very poor idea at this point.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Point two: I am inundated with options in this regard due to
my new position in East giving me a wad of holy war options. I think my first
move will be to grab Baghdad and its surrounding counties from the Sheikdom
that owns it. If I get there quickly with a lot of men I should be able to get
them without any bother. The other option is to take Famagusta on Cyprus from
the Georgian Revolt. Other possible easy targets include Antioch, which is an
independent duchy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Which leads us on to point three: I need Antioch, Jerusalem
and one more county in Italy to reform the Roman Empire. Antioch won’t be a
problem, and neither will the county in Italy (probably a vassal will take care
of that before long). Jerusalem, on the other hand, belongs to France, and I
would like to avoid fighting them if at all possible. Spoiler alert: It won’t
be. Eventually I’m going to have to fight them, probably a few times to get
Jerusalem away from them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And on the succession issue: I can’t use tanistry anymore
since I’m no longer in the Celtic culture group, so I’m going to switch to
primo as soon as Amalrich’s ruled for 10 years.That means I'm stuck as a German for now. Going to try and get a Pict to educate my heirs.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All right. Let’s try this out. Death to Enudaig and Cenræd!
SPQR!</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-41935753613029315572017-07-29T20:40:00.000-04:002017-08-01T14:00:22.342-04:00The Zenith of the Pictish Empire - More Crusade Kings 2 stories<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iNBxWCAdoaI/WXvZf5j_KOI/AAAAAAAAAeM/UODpDQuOKeoxUEUB8WQHQ5oU39Aa5RV_QCLcBGAs/s1600/Byzantine%2BEmpire%2Bwithout%2Brevolt.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iNBxWCAdoaI/WXvZf5j_KOI/AAAAAAAAAeM/UODpDQuOKeoxUEUB8WQHQ5oU39Aa5RV_QCLcBGAs/s640/Byzantine%2BEmpire%2Bwithout%2Brevolt.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
I have broken Crusader Kings 2. I have actually destroyed my
game. It’s fucked.</div>
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As the Emperor of a sprawling, pan-European Pictish
hegemony, I’ve finally reached the tipping point. You know how when people show
you maps of the Roman Empire, it’s almost always during the reign of Emperor
Trajan, when the empire was at its greatest extent? Well, I’ve reached that point
now, and I’m having a hard time admitting to myself that I may have reached the
pinnacle of my achievement, and the only thing I have to look forward to a slow
descent into chaos, civil war and fiscal oblivion. Even though I’m only in the
1320s and have around 100 years of game-time left, I have to admit I’m a little
reluctant to switch on for my nightly 30-min gaming session, because it pains
me too much to see the great realm I’ve built over the better part of 7 months
fall apart. YES I KNOW I SAID IN MY EARLIER POST I’D BEEN PLAYING FOR ‘A COUPLE
OF MONTHS’ BUT WHAT I REALLY MEANT WAS MORE THAN HALF A YEAR. SUE ME.</div>
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*sigh* How did I get into this situation?</div>
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House Uerterio start out in 769 as the puny earls of Fortriu
in the Highlands of Scotland. I picked Fortriu because I wanted to play as the
descendants of Bridei of Fortriu, the Pictish king who humbled the
Northumbrians at the battle of Dun Nechtain in 685. My early aims were as
follows:</div>
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<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Usurp the Kingdom of Pictland</div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2)<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Form culturally Pictish Empire of Brittania</div>
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As we will see I was successful in step 1, but the Saxon
kingdoms in the south proved a harder nut to crack. I would have them
eventually, but by that time my holdings were too diverse to make something
like de-Saxonifying England make much sense.</div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g72PTYzE9LE/WXvZj75G1QI/AAAAAAAAAeU/SaGVasKGRv08OJerme0G8L_mBv7sxAV1QCLcBGAs/s1600/Crusader%2BKings%2BII%2B2017-01-11%2B9_04_02%2BPM%2B%25282%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="675" data-original-width="946" height="228" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g72PTYzE9LE/WXvZj75G1QI/AAAAAAAAAeU/SaGVasKGRv08OJerme0G8L_mBv7sxAV1QCLcBGAs/s320/Crusader%2BKings%2BII%2B2017-01-11%2B9_04_02%2BPM%2B%25282%2529.png" width="320" /></a>This was my first time playing as a vassal, and also my
first time playing as a tribal vassal, so I was really not doing very well at
all. I wasn’t really aware of the raiding mechanic so I was completely unable
to accrue wealth for those early stages of the game. I conquered Ce (Aberdeenshire
I guess?) but lost it to Gavelkind succession and then engaged in a horrific
feud with my Doric cousins over the next few years. This culminated with the
sack of Ueris (Forres) by the Chief of Ce, my sneaky harelipped cousin Rubert
(who I’d actually tried to have installed as king by faction many years before,
the ungrateful turd). During this sack Rubert captured my son and two of my
daughters and forced one of them into concubinage which is basically the most
harrowing thing that has ever happened to my family in the game. I was
eventually able to ransom one son and a daughter back, but he kept my youngest
daughter for decades. Naturally, I dedicated the next few years to getting back
at him. Eventually, I bribed one of his bishops to put poison in his drink and
he died like the Ramsay Bolton-esque dog he was. However, by that time my
daughter had been away so long that much to my sadness, she actually preferred
to stay in Ce. I believe she eventually married a courtier. I hope in the end she
found some happiness. But this being Crusader Kings 2, I doubt it.</div>
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It was about this time that one of the more unusual
characters in this playthrough emerged, and I’m still a little disappointed my attempt
to name him my tanist (heir with Tanistry, kind of like elective succession but
kept within the same family) and play him failed. Listen, if ye will, to the
tale of Castantin the Conqueror. The early 9<sup>th</sup> Century saw Pictland
hit by numerous Viking raids, and on one of these raids, Ueris was once again
burned to the ground and prisoners were taken. Among them was a cousin of my
character, Castantin, who was just a boy at the time. I spent ages saving up
for a ransom, but by the time I had enough to pay for the child’s return, the
damage was done. Castantin was now a Norse pagan, and embraced everything that
went with it. I shrugged and put him out of my mind, and went on to expand my
demesne by conquering Tyrconnell. I was pretty smug until I saw what Castantin
had been doing while I was fighting the Irish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Castantin had taken over Northumbria! And a great swath of land in
central Ireland. And to top it off, he appeared to have been vassalised by the
King of Bavaria? I like to think he offered his services to the King in
exchange for land in the newly conquered territory and had gathered a party of
his old Danish buddies to go and make their fortunes. And now he was the most
powerful Duke in the British Isles, with six of the best counties including Dublin
and York. What a guy. The upshot of this is that I never really got the chance
to fight the Saxons after all, because by the time I had to fight border
skirmishes to the south, all the Saxons were dead at the hands of Castantin’s
Vikings and their Bavarian allies.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Eventually I gave up the tribal life, since it was doing
nothing for me, and embraced feudalism. Shortly after, my spymaster (who had
been blinded after being caught spying on Byzantine tech, in the first of a
long line of indications the Byzantines are bad news) found out my liege was
plotting to revoke my title, so I had him offed and then forced myself into the
position of Duke in the power vacuum. Then it was mere moments before I was
able to push another faction on the king, who ceded power to me to avoid civil
war. So it came to pass that Caruorst Uerterio became the first Uerterio king
of Pictland, and ushered the country out of its dark phase of barbarism and
civil war. In doing so, I eliminated the last few embers of the emerging “Scottish”
culture. Good pikemen or not, I was never going to relinquish my Pictish
heritage, never!</div>
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Caruorst earned well his title of “The Great”. Possessed of
martial skill, charm and a fine ginger beard, he quickly subjugated the warring
counts of Ireland, and created a second kingdom. But he was not done yet.
Taking up the Pope’s call to crusade in Iberia, Caruorst launched an attack on
Galicia and quickly beat back the unprepared Moorish forces. So now I had three
kingdoms. Caruorst may have been a fine warrior but he was something of a
disaster in all other facets of life. His cousin and close friend Gigurum was
his tanist, but he managed to sour that relationship by sleeping with and
impregnating his wife. I felt bad for Gigurum, since this was his third wife
and every one of them had cheated on him at least once. To make matters worse,
Gigurum was Caruorst’s spymaster, so began constantly trying to kill him. Luckily,
Caruorst perished in a battle against the Bavarians before the situation could
truly come to a head.</div>
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Gigurum was kind of an underrated king. Despite his
unpopularity with his vassals he continued mopping up the remaining Irish
counties as well as some of the Bavarian lands in Northumbria. Then he
triumphed in the crusade for Andalusia, bringing his number of kingdoms to
four. The next few monarchs spent their time consolidating these gains,
snapping up as much Muslim land in Spain as possible at the same time as
picking up counties in Wales, eventually forming another Kingdom there.</div>
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His heir, Aniel “the Rash” (named for a bastard of the
dynasty who proved one of the most unshakable generals during the crusade)
proclaimed an empire and continued the partition of Spain. He made it his
life’s work to conquer Bohemia, his mother’s country, and planned this while
making gains in Mauretania. Aniel eventually launched an attack on Bohemia and
was able to take it, but in doing so sowed the seeds of the empire’s later
disintegration. With his vassals supporting another candidate for tanist other
than his selected heir, Ganant, he destroyed the Kingdom title, giving himself
a whole bunch of duke and earl level vassals he could never transfer away… more
on that fateful decision later. Aniel also helped his nephew the King of
Lombardy conquer Africa, although he would eventually lose it in a rebellion.
Aniel also finally conquered the Greeks of England and the Bavarians of
Northumbria to hold the entirety of the British Isles. Given that I already had
an empire title, I decided not to claim the title of Emperor of Brittannia,
because I know how difficult it is to maintain two empire titles on any kind of
elective succession. After an unprecedented number of years on the throne, Aniel died
of old age. An impetuous and ambitious leader, he truly earned his nickname.<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NRlJ-o1TtFc/WX0qQpfHpQI/AAAAAAAAAe0/2mFDNy4V0zE-WiFroW2yJYsBhwVR3Gb0QCLcBGAs/s1600/Aniel%2BDead.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="225" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-NRlJ-o1TtFc/WX0qQpfHpQI/AAAAAAAAAe0/2mFDNy4V0zE-WiFroW2yJYsBhwVR3Gb0QCLcBGAs/s400/Aniel%2BDead.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Emperor Ganant married Butayna, the Queen of Africa, and
decided to put an end to the constant African/Lombard rivalry. At some point I
must have obtained Africa as a vassal kingdom but I still don’t remember how.
Anyway, Ganant and Butayna launched an attack on Lombardy and took it in a
pretty intense battle. With Butayna “the Great” now Queen of Africa and, hell
let’s just call it Italy, she and Ganant went about solidifying their power
over the Mediterranean basin. An opportunity to steal territory from the Franks
occurred, when the Emperor of Francia idiotically created the Empire of
Hispania. Of course, unable to secure the succession of his heir to both
empires, Hispania broke away from Francia, taking with it much of its territory
in Castille and Aragon as well as some duchies in France itself. Because (I
think) the Empire of Hispania was in the de jure territory of the Empire of
Pictland, and also because of the hilariously mingled family trees of medieval
rulers, the heir to the Empire of Hispania was… some old guy. BUT, his heir was
Ganant. Naturally, assassins were summoned. Unfortunately the old guy went into
hiding, and he and Ganant had a furious race not to be the first to die so that
Hispania would be absorbed into the empire (Ganant was getting on in years at
this point). Then lo and behold, the old guy died! Ganant, clearly not learning
from Aniel’s mistakes, immediately destroyed the Empire title and gave himself
a whole bunch more vassals he could never transfer.</div>
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Then the Black Death rolled in! Mostly nobody in the realm
cared at first because they were too busy dealing with the scandal of Ganant
and Butayna’s son and daughter converting to Kharijite Islam. But eventually,
yeah it turned out to be kind of a big deal. Queue a couple of years of hiding
in the castle while the peasants perish and bodies piled up in the streets. The
people went a little bit crazy, and were looking for someone to blame. Ganant
suggested it was probably witchcraft, and inadvertently started a Satanic
panic. Wild-eyed courtiers started bringing him suspected witches (probably
just D&D loving teenagers) who I duly imprisoned. They started calling for
them to be burned at the stake, but by this point Ganant figured it had gone on
for too long. He released the accused witches and told everyone just to chill
the hell out with their witchcraft shit. The courtiers relented, but this was
far from over. Ganant returned to his chambers on night to find Butayna “the
Great”, Empress of Pictland, Queen of Africa and Italy, murdered at the hands
of the same zealots he had himself stirred up. Thus he earned his nickname:
Ganant “The Careless”. Ganant lived for a few more years, but he was never the
same again. He died a broken man, never forgiving himself for his mistakes.</div>
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Along the way somebody conquered Poland. I don’t remember
who. Also Sweden. All I remember about this one was that a dwarf named Borkvard
was involved somehow.</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r1fLGAIdDTk/WXvZg_S51wI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/B29e0-yRnywemfY1j_kqfJsMMX5HN3D2QCLcBGAs/s1600/Bosun%2Bthe%2BEvil.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="451" data-original-width="546" height="264" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-r1fLGAIdDTk/WXvZg_S51wI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/B29e0-yRnywemfY1j_kqfJsMMX5HN3D2QCLcBGAs/s320/Bosun%2Bthe%2BEvil.png" width="320" /></a>The next Emperor of note was Uuen “the Black”. A cynical and
bitter man, Uuen had spent his early life focused on learning, given that his
club foot precluded a traditional knightly education. On becoming emperor he
moved quickly to consolidate power, assassinating a number of rivals,
apparently unconcerned with whether or not they were members of his own family.
He was definitely not the first Uerturio to be a kinslayer, but he was
certainly the first to get caught. Later in life the Pope would grant him
absolution for this sin, but in his early days he was hated and feared because
of it. It was around this time that Uuen began to become irritated by some of
his minor vassals, notably Bosun “the Evil” the Duke of Upper Burgundy, who
constantly plotted against him and eventually raised his banners in rebellion,
suffering a quite grisly fate. Wounded in numerous battles, Duke Bosun lost a
hand and part of his face, before ending up in Uuen’s prison, where he died of
cancer soon after. The next Duke, also Bosun, was not much better. Another
vassal causing problems was Alboin of Barcelona, who had managed to hoover up an
astonishing six duchies and was the instigator of most of the factions against
Uuen.</div>
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Uuen married Zoe, Princess of the Byzantine Empire, having
one child together, Uirup. But when Zoe fell pregnant with the child of a lewd
duke, Uuen imprisoned her in a rage. Zoe would live in the prison for the rest
of her life with her bastard daughter, a simple girl who died from disease aged
twelve, leaving her mother alone. Uuen remarried with Èlodie, Princess of
Francia and had a further three children.</div>
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Uuen did not do much in the way of conquering, though, due
to the quite ridiculous defensive pacts formed against the Picts at this time.
In any case, he was concerned with a new threat from the East. The Mongol
Empire was expanding across Eurasia and the eastern Christian kingdoms were
hard pressed to stop their advance, with the fractious Byzantines too concerned
with their own power struggles to put up much of a defence. Uuen elected to aid
the King of Mordvinia in his defence against the Mongols but was too late to
stop the horsemen of the steppes from gobbling up half of the Russians’
territory. Meanwhile the King of Georgia broke free from the Byzantines, and
presumably felt quite smug for a few moments there, before the northern part of
his kingdom was absorbed by the hordes. With Pictish holdings in Bohemia and
Poland directly threatened it looked like war was imminent. </div>
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But it was not in the east that the Mongols struck. When
Georgia broke away, a small portion of Latium south of Rome had gone with it. Now,
with a swathe of Georgian territory in the hands of the Mongols, one county
with a port became property of the Khans. The Mongols aimed to expand that
territory, and using their Italian holdings as a springboard, they wrested Rome
away from the Franks who had held it since before the Pictish/African conquest.
Uuen likely felt a little conflicted on this account. On one hand, hey, thanks
for kicking the Franks out of Rome for us, but on the other… Rome in the hands
of pagan barbarians is not good for Christendom in general and pagan barbarians
in mainland Italy is definitely not something to be tolerated. Uuen “The Black”
– atheist cynic, kinslayer and wife-imprisoner, would play the defender of
Christendom. The Picts declared war, and mustered their armies. Now, by this
point the Mongols 90,000 troop event-spawned doomstack had diminished somewhat,
but they could still field a lot of troops, and had two 20,000 stacks active in
Italy. I fielded an army of just over 40,000, including about 10,000 cavalry and
heavy infantry retinues. In the Tuscan countryside a single, decisive battle
was fought. Thanks to the generalship of Gede, Uuen’s best friend and marshal,
the Mongols were turned back and sent packing, their manpower severely
diminished. The Mongols are now no longer a threat, and the Khan has recently
converted to Christianity. The Holy Father wrote to Uuen thanking him and
requesting that he return Rome to the Fraticelli Papacy. Uuen’s response was
something along the lines of “Sod you, we’re keeping it.”</div>
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Something changed in Uuen after this battle, though. He had
always had an interest in the religions and history of India, and I think he
may have felt kinship with the ancient Indian Emperor Chandragupta Maurya, who
had a life-changing experience after personally witnessing the human cost of
his own conquests. Like Chandragupta Maurya, he converted to Jainism (although
in secret because, yeah, medieval Europe is not the most tolerant of places).
Entering a Jain secret society, he realised that basically everyone has been
secretly practising Jainism for years. His mother, his wife, his good buddy
Gede. Everyone! Uuen and Gede started discussing a plan to eventually convert
the Empire to Jainism. Buuuuuut then he died of food poisoning. I suspect that
Uuen wasn’t taking the whole vegetarian thing seriously. Well, beats starving
yourself to death in a cave, I guess.</div>
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Emperor Gede dealt with some more internal squabbles,
particularly from the awful Dukes of Barcelona and Upper Burgundy, who were a
huge in pain in the ass as usual. To top it off, Gede was monumentally
depressed when his friend Uuen died. Now, Gede was peace-loving secret Jain as
well but he hadn’t quite ditched the warlike streak like his old friend. Thus,
it didn’t take too much for his friend’s son Uirup to convince him to push his
claim on the 9-year-old Byzantine Empress, who was in the middle of a
rebellion. Mustering his troops into five 10,000 man doomstacks, they sieged
their way through Dalmatia, conquering province after province, facing little
resistance from the overwhelmed child Empress. Although Gede died of old age
before the war could be completed, Uirup was now Emperor of both Pictland and
Byzantium. And from this point on the game was essentially unwinnable.</div>
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A word about Uirup. Uirup is the WORST. </div>
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Uuen never wanted this for Uirup. He packed him off as soon
as he came of age to marry a disfigured duchess in England where he would never
have anything asked of him and would never do any harm. Oh boy, was this not
what happened. Somehow, all my vassals voted for Uirup as Gede’s successor,
apparently because they were getting all nostalgic for Uuen’s time in the hot
seat. Don’t worry, it didn’t last long. Uirup has a diplomacy score of zero and
a stewardship score that isn’t much better. Given that he’s also a foreign
conqueror to half of his subjects, he’s having a little trouble. </div>
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The main problem is revenue. I’m bringing in less than nine
gold on a good month. The Empire is now hilariously overstretched. I don’t have
Imperial Administration because I didn’t realise you had to have been changing
laws to favour the ruler all along. My attitude to things like banishment or
war committees is kind of “sure, let them vote on it” so I never felt I needed
to change them. As a result of this, as well as Aniel and Ganant’s reckless
destruction of titles, I have 52 vassals and only a 29 vassal limit. Getting
Imperial Administration at this point is impossible, mainly because none of my
council will support the law changes I propose. Neither will they let me buy favours,
they hate Uirup that much they literally won’t take a bribe from him. I’ve
already given away all the vassals I could, and created all the kingdom titles
I could – Sicily, Croatia, Greece, Armenia, Anatolia, Mesopotamia, maybe a
couple of others – and I could still only get it down to about 32, only for it
to fly back up again when I inevitably had to fight three or four successive
rebellions and revoke the titles from the offenders.</div>
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That’s the other thing. I’m facing continual factions and
revolts. Even vassals that love me because I just made them kings are plotting
against me. I’m currently fighting off some Avarian duke who’s pushing a
courtier’s claim on the Byzantine Empire with only my 10K retinues and about 5K
extra men while at the same time fighting the King of Croatia who’s rebelling
because I tried to have him arrested. And since I’m bankrupt from fighting the
last few wars with mercs, those retinues aren’t going to be reinforced any time
soon.</div>
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To top things off: I am going to lose the Byzantine Empire.
I managed to switch it to tanistry, so that my heir Domelch (Half-brother, Uuen
and Èlodie’s kid) would inherit both. And this worked for a while, before the
electors in Byzantium very deliberately switched their loyalties to Amalrich
“the Just” the goodie-two-shoes Earl of Hamburg, from a cadet branch of the
Uerturio family. I have virtually no plot power so killing him is out of the
question. Except for using the console to kill him, I don’t see any way to
avoid the fact that not only am I going to lose Byzantium to Amalrich, he’s
also going to take his lands in Germany with him, as well as Mauretania and
Andalusia because he’s just been elected heir to those too. So to sum up, I am
losing not only the Empire I conspired and fought so hard to get (all right I
beat a 9-year-old but you get the point) I am also losing two entire Kingdoms –
including my capital, Seville – and a bunch of miscellaneous territory in
Francia. And probably Alexandria since I gave it to the King of Sicily…
aaaaaaagggghhhhh.</div>
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That’s why I say: This is it. This is the high water mark.
It’s never going to get any better than this. This is the beginning of my
empire’s downfall. Trajan was definitely a better Emperor than Uirup, but I
doubt he had the same perspective. To think I harboured dreams of reforming the
Roman Empire itself! To think I planned to push Domelch’s claim on Francia and
take that too! Hubris! Hubris I say!</div>
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I understand why this is happening. To be honest, the game
doesn’t WANT you to be able to take this much territory. Blobbing is fine, up
until a point, and then no more. It’s not really realistic for me to be able to
take over the entirety of Europe. But I wanted to be able to push this as far
as I could, and build the ultimate Pictland to transfer over to EUIV.</div>
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Now I’m not sure what to do. Do I try and steer the Empire
through its downward spiral? Settle for being second best to reinvigorated
Byzantium (third best if you include the now untouchable Francia, I suppose).
Or, the second option… I cheat. I’ll kill Amalrich using a console command,
give myself a buttload of cash and weather the inevitable rebellions. Third
option, I go back to before I declared war on Byzantium, and just don’t do it.
Find some other way to expand my glorious Pictish Empire.</div>
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Or… transfer Byzantium to my primary title and destroy the
Empire of Pictland… thereby making Amalrich my heir, solving a lot of my vassal
problems in the process. Move my capital to Constantinople as I would have
already if there wasn’t so much heat in that vicinity. So what will it be?
Double down on the mistake or try to erase it? Perhaps there’s a chance after
all. Perhaps, if I keep persevering, I can stop the terrible decline… be
Trajan, forever expanding. We’ll see.</div>
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Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-54113384385428286062017-07-27T09:50:00.001-04:002017-07-27T20:26:33.793-04:00Kings of León<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g_SVKJBRhPI/WXqEBV8czPI/AAAAAAAAAd8/iEfSKxl58Gsi_iqkqddEdYsgU4Ol00VnACLcBGAs/s1600/Leon%252C%2Bfull%2Bextent.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="1600" height="360" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-g_SVKJBRhPI/WXqEBV8czPI/AAAAAAAAAd8/iEfSKxl58Gsi_iqkqddEdYsgU4Ol00VnACLcBGAs/s640/Leon%252C%2Bfull%2Bextent.png" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Empire of Leon, in brown</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
It’s no secret that I’m currently obsessed with Paradox’s
Crusader Kings II (a little late to the party, I know). If you follow me on
Twitter you’re probably already sick of me describing the minutia of my
fictional kingdom in unhealthy detail. In an effort to curb the follower
bleed-off I get every time I unleash a 2,000 character tweetstorm about the
king’s bedroom habits or which conniving noble is going to end up with his head
on a pike for opposing me, I’m going to reduce the CK recaps to one blog post
per game. That way I can avoid spamming the followers I have who don’t follow
me for videogames chat.</div>
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Since I’ve already covered the recap thing on Twitter I’ll
just cover it in brief strokes here. I played as the Kingdom of Le<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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the early game trying to complete la Reconquista in double-quick time, but
losing out on some key territory to the Holy Roman Empire (some of which I never
managed to snatch away). After that I moved into Africa, conquering Mauretania
and the former Malian Empire and then opportunistically snatched Sicily,
Scotland (which netted me portions of Greece too) and eventually Italy. The
rest of the game was played under the restriction of a fairly heavy defensive
pact against me which left me picking fights mainly with the HRE and Byzantines
for individual counties. Late in the game I also conquered Hungary and Croatia.
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<br /></div>
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As someone who’s maybe read too many Harry Turtledove books
I love looking at these odd diversions from history and marveling at the
almost-plausibility of it all. I love the way the game starts out recognisable
but can deliver a vastly different world by the time the game is over. Some of
these diversions are more believable than others. Here are a few of the weird
historical occurrences CK2 threw in my way this game:</div>
<ul>
<li>William the Bastard failed in the Norman Conquest,
managing to get about halfway through the Midlands before petering out. Then
instead, Norway conquered England, which only regained independence 100 years
or so later when the HRE absorbed Norway. This meant that all the nobles in
England were of Norwegian descent, and many of the counties were culturally Norwegian.
Even so – and I’m not sure how this happened – the royal dynasty of England
ended up being Ashkenazi Catholics. England had a queen called Yentl, make of
that what you will.</li>
<li>The King of Scotland went on a crusade to evict
the Seljuks from Greece and ended up king of that country as well. Consequently
when I interrupted an attempt by the English to expand north by galloping a
whole bunch of caballeros across the field to claim Scotland, I got half of
Greece too.</li>
<li>France ended up in a very weird civil war
situation. It won Jerusalem in the second crusade and a few hundred years later
Jerusalem declared independence from France and its king took his lands in
France with him. The Scots used the ensuing conflict as an opportunity to seize
Brittany and it was a long time before France was united again, although
Normandy remained “Jerusalem” until game end, even after the Muslims took back
the actual Holy Land. Eventually the Kingdom of Jerusalem (i.e. Normandy) was
inherited by a culturally Cuman dynasty, which was pretty awesome.</li>
<li>I have to say I loved some of the characters I ended up with
too. It’s weird and immersive in a way I didn’t think it would be. A mean,
essentially what you have in front of you is a character sheet like it was
D&D or something – a list of random traits and characteristics. All the
character building really goes on in your head. Where possible I tried to play
my characters true to the characteristics I was given. Some of my favourites
were:</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Queen Fronilda the Just – My second monarch and
the only female character I was able to play. She was educated in the ways of
war by El Cid himself, so it goes without saying she was a little bit OP when
it came to martial pursuits. Conquered Galicia and Aragon, early game. Went on
Crusade and won a great victory against the Abbasids while pregnant with her
third child, despite being wounded.</li>
<li>Emperor Guillen the Fat “Fatty G” – Like a
hyper-competent Robert Baratheon. Hobbies include drinking, fighting and making
bastards. ALMOST conquered France and then fought the Byzantines to install his
brother’s wife on the throne. Then he let his brother die in jail and married
her. Got a taste for being an Emperor after that, so decided to start his own.
Fought off a jihad for Andalusia single-handedly. Learned the hard way that
dogs and cats cannot live together.</li>
<li>Emperor Diego – Louche and indolent. Furious
when his son married a lowborn Muslim girl, then a clubfooted countess. Also
failed to conquer France. Somehow, though, managed to fight off a county claim
by the HRE. Pushed Sicily for his son and then gained a rivalry with Count
Odoin the Spider of Salerno, who he could not succeed in assassinating.
Eventually invited him to a tourney where he perished by accidental lance to
the face. I imagine wine sprayed out of Diego’s nose.</li>
<li>Emperor Juan the Great – Married Princess Bona
of Italy, who cheated on him, infected him with the Lover’s Pox, and then tried
to have him assassinated. Unfortunately Guillen was unable to complete his
revenge and she fled to Italy which coincidentally was the epicentre of an
outbreak of Poison Dick. Conquered much of North Africa. Built a giant tower.</li>
<li><span style="font-family: "symbol"; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span>Emperor Juan the Terrible – Not really sure what
he did that was so terrible, apart from that one time he had his sister
tortured for plotting with the King of England to usurp his throne. Went mad.
Frequently disrobed and howled at the moon. Chased ghost raccoons. Tried to
have his cat burned at the stake.</li>
</ul>
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All good fun. For my current game I started as Chief of the
Fortriu clan in 769 and I'll give you an update on that soon. Thank you for indulging me.</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-52753149832656676582017-05-23T13:54:00.001-04:002017-05-23T14:05:09.915-04:00The Silence of the Xenomorphs<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-efaIokI5Ofg/WSR21zvYMNI/AAAAAAAAAdo/zpK2sj7vg2sZnspDATtTyoDb8XhZhMbcgCLcB/s1600/Michael-Fassbender-as-David-in-ALIEN-COVENANT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="256" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-efaIokI5Ofg/WSR21zvYMNI/AAAAAAAAAdo/zpK2sj7vg2sZnspDATtTyoDb8XhZhMbcgCLcB/s400/Michael-Fassbender-as-David-in-ALIEN-COVENANT.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hello, Clarice.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What follows is a probably slightly
spoilery quasi-review of Alien: Covenant and so if you haven’t seen it yet
exercise discretion.</i><br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien: Covenant</i> has wound up being a
divisive movie. It has been dividing fans of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> franchise since it was still called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus 2</i>, before it absorbed the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> brand name (kiboshing Neill Blomkamp’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien V</i> project in doing so). Reviews are… let’s just say
polarised. Despite this the box office has been surprisingly good, knocking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2</i> from its
lofty perch this weekend. At least that proves that there is still an appetite
for Ridley Scott’s signature beastie out there, despite a decade of awful <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien Vs Predator</i> movies and the
nonsensical <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yeah, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>.
About that. A film supposedly about the smartest and boldest group of
scientists in the world, who also do things like remove their helmets in alien
environments, pet terrifying snake creatures, and all disappear to have sex
while two members of the crew are marooned in an alien bioweapons factory. A
film that made the baffling decision to put Guy Pierce in incredibly
fake-looking old guy makeup rather than hire and actual old guy to play the
role. A film that has a medical bay that only knows how to operate on one
gender of human. A film in which Charlize Theron zigs when simply zagging would
have made all the difference.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>. Shit. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i> would have been a bad enough
film if it hadn’t been essentially an origin story for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> – the one thing the franchise never needed. The alien is an
unknowable space horror – we don’t need to know where it came from and how its
origins are somehow linked to Weyland-Yutani Corp. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i> undermines everything that came before (after?) it by
demystifying the alien. It’s as if H.P. Lovecraft hadn’t died young and at the
age of 60 published an origin story for Cthulhu in which we find out he was
actually created by some random Miskatonic University professor. But, the
damage is done, and a certain part of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien:
Covenant</i> was always going to be damage control.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So how does Scott mitigate the disaster that is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>? By stripping out everything
that didn’t work in that movie, and carrying over everything that did. Out are
the lofty questions about whether or not there’s a god (the central theme is
instead reframed here as the immorality of creation) and hokey old Mr. Weyland
only plays a passing role. Making the transition from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i> to the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i>
series is the one truly good thing to come out of it: Michael Fassbender’s
David. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Make no mistake – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien:
Covenant</i> is David’s movie. Scott makes a good move here by centring his
movie around the charismatic and villainous android. This allows him to
reinvent the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> formula in an
original way. What do I mean by this? Well, if you consider the subgenre shifts
throughout the series – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> defines
the survival horror formula, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Aliens</i>
turns it into a war movie, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien 3</i> is
a prison movie, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien: Resurrection</i>
is <i>The Poseidon Adventure</i> in space… you get the picture. So what subgenre is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien: Covenant</i>? Why, a psychological
thriller/slasher film, of course!</div>
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Bear with me here. Just as Hitchcock cribbed from Dracula
when he made <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Psycho</i>, Scott
shamelessly steals a premise from Hitchcock. Colonists arrive on planet, meet
David, David take them back to his dingy castle, where we get the obligatory
bathing woman murder followed by the inevitable <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">holy-shit-he’s-been-dressing-up-as-his-mother-and-stabbing-people</i>
reveal (which I’d rather not spoil). With David’s love of highbrow music and
literature, his plummy English accent, his flawless comportment – as well as
his total amorality – at this point David resembles Hannibal Lector more than
any other character in film. In fact, his motivation often seems to be the same
as Lector’s – he’s doing evil things simply because he wanted to see what would
happen if he did. Like Lector, David lionises creation and genius while
simultaneously destroying. Like Lector, David does not see this as a paradox.
He is both the work of art, the artist himself, and also somehow the
antithesis of both sides of this coin. Furthermore he explicitly associates himself with
Milton’s Lucifer – the ultimate rebellious creation – when he asks Walter “serve
in heaven or reign in hell.”</div>
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Fassbender is having a ball playing both David and his dour
counterpart, Walter. The movie revels in exploring the psychology of David, and
also plays with the idea that since Elizabeth Shaw repaired him he’s not quite
all there. Walter puts it best with one line: “One wrong note eventually ruins
the entire symphony”. He could be talking about Lector, or his literary successors
Patrick Bateman and Tom Ripley, men who – in the words of Bateman himself are
simply “not there”. Although, that’s not quite it, either, because David – in
comparison with Walter – is very much <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">there</i>.
A personality grown in a vacuum, he exists as a person when he was intended to
be something else, lesser. The fact that I’m even considering this
contradiction surely shows that Fassbender and Scott have created someone very
interesting with David. It’s telling that SPOILER ALERT at the end of the film even
though the alien comes back for one last scare, so does David.</div>
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OK, so I’m cheating a bit here, since psychological
thrillers and slasher films are very different beasts. So I’ve covered the
psychological aspects, so what about the slasher side of things? Well, let’s
just say this isn’t a universe you should ever have sex or take a shower in, or
god forbid try to do both at the same time. It never ends well. In addition,
the fact that the crew of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Covenant</i>
are all couples with their own dynamics, desires and in-jokes gives one the
feeling that what we’re seeing is the outer-space equivalent of a Winnebago
full of horny teens. When they stumble into David’s space motel of horrors the
parallels and callouts are unmissable, despite the fact that David never
physically kills any character during the course of the movie. Slasher duties,
of course, are delegated to our good old friend Mr. Xenomorph.</div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien: Covenant</i>’s
xenomorph is a return to the old-school alien of Scott’s original – a bulky,
long-limbed, elegant bruiser, as opposed to the smaller, swifter things they
became on James Cameron’s watch. Indeed, the creature has rarely looked better
or more menacing. Although I’d take issue with the plot point that David’s
genetic meddling perfected the classic xenomorph formula (remember, the damage
to the mythos was already done with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>
so we’ll be kind here) even the new neomorph with its waaaaaaay more effective
method of procreation looks believably terrifying. What is for sure, anyone who
groused about the aliens seeming to get smaller with every movie will be
pleasantly surprised with the beast here. The classic xenomorph is the chief
threat in two series-highlight action sequences, the aerial fight on top of the
flying loading platform, and the chase in the garage at the end. Both of these
scenes provide enough alien action to please die-hard fans, or those who just
want all the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i> stuff to go
away.</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zdO-ZPqOR_U/WSR3L4YZSFI/AAAAAAAAAds/41lOSv1f2fIYX-G127R8IHKdGQbFWFZTACLcB/s1600/alien%2Bcovenant.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zdO-ZPqOR_U/WSR3L4YZSFI/AAAAAAAAAds/41lOSv1f2fIYX-G127R8IHKdGQbFWFZTACLcB/s320/alien%2Bcovenant.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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A word about the crew of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Covenant</i>: When the movie was being advertised I had basically no hopes
at all for this film. Hey, I love Danny McBride as much as the next guy, but in
an <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> movie? An <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> movie in which James Franco plays
the captain? You can see my worry. But Franco and McBride – frequent
collaborators though they are – don’t even share the screen. Franco’s presence
is limited to being killed in the first five minutes followed by what is
probably a video from the real James Franco’s Instagram account. That’s it. And
McBride… is good in this. He reins in his acting style and actually provides one
of two moments that provide cover for what will surely be one of the biggest
criticisms of the character work in the film – that the crew members don’t seem
to care very much when their spouses are murdered in front of them. McBride’s
choking acknowledgement of the fact that his wife has been a casualty on the
mission, before regaining his composure is a fantastic moment. It acknowledges
the grief but compartmentalises it, making us understand that although the
deaths are crushing the crew emotionally, they are all professionals with a
larger responsibility to each other. The couples’ relationships all feel real,
lived-in. The corny in-jokes about wife-swapping have the feel of gags that
were funny once but are carried on because those are just the in-jokes that you
have. You get the impression the crew are not all necessarily friends, but all
know and respect and care about each other a lot. Even when one character locks
another in a room with a newborn xenomorph to save her own skin, she feels compelled
to come back for her, and in doing so dooms them both. If there’s anything more
poignantly human than that, please tell me. Overall, you care about the crew of
the Covenant in a way you never did about the crew of the Prometheus.</div>
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So is this a worthy sequel to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> and/or <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>?
Let’s take <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> first: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> sequels have always been in the
business of taking the bits you liked about the previous films and remixing
them in a new way. At least the successful ones have. In that respect, I’d call
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien: Covenant</i> a resounding success.
If anything it gets points just for reviving the xenomorph itself as a movie
monster. Let’s be honest, people. We all know what it looks like. The shock’s
worn off. It hasn’t really been scary for a long time. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Covenant</i> sidesteps this problem by giving David top villain billing
and bringing in the neomorphs. But there is no denying that the xenomorph
itself looks and feels more like the robust, threatening monster of days of
yore, before it became a disposable stock-baddy to be gunned down by the dozen
by tough space marines.</div>
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As for being a follow up to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Covenant</i>
improves on the original undeniably. Choosing to refocus the story on David
allows us to frame the schoolboy metaphysical questions through his eyes, and in
doing so nullifies a lot of the mumbo-jumbo that made the first film so
tiresome. And it does answer <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>’s
questions, sort of. We see an Engineer city destroyed, see how the evolution of
the alien bioweapon occurs, and witness David’s elevation to full-blown
supervillainy. Some have called <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Covenant</i>
Scott’s “apology” for <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i>. I
would call that inaccurate. If I had to compare it to anything it would be the
break between Aliens and Alien III, where we find out that Hicks and Newt both
perished in the crash leaving Ripley again, the last survivor. The dismissal of
major characters off-screen is a series hallmark, so it can’t really be faulted
too much here. Nor would I call it a purposeful break with the previous film.
It simply terminated one plot thread and carries on with another, way more
interesting one. Thus <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Covenant</i>
succeeds in combining the threads of both <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i>
and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prometheus</i> and even <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blade Runner</i> into one… I don’t know,
piece of wool? Cosy blanket? It’s a metaphor, dammit.</div>
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So where does the franchise go from here? I’ll admit I’m sad
we’ll never see Blompkamp’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Alien</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">V</i>. But I’ve always hated retcons, and
this is getting into <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">One More Day</i>
territory. I think David has one more movie in him, at least. I’d be interested
to see what his plans are now that he’s effectively usurped his own creator
(not to reveal too much). And as for the xenomorph itself, I’d say there’s life
in the old girl yet.</div>
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Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-91704314361370437972016-08-19T11:18:00.001-04:002016-08-19T11:18:44.939-04:00Fantasy Sucks Episode 2 - The Dinosaur Lords<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--FHcQa-go-k/V7cgj-M2mrI/AAAAAAAAAdA/8j-WjR8sXmgfeGrl6mCw5mm79tGBviP8ACLcB/s1600/dinosaur%2Blords.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/--FHcQa-go-k/V7cgj-M2mrI/AAAAAAAAAdA/8j-WjR8sXmgfeGrl6mCw5mm79tGBviP8ACLcB/s1600/dinosaur%2Blords.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>In the second in my series of occasion and quite bitchy book critiques, I
take on Victor Milan’s <i>The Dinosaur Lords</i>. Since it seems like I'm only ever going to critique things I hated, I'm naming this series Fantasy Sucks. I wrote about the Stormlight Archives a while back, so I'm retconning that review to Episode 1. This is Episode 2. Trigger warning for discussion of rape.</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
George Orwell noted there was such a thing as a “good bad”
book, a work with no real literally merit that is nevertheless completely
entertaining. I hoped that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dinosaur
Lords</i> by Victor Milan would be one of those books. Unfortunately, it isn’t.
It’s a “bad bad” book masquerading as a “good bad” book.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can just hear the elevator pitch for this one. “Dinosaur
knights!” It’s a concept guaranteed to make any self-respecting fantasy nerd’s
waxy ears prick up, and dollar signs appear in the eyes of any publisher.
“Dinosaur knights!” I exclaimed when I first heard of this book. “Endorsed by
George R.R. Martin, you say? SU&TMM!”</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-993qlCckhfg/V7cgS1NqMRI/AAAAAAAAAc8/LTmC2DlWb_ICElAooM1OoIfZ6SaaZ9WogCLcB/s1600/shut%2Bup%2Band%2Btake%2Bmy%2Bmoney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-993qlCckhfg/V7cgS1NqMRI/AAAAAAAAAc8/LTmC2DlWb_ICElAooM1OoIfZ6SaaZ9WogCLcB/s1600/shut%2Bup%2Band%2Btake%2Bmy%2Bmoney.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The problem with <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Dinosaur Lords</i> is that it never really lives up to the promise of the
fantastic cover art or pulpy, irresistible concept. In fact, apart from two or
three battle scenes, and the little bit of set dressing, dinosaurs don’t really
play much of a role in the story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apart
from a few charges of hadrosaur cavalry and a stampede of ankylosaurs, it’s
really just a sub-Game of Thrones fantasy with all the standard grimdark
trappings – morally ambiguous characters, oppressed peasantry, asshole knights,
lashings of misogyny, yada yada yada.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The most baffling choice that Milan makes – apart from
choosing to focus on boring human politics in a novel about WAR DINOSAURS – is
in his setting. The world of Paradise – which the author goes to great pains to
tell us is not earth – is virtually identical to late medieval<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Europe, even down to the names of the
countries (Germany is Alleman, for instance, France Frances, and Ireland
Ayrland). As the book goes on it seems to imply that aliens (Milan calls them
angels, buuuuuuuuut… aliens) at some point kidnapped humans and a few animals
and dropped them on another planet with lower gravity and magical healing
powers and set up some bizarro version of medieval Europe, except with
dinosaurs, because… we don’t really know. Despite this rather convoluted
explanation, the direct-lift country names still just seem like lazy worldbuilding.
It’s as if Milan was trying to build a world with a standard boring
Europe-analogue fantasy setting, but couldn’t be bothered actually using his
imagination and just said “fuck it, I’ll just use a combination of country’s
actual names in languages other than English and simply switching the odd
letter and amend virtually nothing else about the culture or history of these
countries.” I mean, he states that humans have been on this planet for 700
years, and in that time we STILL have the same standard European countries,
albeit with Spain as the dominant power. In that time surely, things would have
changed up a bit. England (sorry Angleterre!) might have renamed itself The
Glorious Kingdom of Chickenbutt and annexed Norway, for instance, but no. And
how would a society in a world with dinosaurs develop differently? It wouldn’t?
Oh. Everything is much the same, except with a figurehead emperor and evil pope
who live in bizarro-Spain. Oh, and aliens who are also fairies and angels.
Fine. Ok. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I could tolerate the nonsensical worldbuilding, of course,
if there was anything in the way of plot. But frankly, there isn’t. This book
suffers heavily from “set up the next one” syndrome. Several characters don’t
really do anything and I get the impression they are only there spinning their
wheels before they become important in the sequel. None of the plotlines really
pay off – sure, a corrupt duke solidifies his hold over a dumb-as-nails
emperor, and a back-from-the-dead mercenary leader begins training a group of
pacifists to defend themselves, but at the end of these stories nothing really
has changed. The pacifists are still threatened, the emperor still dumb as
nails (in fact, there’s a moment of Idiot Plotting regarding this character that I found rather
far-fetched). And all the time these bloody aliens I’M SORRY, ANGELS are
standing around in the background foreshadowing as if the government where
about to enact a permanent ban on it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Again, I could tolerate this (I’m a Wheel of Time fan after
all) if the book has characters I enjoyed spending time with, but nearly all of
them are gloriously flat. But not only flat, but unbelievable. One character –
and I’m not making this up – is a dinosaur knight, expert swordsman and
general, the world’s greatest poet, philosopher, and head of a religious order (who
actually has cults of people following his teachings) despite being about 20
years of age. The other notable character is roguish dinosaur master, bard,
singer, rogue etc. The sole female character is… a princess? She isn’t really
interested in anything apart from mooning after Sir Perfect McMartystu, but she
does get raped. That counts as character development, right?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ugh, that’s another thing. There’s a time and place for
grimdark, when it’s done well. But why is it that every fantasy author is
trying for that tone right now, and seem to think the key to mastering it is
inserting truly tasteless rape scenes into their work? I know some readers who
will literally throw a book down if they see a rape scene coming up.
Personally, I think that’s a little bit drastic, but there has to be a – y’know
– point to it. What is the author trying to say by doing this? It has to be a
little more than <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">weren’t things shit for
women in the middle ages</i>? The rape scene in this book is like a primer on
what <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> to do in this context. It
seems utterly gratuitous, coming as it does in the penultimate chapter from one
of the book’s POV characters. That means that her entire story – a good quarter
of the book – is essentially working up to her sexual violation and there’s no
examination of the consequences of the event. We never even get to know how she
feels about getting raped since she immediately seems to forget about it in the
final chapter. It almost seems to be punishment for her actions running up to
the act – she is portrayed as selfish and quite cruel. Is Milan is trying to
say she deserves it? I have no idea. And it’s not like she’s the only female
character in the book who gets raped. I can think of two other secondary
characters and one random extra who do as well. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dinosaur Lords</i>
should really be a punchy, fun mashup book. It should be <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pride and Prejudice and Zombies</i>. But it’s not. I kind of feel
betrayed. I was stealth-sold a shitty grimdark book when all I really wanted
was knights riding dinosaurs. I mean, it does deliver that to a certain extent –
in the one decent battle scene Milan goes to pains to explain how a dinosaur is
used in battle. But it just isn’t enough and there’s too much clichéd and
dare-I-say-it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">problematic </i>garbage
along for the ride. There are glimmers of what might have been here and there –
the roguish dinosaur master is witty and entertaining, but then they go and
pair him with another character who lacks charisma on a cellular level despite supposedly being a legendary leader of men. The
Princess’s banter with her ladies-in-waiting too is enjoyable. But the plot
sags under the weight of all the foreshadowing. It plods along like a
constipated hadrosaur, never really living up to the promise of its concept.<br />
<br />
Nevertheless this book seems to have done quite well. A sequel, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Dinosaur Knights</i> is out this year.
Here’s hoping Milan gets his act together for the next one, though frankly I’m
not sure I’m willing to subject myself to another one of his books any times
soon.</div>
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<br /></div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-84909929882882352412016-07-13T16:40:00.003-04:002016-07-14T10:22:45.832-04:00I apologise for my earlier comments about Dark Souls<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VHeHFPsvFLA/V4ah5djsnnI/AAAAAAAAAcs/6rbbtlcG9VUDLvXy89s6DjoC5_BM_xJVACLcB/s1600/Red_drake.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VHeHFPsvFLA/V4ah5djsnnI/AAAAAAAAAcs/6rbbtlcG9VUDLvXy89s6DjoC5_BM_xJVACLcB/s400/Red_drake.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Honestly, this dragon can suck it</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
<br />
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">18 months ago I posted
about my <a href="http://adventuresofblackwood.blogspot.ca/2015/01/i-formally-resign-from-dark-souls.html" target="_blank">formal resignation</a> from Dark Souls. After one week and making it as
far as the first bonfire in the Undead Burg, I ragequit the game. It was too
frustrating, too absurdly, deliberately difficult. I couldn’t take plowing into
gigantic enemies with unblockable attacks and dying the same way, over and over
again. I couldn’t handle repetitive, maddening sight of my character expiring
on the mossy flagstones of some god-forsaken hellcastle only inches from
retrieving the souls that would allow me to level up. I could not – as the cool
kids say – “git gud”.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">I am here to tell you
I was wrong.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">When Dark Souls 3 came
out I read a few articles and was drawn to it in the same way I was drawn to
the first (Dark not Demon’s) Souls game. The creepy, bleak fantasy aesthetic,
the bizarre and menacing enemy design, the sense of achievement – all of those
things appealed very much to me. I decided to give Dark Souls one last college
try, and see if I couldn’t wring some enjoyment out of it after all.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Doing this
necessitated a complete change in the way I played the game. My first time
around I didn’t understand how Dark Souls was meant to played. I treated it
like Skyrim at best, or at worst like Golden Axe. I ran in, mace in hand, and
inevitably ended up a red stain on the floor. I didn’t even use the lock-on
mechanic, which probably didn’t help. Hell, I didn’t even bother to block half
the time. I completely failed to appreciate the timing aspect of combat – that
for every enemy there is one moment they are vulnerable to attack. I didn’t
understand that it’s better to draw the enemies to you and engage them one at a
time than rush headlong into an unwinnable melee.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">This is basic Souls
play. I could have learned this easily just by reading a few articles online.
But my transformation from ardent Souls-denier to the Zen master of being
repeatedly murdered did not happen easily. Nor did it happen while I was
playing the game. Rather, before stepping back into Dark Souls I had to tackle
the assumptions I had about gaming in general. I had to examine the very
concept of what a video game was meant to be.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">As a child, I had an
Atari ST, and I played a lot of platform games. Dizzy. Bubble Bobble. All
innocent enough stuff, but these were games it was possible to lose. Three
lives, maybe more, if you’re lucky enough to get an extra one. After that, it’s
all over. You need to start again. Compared to this cutthroat arrangement,
Souls’ die and die and live again ethos was going easy, surely. That’s what I
told myself, anyway. The memory I kept going back to was playing Ghouls N’
Ghosts in the arcade, and later on the Sega Megadrive. In many ways Dark Souls
is retread of this old classic – they share the same dark aesthetic, the same
sense of fear and bleakness, the same punishing learning curve. I only once or
twice managed to get onto the second stage of this game, but to this day one of
my fondest gaming memories is guiding a limping, semi-naked Knight Arthur out
of that creepy graveyard after finally killing that headless giant, before
immediately perishing of course BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. I’ve always wondered
what lay beyond. Now, I supposed, I will never find out. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">I did not want to have that same experience with Dark Souls.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">And so I loaded it up
again, and was reunited with Cuthbert, a nebbish level 9 cleric with a ginger
bowlcut and a face like Freddy Krueger fell asleep on a radial sander. I was
drawn to a goody-two-shoes cleric as my character for Souls because I like a
good holy fool and thought if I’m going to spend the next 300+ hours torturing
someone it should at least be someone who I’ll enjoy watching being brought
low. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Two things had
precipitated my resignation: my inability to kill a Black Knight, and being absolutely destroyed after five seconds when I finally made it up to the Taurus Demon in the
Undead Burg. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">I decided to take
these two problems separately. First I would deal with the knight. To do this,
I changed my tactics entirely. Realising at this point in the game I was
hilariously underpowered, I did something I am loathe to do – grinding. Or
“soul farming” as it is known in Dark Souls lingo. I ran up and down the same
stretch of dungeon, killing the puniest enemies I could find, relearning how to
fight, before buying a bow, a bucketload of arrows, and the ugliest suit of
chainmail I have ever seen. Again, I hate grinding and in order for me to do
this, I had to completely change my idea of what I was doing. Instead of
replaying the same dungeon, grinding for souls, I was going hunting. The Undead
Burg became my hunting grounds, and the common undead within my prey. I would
run up down the familiar areas of the map, killing over and over again. I
learned to savour these moments when I was the most dangerous thing on the
screen.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Finally, when I was
ready, I coaxed the knight out into the open, waited on a roof and
dishonourably arrowed it to death from the top of a ladder it was unable to
climb. That was my first lesson: honour is overrated. Winning is better.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">After levelling up a
few times and dabbing the blade of my estoc with whatever that lightning stuff
is, the Taurus Demon was a cinch. I was honestly shocked at how easy it went
down. It was simply a case of noticing a ladder, climbing said ladder, and
jumping the thing’s head until it died. I couldn’t even believe it.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">That’s when I realised
that there’s always an easy way in every fight: when I was getting obliterated
by the Bell Gargoyles, it was because I hadn’t thought to summon an ally. Once
I did this I was able to easily dispatch both gargoyles without taking much
damage. Even the ones that are currently eluding me, I’m fairly certain that if I level up a bit more and come
back with some better gear, I’ll be able to take them out fairly easy. And
since I just spent a month grinding to get the Lightning Spear miracle, I’ll be
going back to see if can do just that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Sometimes it takes an
unconventional solution to defeat a particular boss. I was having trouble
against Havel the Rock, a particularly annoying knight brandishing a gigantic
dragon tooth that kills with one hit. He’s easy enough to dodge but I wasn’t
doing enough damage to him with my attacks, and as a result I was inevitably
mistiming my rolls and getting taken out. So, I reasoned, if my heavy armour
isn’t helping in this fight, I guess I’ll just take it off so I can roll
faster. So that’s how I ended up dueling Havel the Rock in my underwear,
dashing from one end of the room to the other and smiting him with Lightning
Spear until he gave up the ghost.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">Dark Souls is turning
into an obsession. It's more than a game. It's a crusade that becomes maddeningly personal. It’s the closest to understanding an epic quest mentality I’ve even
had in gaming. Skyrim is fun, but you never feel connected to the quests that
you undertake. Victory seems inevitable, expected. In Dark Souls – to pilfer a
phrase from elsewhere – you have to lose upward. To understand Dark Souls is to
redefine what winning is. Yes, I may die this time, big evil monster, but I
spotted a way to take you out. Maybe I didn’t make it to the next save point,
but I found this new piece of gear that will make it easier to get back to
where I died the next time. Sometimes winning is as little as spotting a ladder
or unlocking a gate which will allow you to take a short cut next time. Every death
is an investment. More and more I’ve found myself actually turning back rather
than pushing forward, banking my souls rather than risk losing them in some
fool attempt I’m not ready for. It is a different kind of game, to be sure.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">And old Cuthbert is looking
a lot more hopeful these days. I mean, he still looks like a sundried tomato
got in a car accident (most of the time, I’m using humanity a lot
more now since I realised the benefits of summoning), but he’s got a new sense
of resolve about him – not to mention a shiny new set of armour and hat made
out of a Bell Gargoyle’s skull.</span><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"> That still doesn't stop him getting pounded to death by prowling demons in the Catacombs, though, not to mention losing 9,000 souls and five humanities NOT THAT I'M BITTER.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA;">It seems weird to take about faith in regards to a videogame. But then, I'm playing as a faith build, and that's somehow become symbolic of the whole struggle. I could get mad at Dark Souls, throw the control pad away and pass the game to a friend like some cursed monkey paw. Or I could smile, turn the other cheek, let the machete-wielding goat demon have his day and go run down some other corridor for a while. At this moment, I have enough faith in my ability to win that dying doesn't seem so bad. It just means I need to try a new tactic. At some point, perhaps I’ll
lose my faith. But I</span> believe I have what it takes to get back up, dust myself off and get back into the fray.<br /><br />I'll let you know how that goes.</span></div>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FNqvFP8G00s/Vstg9Hm2plI/AAAAAAAAAbs/BnT165LkeYg/s1600/pachycephalosaurs.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-FNqvFP8G00s/Vstg9Hm2plI/AAAAAAAAAbs/BnT165LkeYg/s320/pachycephalosaurs.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>10. Pachycephalosaurus</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Pachycephalosaurus, meaning “thick-headed lizard”, roamed
between 66 and 72 million years ago, and is known for its distinctive bony
cranium, which is only marginally painful when pressing into the arch of your
foot as you stagger zombie-like into your child’s room to find out why they
aren’t asleep yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2g4qvjGqQx8/VsthJ_tR1SI/AAAAAAAAAbw/5vi9ioLIth0/s1600/T%2BRex.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2g4qvjGqQx8/VsthJ_tR1SI/AAAAAAAAAbw/5vi9ioLIth0/s320/T%2BRex.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>9. Tyrannosaurus Rex</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A gigantic carnivore weighing up to 6.8 metric tonnes, the
Tyrannosaurus Rex (“Tyrant lizard”) is still an absolute pleasure to stand on
compared to some of the others on this list. Unless you somehow manage to stand
on its erect tail, in which case it can pierce flesh like a needle, if that
needle was made of possibly toxic material in a Chinese toy factory.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ItLI7VrvDiI/VsthSLQP4QI/AAAAAAAAAb0/F5DgakMaiZA/s1600/Diplodocus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="157" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ItLI7VrvDiI/VsthSLQP4QI/AAAAAAAAAb0/F5DgakMaiZA/s320/Diplodocus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b>8. Diplodocus</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The most famous of the sauropod family, Diplodocus lived in
what is now North America at the end of the Jurassic period, and is one of the
most common obstacles encountered when answering your child’s piteous nocturnal
pleas. Diplodocus could grow up to 25 metres long, almost as if it was
deliberately reaching out to trip you down a flight of stairs with its
whip-like tail.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qZK-oRL-Er8/VsthZ0gHPbI/AAAAAAAAAb4/K_lTDA6N0tc/s1600/Revvit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qZK-oRL-Er8/VsthZ0gHPbI/AAAAAAAAAb4/K_lTDA6N0tc/s1600/Revvit.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>7. Revvit</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A fictional creature from the hit Netflix show Dinotrux,
Revvit combines the pain of standing on a prehistoric lizard with the pain of
standing on a box of drill bits.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VoJY9SU8I08/Vsth0ZgpXwI/AAAAAAAAAcA/RzZO2rxfenU/s1600/dimetrodon%2B2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VoJY9SU8I08/Vsth0ZgpXwI/AAAAAAAAAcA/RzZO2rxfenU/s320/dimetrodon%2B2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>6. Dimetrodon</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though technically a non-mammalian synapsid rather than a dinosaur, Dimetrodon
merits mention on this list because of the large sail on its back, which was
likely used to regulate the creature’s body temperature and feels like stepping
on a saw blade when stumbled upon during nighttime bathroom trips.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9ucpHgrXMwU/VstiA00Z35I/AAAAAAAAAcI/BpEubnGgraA/s1600/pternodon_invicta1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-9ucpHgrXMwU/VstiA00Z35I/AAAAAAAAAcI/BpEubnGgraA/s320/pternodon_invicta1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>5. Pteranadon</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Also not a dinosaur. Also, I don’t care because when that
cranial crest is caught between your toes as you’re reaching for the Vicks and
you’re sobbing softly under your breath so as not to wake your sick child, you
won’t see the distinction either. Fie upon you, Pteranadon!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yFnKLKRzBA4/VstiMtJJEdI/AAAAAAAAAcM/yzVVJ9IAod4/s1600/Triceratops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-yFnKLKRzBA4/VstiMtJJEdI/AAAAAAAAAcM/yzVVJ9IAod4/s320/Triceratops.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>4. Triceratops</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Three-horned face”. It seems like a no-brainer that this 9
metre long herbivore would make this list. Those same fierce horns that did
battle with Tyrannosaurus Rex are now doing battle with your ingrown toenail.
And they’re winning, by God, they are winning.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gcMl8D8CgVg/VstiWWleSkI/AAAAAAAAAcQ/dy4bd87gWsk/s1600/Syracosaurus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="164" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-gcMl8D8CgVg/VstiWWleSkI/AAAAAAAAAcQ/dy4bd87gWsk/s320/Syracosaurus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> 3. Styracosaurus</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just look at these deformed bastards. Styracosaurus
literally means “spiked lizard”. No shit, Sherlock. It looks like someone took
a Triceratops and instructed Rob Liefield to give it an "xtreme" makeover. Holy
shit. Just holy shit. Its head is literally exploding with spikes. The only
upside to the Styracosaurus is that it is one of the less common dinosaur toys.
I’m pretty sure my son has never heard of it, and I see no reason to tell him.
Consequently, Styracosaurus never quite achieves the threat level of the last
two malefactors on our list.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Hi4fKHZOG9I/Vstifxh3AZI/AAAAAAAAAcU/_19PNqWVUTM/s1600/ankylosaurus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Hi4fKHZOG9I/Vstifxh3AZI/AAAAAAAAAcU/_19PNqWVUTM/s320/ankylosaurus.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>2. Ankylosaurus</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ankylosaurus is “Fused lizard” in Latin but really, it might
as well be “weaponised hell-turtle footkiller”. It looks like a pincushion with
legs and a bad attitude. Those bone knobs on the shell are known as osteoderms,
but I like to call them “agony-lumps”. Ankylosaurus is one of those dinosaurs
that might “accidentally” find its way into the garbage after one too many
encounters with unsuspecting feet, if only that didn’t mark you out as a
singularly awful human being. Go on, think about throwing it out. Think of your
child’s tearful face when he or she can’t find their beloved ankylosaurus, you
irredeemable shit.<br />
<br />
Why do you hate me, Jesus? Why do you hate my feet?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U7eSc28AufI/VstipK3SL2I/AAAAAAAAAcY/s5assqczpa8/s1600/stegosaurus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U7eSc28AufI/VstipK3SL2I/AAAAAAAAAcY/s5assqczpa8/s1600/stegosaurus.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>1. Stegosaurus</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The humble Stegosaurus may have had a comically small brain,
but whatever malignant God cursed it to live pushed the ‘spikiness’ dial up to
11 to compensate. Stegosaurus seems to have been designed to be so
deliberately, maliciously painful to stand on, it either proves or disproves
the theory of evolution – I can’t decide which. It is appallingly sharp no
matter which way you stand on it. Its set of four tail spikes (known as a “thagomizer”)
has the capacity to pierce the skin of even the most calloused of feet. Its 17 to
22 defensive plates form a ridge across its back the merest tickle of which is
akin to getting your foot stuck in a lathe. My son could not create a more
painful trap for me if he dug a punji pit in the centre of his bedroom and
baited it with beer and pork crackling. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Purely from a design perspective, Stegosaurus is the clear winner here when it comes to permanently damaging the feet of careless parents when they chance to step out of the designated "clean" area of any child's bedroom. It looks like it was designed by the Spanish
Inquisition to torture heretics. I’m certain there is a layer of hell in which sinners are
forced to walk on Stegosauruses for all time. It is the perfect organism for inspiring a toy with which to
mangle a man’s foot. I almost admire it.
</div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-70232809389859071272016-01-19T16:12:00.000-05:002016-01-19T16:19:37.814-05:00Batman, Bickle, Trump and Bundy – Why we need to say goodbye to the Lone Avenger narrative<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q9CVRQTxGh0/Vp6ihSD2gQI/AAAAAAAAAao/1gy6HUSbB5I/s1600/daredevil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-q9CVRQTxGh0/Vp6ihSD2gQI/AAAAAAAAAao/1gy6HUSbB5I/s400/daredevil.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Netflix's Daredevil</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
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After abandoning it the first time round, I finally managed
to catch another episode of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daredevil </i>last
night. Late to the party, I know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s made me think, though, about the concept of heroism.
Every story needs a hero. It’s the one thing you can’t do without, be it a
novel, TV show or movie. Stories sink or swim on the weight of their
protagonists. Does <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daredevil</i> succeed
in this regard? Well, granted I’m only four episodes in, but I can’t say it
provides any compelling reason for me to continue to follow Matt Murdock’s
one-man crusade against crime.</div>
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<br />
The fact is, Matt’s a pretty boring protagonist, straight
from crusading lone-wolf central casting, and giving a second chance to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daredevil </i>has pretty much confirmed for
me something I’ve been feeling for a long time – I’m done with superheroes.
Especially lone, angry, white guys on a one-man crusade against injustice.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
As a storyteller, I can’t help but despise tropes when they’re
employed without irony, and we seem to have reached a point where we’ve reach
peak Lone Avenger. It’s just not realistic, and to top it off, it’s dangerous.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the episode I watched, Matt has accidentally endangered nurse
Claire, who helped patch Matt up when he was injured in the last episode. The
Russian mob are looking for her, and naturally - because it’s well documented
that Daredevil has absolutely no skill at protecting the women in his life –
they find her, and they beat the living shit out of her before Daredevil
rescues her. Now, at this point I thought the show and I were on the same page –
This is exactly the sort of thing that happens when you try to take on the
Russian mob solo. But when Matt apologises to Claire later, she tells him that
he has to keep going, and he’s helping people. Where did that come from? She
has been telling him he’s going to end up dead and he should quit from the
moment she was introduced, so why suddenly does she do a complete U-turn? And
that after being beaten mercilessly by gangsters, she’d forgive the man whose
foolhardy quest and general incompetence led her to endure what – given that
she’s just a regular civilian – is probably the most traumatising experience of
her life, and in fact say it was HER OWN FAULT for helping him in the first
place. Well, because the story needed her to react this way, as unrealistic as
it was.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTNnH5ltOp0/Vp6kz_ttxXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/1CikJuZcNRU/s1600/Daredevil-102.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="223" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nTNnH5ltOp0/Vp6kz_ttxXI/AAAAAAAAAbE/1CikJuZcNRU/s400/Daredevil-102.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Yes, Matt, please tell me again why New York's crime rate is your responsibility."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Bullshit,” I intoned when I saw this. What Claire needed to
do was yell “This is your fault you sanctimonious jerk! What do think was going
to happen when you tried to take on an organised crime syndicate single-handedly?
That’s what the police are for! And by the way, why didn’t you call the cops
when you knew where I was being tortured? I’m pretty sure you could have saved
me, like, 10 minutes of being tortured if you’d just gone through the proper
channels for once. OK, Matt, you can’t see this but I’m flipping you the bird
right now. I’m giving you the one-finger salute. Screw you, Matt.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Daredevil </i>sets up
the idea that Matt is recklessly endangering those around him, and then wusses
out when it comes to the punch by insisting that this is a necessary evil, that
we should accept a little collateral damage when ad hoc street justice is being
done. I think that this is a missed opportunity for the show, and I hope it’s
something they successfully manage to land later. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s the thing: you know the old joke about how if Batman
just put the money he’d otherwise spend on bat-shaped armaments and
crime-predicting computers into a decent urban renewal program and some basic
infrastructure improvements, he’d have an easier time cutting crime in Gotham?
The same goes for blind dudes leaping around Hell’s Kitchen dressed like Satan.
If he spent his time lawyering rather than vigilante-ing, he’d really be doing
his community a favour.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LmMSSZH8Yng/Vp6oQ8D9tGI/AAAAAAAAAbc/l0hYwmpGJNI/s1600/batman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LmMSSZH8Yng/Vp6oQ8D9tGI/AAAAAAAAAbc/l0hYwmpGJNI/s320/batman.jpg" width="203" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Batman, punching some kind of deviant</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
We’re attracted to the myth of the lone wolf vigilante, I
think, because it seems like something we could do ourselves. Every one of us
has seen some jerk harassing someone on the subway and thought “Boy, if I knew kung-fu,
I could really give him what he deserves!” The problem is, it’s not just Batman
and Daredevil, or the Lone Ranger we’re talking about here. It’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Death Wish</i>. It’s <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Taxi Driver</i>. The idea of the lone wolf vigilante is built on
hatred. Hatred for criminals and a hatred for the underclass that is often
indistinguishable in these works. It has been 30 years since Alan Moore
popularised the notion that there’s something inherently fascistic about the
idea of superheroes, and his ideas have never been more relevant. It’s easy to
blame people like Frank Miller for this, a genuinely horrible man with horrible
ideas, who turned Batman into kind of a beefcake brutal version of Donald
Trump, and succeeded in fusing extreme violence, misogyny and gritty nihilism
together in the collective consciousness as the default setting of the more “realistic”
comics of the 80s and 90s. He used the medium of superhero comics to justify his
own twisted worldview, and did it irreparable damage in the process. Miller
also wrote a lot of Daredevil stories, so you can see how this approach is
seeping into the TV show. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Think of every school shooting you’ve ever seen on the news,
every terrorist bombing, and count how often the words “angry loner” are used
to describe the attacker. This is the problem right here. When we’re trained
from birth to look up to angry men taking the law into their own hands, how do
you think we’re going to react when we’re wronged? Exactly, go Charles Bronson
on everybody and get gunned down in a glorious hail of bullets, but only after
giving our enemies the ignominious deaths of cowards. Lone vigilante stories
are the narrative glue behind every bullshit argument against gun control that
the NRA have ever put out there. In the Lone Avenger story, the only thing that
can stop a bad guy with a gun really is a good guy with a gun. Or a sword. Or a
bomb vest. Or whatever.</div>
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<br /></div>
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These stories are inherently libertarian. Built into them is
a healthy distrust of the authorities. The police can’t do their jobs, or else
they are corrupt. How else would all this evil be happening? The government is ineffectual,
or else they are the enemy. You can bet your arse that every member of that
ragtag gang of imbeciles squatting in Malheur Wildlife Refuge is the Batman of
their own personal internal narrative – fighting for the little people against
the evil and corrupt government. George Zimmerman, protecting his community
from the menace of an unarmed black teenager – in his own mind, he’s the
Punisher.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Donald Trump is
definitely a symptom of the same disease – a bilious awful windbag with a black
and white</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nIdnPcQsA5s/Vp6jH0qL6lI/AAAAAAAAAaw/aPlzRHds86U/s1600/trump.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nIdnPcQsA5s/Vp6jH0qL6lI/AAAAAAAAAaw/aPlzRHds86U/s320/trump.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Frank Miller's Donald Trump</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
view of society, obvious prejudices towards anybody who isn’t the
same class and colour as him, absolutely chock-full of entitled anger – but in
his own narrative he’s the hero, a plucky outsider taking out corrupt elites by
beating them at their own game.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same as the GamerGater, posting rape threats online to
keep encroaching feminists out of videogame journalism. The same as Vox Day and
the Sad Puppies, conspiring to try and keep women and people of colour and “Social
Justice Warriors” off the Hugo ballots. Every one of them is their own Batman, and
their own Travis Bickle. I can see them muttering in their dank basements. “One
day a real rain’s gonna come, and it’s going to wash the scum of the streets.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let there be no doubt that these power fantasies – the stories
we are told, and the ones people tell themselves – are fascistic. Trump, Day,
Bickle, Batman, Daredevil – they all seek to impose their will on their communities,
no matter whether or not these lesser people consent to this or even share
their ideas of what is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">good</i> and what
is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">bad</i>. Who’s to say if Bruce Wayne
didn’t make a sizeable donation to Gotham City mental health services and got
the Joker out of Arkham Asylum, he couldn’t be an upstanding member of society?
But no. Instead they rail and scream and persecute. Sometimes they kill.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YdlsxzKcifw/Vp6lf0DDm3I/AAAAAAAAAbQ/AAztWQPn7zc/s1600/zimmerman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-YdlsxzKcifw/Vp6lf0DDm3I/AAAAAAAAAbQ/AAztWQPn7zc/s1600/zimmerman.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">What a vigilante actually looks like</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was a certain individual in my school growing up, who
was subjected daily to taunts and abuse from their peers, which they usually
took in stony silence, for a while, at least. Then they <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">just snapped</i>. Fists, feet, flailing all over the place in a tornado
of impotent rage. Punching, kicking, pummeling anyone that came close enough,
whether they were involved in the bullying or not. Then they were hauled off
the rector, subsequently released, and the process would begin again. That
there, my friends, is our Batman. So sickened by the world, rightly or wrongly,
that they can’t stop themselves from harming others. Less a lone avenger
punishing the wicked, more Michael Douglas in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Falling Down</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is why, as storytellers, we have power. I’m not saying
that, for instance, if we stop writing angry loner characters, we can stop
people from becoming angry loners. Nor if we stopped writing about violence would
we stop violence. That would be ridiculous. But if we can try and stop
proliferating these toxic reflections of masculinity (because it’s always a
man) and power, and – hell, I don’t know – try to write some decent,
well-rounded characters whose motivations and actions are thoroughly and
carefully examined and not shown to be admirable for the sake of the story,
then maybe we can save a few people from sinking into a poisonous mindset and
becoming violent shitbags. In my opinion, we should be doing it anyway, because
it’s just better writing. If we keep glorifying this sort of unsanctioned violence
in our art, failing to do our duty and create nuanced and thoughtful
reflections of the sorts of people who commit these acts in real life, then the
world we get is going to look a lot like one written by Frank Miller. But if we
fix the narrative, change the idea of what it means to be a hero, then maybe we’ll
have done some good.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-43367700145583429272015-12-21T22:51:00.001-05:002015-12-22T11:42:54.904-05:00Dave's spoilerific Star Wars postSPOILERS AFTER THE DROP<br />
PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN FORCE AWAKENS YET<br />
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OK they're probably gone now. If not, it's their own damn fault.<br />
<br />
OH HOLY SHITBALLS STAR WARS!<br />
<br />
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<br />
<br />
I'm struggling to get over the fact that I, a 32-year-old man living in the year 2015 was able to sit in a movie theatre today and watch a Star Wars movie that didn't feel like tossing my inner child into a sarlacc pit to be slowly digested over a thousand years. It happened. Today. To me. I never thought it would. My abiding memory of the prequels - like everybody else's - was a feeling of utter disappointment. The abysmal dialogue and characterisation. The awful pacing. The fact that none of the characters were even slightly likeable. The fact it seemed to sully all that went before it. It felt like nothing going forward in life would ever be as colourful and carefree and pure as it was before. The Star Wars prequels were more or less childhood's end for a generation of 70s and 80s kids.<br />
<br />
But I am here to tell you that is no longer the case. It all makes sense now. Those irredeemable prequels had to happen to get all of the storytelling crap out of the system. An origin story (ugh) for Vader is the logical place to go to start off with, even though it killed any sense of suspense the story might have had, and saddled the story with so much shit that needed to happen but just wasn't that interesting. However, J.J. Abrams obviously did his damnedest to avoid the same pitfalls in his film, and he seems to have learned a number of crucial lessons from the prequels.<br />
<br />
The first lesson Abrams learned was to keep it simple. The prequels were rightly criticised for focusing too much on trade and politics. If anything Abrams plays it too simple with his portrayal of the galactic political situation. Little attempt is made to explain how the Resistance and the Republic relate to one another, or how the First Order rose from the ashes of the Empire. The yellow text at the beginning might as well read SEE STAR WARS: AFTERMATH (CHUCK WENDIG, OUT NOW). And yet, this is the only niggling bad point I can come up with in regards to this film. Straight off the bat I realised I didn't care, for the moment at least. I'd delve into the new expanded universe later.<br />
<br />
Another reason the prequels needed to happen was to clue Abrams into a fact that expanded universe readers have known forever. It's not just about tossing out the same characters and hitting the same story beats. What people wanted to see all along was more of the incredible world Lucas created, and see more diverse and interesting characters moving around in it. Rather than the plastic, indistinguishable Jedi of the prequels, we're introduced to a genuinely interesting team of characters, all of whom have agency and don't simply exist to drive the plot from A to B. Poe Dameron is the cocky fighter pilot type, Finn is on the path to redemption, and Rey is on the hero's journey to unlock her force powers. Together they have so much chemistry, especially Daisy Ridley's Rey and John Boyega's Finn, whose friendship-maybe more relationship is particularly well done. Also, I think that if anyone says they wouldn't like to buddy up with Poe, they're probably lying.<br />
<br />
With that triumvirate complete, they add the crowning glory: Harrison Ford is back as Han Solo, playing the aging smuggler with a great deal more conviction than he did Indiana Jones in his most recent outing. Han snarks at Chewie, blasts stormtroopers and cracks wise like it's 1983 again (or its galaxy far far away equivalent). At the same time, Abrams pulls a beautiful act of inversion and positions Han - the scoundrel, the skeptic - in the role of wise old mentor a la Obi-Wan Kenobi in A New Hope. Harrison Ford's hangdog face really conveys the weight of Han's years and all of the terrible things that went down after the Battle of Endor. It's when Carrie Fisher shows up as Leia, we get to see hints of the old, smooth Han. Really, based on Ford's solid performance in this film I would be happy with him leading the team into the second movie of the new trilogy. But the wise old master role is not without its pitfalls.<br />
<br />
So they kill Han Solo. You bastard, Abrams!<br />
<br />
In the context of the movie, it makes perfect sense. Han had reached the end of his arc. He embraced the ideal of family, of belonging, which is what the first trilogy was really about for him. He'd been running from his responsibilities pretty much since Ben Solo's heelturn. Walking out on that gantry to confront Kylo Ren AND ENCOURAGE HIM TO EMBRACE THE LIGHT SIDE OF THE FORCE EVEN THOUGH HE KNEW HE WOULD KILL HIM is the most Obi-Wan thing that Obi-Wan never did. I saw it coming, but somehow I was still shocked. Abrams killed Han Solo, but to be perfectly honest, if it were me reviving Star Wars, I'd very likely have gone down the same route, for the same reasons. RIP Han Solo, you'd better return as a force ghost in the next one.<br />
<br />
Adam Driver deserves a lot of credit for this scene. When he was cast as Kylo Ren I was nonplussed. But he embodies the conflict of someone struggling against parts of their own nature. Driver is 100 times better at this than Hayden Christensen ever was. I also particularly enjoyed his rage-out when he demolished a console with his lightsaber. He's volatile, emotionally unstable, damaged and unpredictable. Unlike Vader, he actually needs that mask. During the scene with Rey where he removes it, and you see for the first time that he is in fact human - that somehow makes him scarier.<br />
<br />
My favourite scene, though, was the final one. Since Luke was always my favourite when I was growing up, and I was waiting for him to show up for the entire thing, very aware by the end he hadn't appeared. When Rey takes the Falcon to Planet Skellig Michael to find him, I thought there was going to be a Return of the King one-too-many-endings thing going on. But instead she climbs the hill, sees Luke, and wordlessly offers him his lightsaber. Bam. Perfect ending. A wonderful emotional note to end on, because Luke looks so broken up by the fact he knows his exile is over. Also, because now he looks just like Alec Guinness did in A New Hope. The whole thing has come full circle. And if Abrams can avoid trying to duplicate frame for frame the original trilogy and just have fun playing in that same, magnificent sandbox, then I think we'll be OK. <br />
<br />
ASSORTED MUSINGS:<br />
1) Chewbacca goes freaking mental when Han is killed. It's adorable.<br />
2) Chewie flirts with a nurse.<br />
3) I didn't see a single lens flare in this one.<br />
4) I love how Abrams got the character of the droids, something that was completely missing from the prequels.<br />
5) Check out 3P0 completely cockblocking Han.<br />
6) Has anyone thought about what a Marty Stu Luke is? He's a Space Samurai Wizard Fighter Pilot. That's like a five-year-old's dream resume.<br />
7) If Han was the Obi-Wan in this movie, I guess that means Luke is Yoda in the next.<br />
8) Space Lupita's bar is a worthy successor to the Mos Eisley Cantina.<br />
9) It was fun watching Domhnall Gleason getting his own back on Oscar Isaac for his treatment in Ex Machina.<br />
10) Seeing George Osborne's name pop up in the Special Thanks part of the credits was nauseating. That reptile scumbag pops up everywhere.<br />
11) I want an X-Wing.<br />
12) The re-introduction of the Falcon is lovely, but an awful big coincidence. <br />
<br />
In short: <br />
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EDIT: Here are a number of other thoughts that popped into my head last night while being kept awake by a screaming infant:<br />
12) Poe and Finn's bromance is so instantaneous it momentarily seems possible the pair might move to the Outer Rim together and herd nerfs.<br />
13) Star Wars was very different from any big tent pole movie these days. At the end of it, one of my first thoughts was "I can't wait to see what happens next!" something I don't ever remember thinking coming out of, say, an Avengers movie.<br />
14) If I can have one more quibble with poorly explained plot - Why is it so important to find Luke? Kylo Ren is obsessed with killing him, so I can buy the First Order looking for him, but why is it so important for the Resistance? Sure, he's a badass war hero, but this is a world where the majority of people still don't believe in the Force.<br />
15) Did anyone else notice Poe and Rey shared no screen time together?<br />
16) General Hux is about one Demi-Hitler away from Full Hitler during his speech. Spittle everywhere.<br />
17) Did anyone count the number of whoohoos, yeeehoos, or variants thereof?<br />
<br />Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-89424382249431113142015-05-26T16:48:00.000-04:002015-05-26T16:51:46.788-04:00We Are Not (Exploding) Things<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bzFOuKES2fM/VWTcpbgwSdI/AAAAAAAAAZ0/vySPFye1uJI/s1600/Mad-Max-Fury-Road-flame-guitar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="261" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bzFOuKES2fM/VWTcpbgwSdI/AAAAAAAAAZ0/vySPFye1uJI/s400/Mad-Max-Fury-Road-flame-guitar.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I want one of these so much.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>*Here be spoilers* </b><br />
<br />
I finally managed to see Mad Max: Fury Road at the weekend, and man, does it live up to the hype - both as a feminist manifesto and a balls-to-wall action thrill-ride. I don't think I can overstate how beautiful I think this film is. It's fantastically shot, the stunts and vehicle design are outrageous, and it is the most - hell, only - emotionally powerful action movie I've seen since Inception.<br />
<br />
Lots of people are complaining about this movie. Mostly because they're the sort of people who like to complain about things they don't get. Usually it's Men's Rights Activists moaning that Mad Max is forced to play second fiddle to bunch of slimy girls, and whinging that the film tries to force them to - shock and horror - see said women as equal to men. Or it's traditionalists who are infuriated by the shifting of focus away from Max himself and onto other characters. To be perfectly honest - to my mind - these two arguments are more or less inseparable, but let's address them separately for the sake of fairness.<br />
<br />
<b>1) Ugh! Female characters with agency who aren't just there to be damseled or raped!</b><br />
- Go fuck yourself.<br />
<br />
<b>2) This isn't a Mad Max movie. Mad Max isn't even the main character.</b><br />
- Well, maybe he isn't, and that's a good thing. It's worth remembering that Beyond Thunderdome almost didn't have Max in it at all. It was a completely different story about the kids, and Max was merely inserted in on the suggestion of a producer. So we've established George Miller wants to tell different stories. Does that make him the bad guy here? Max's character arc is already well established. It would be boring as hell if Miller didn't introduce some new, memorable characters.<br />
<br />
Speaking as a fan of the first three movies (In order of preference: Road Warrior, Thunderdome, Mad Max) everything about this movie makes perfect sense in the context of the series. Mad Max shows society crumbling, The Road Warrior shows the survivors picking over the scraps, Thunderdome highlights the challenge and pitfalls of rebuilding civilisation, and Fury Road shows us that the greed and messianic entitlement that doomed the world in the first place is alive and well, even in the wasteland.<br />
<br />
The film illustrates this point through the juxtaposition of two generations of characters. Immortan Joe, the weakened dictator, obsessed with his own legacy and greedily hogging all of the resources in the wasteland, represents the blind leaders and 1%ers who doomed the world in the first place. Then there's Max, the cynic, for whom "hope is a mistake" and Imperator Furiosa, who says she wants redemption - but revenge might be more accurate. If you contrast those three with Joe's "wives" - who've been through hell but still haven't lost that hope that Max denies - and Nux, the indoctrinated boy soldier, who gets a crash course (no pun intended) in self-determination, you see a beautiful contrast.<br />
<br />
That's why the complaints about the feminist ideology of the movie annoy me so much - what holds true for the female characters also holds true for the male ones. "We are not things" says Splendid. The girls, with Furiosa's help, are taking the first steps towards establishing their personhood. Nux, coming face to face with the falsehoods he's believed his entire life does the same thing. And then you have Max, who's been essentially reduced to a thing - as much an animal as the two-headed lizard he snacks on at the beginning of the film. He can't tell Furiosa his name until the dying moments of the film because it's not until then that he truly regains his identity.<br />
<br />
This is a theme that we've seen time and time again in the Mad Max movies. In The Road Warrior the grown-up Feral Kid tells us that the wasteland was where Max "learned to live again." All through the movie we see the person he once was fighting to come back to life, from the half-smile that flickers across his face when he finds the music box, to his burgeoning friendship with the Feral Kid and the Gyro Captain. In Thunderdome, we've got an embittered Max, but again, one who risks his life to protect a group of innocents. Mad Max is the story of a survivor. But it isn't water or gasoline that helps Max to survive. It's the kindling of these small flames of hope for a better future that keep bringing him back from the edge.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Feral Kid approves this message.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-38596110640593365772015-05-19T16:35:00.000-04:002016-08-19T11:23:46.102-04:00Fantasy Sucks Episode 1 - The Way of Kings<b><br /></b>
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<b>I've decided I'm going to start doing book reviews on this blog. I figure it's a good way for me to mentally organise myself while I'm doing the first draft of the new novel - if I can figure out here what I like and what I dislike in other people's work, perhaps I can keep on track without descending into to my habitual 7-year timeline of endless plot revisions. I'm not George R.R. Martin. This isn't a new Guns N' Roses album. If I'm going to make this work for me as a job (obviously not my only job) I'm going to need to be finishing a 100,000 book every 12-18 months. Of course, I should really concentrate on selling the one I've got, but that's another story. In the meantime, my new strategy is to have a clear idea of what I'm doing before I start, and then just write it.</b><br />
<br />
Which brings us to <i>The Way of Kings</i>, which is a phenomenally successfully fantasy novel by Brandon Sanderson. Since I'm trying to write a phenomenally successful fantasy novel, this seems like a good place to start, right?<br />
<br />
I have to admit being a bit slow in picking up<i> </i>this first volume in the Stormlight Archives series. I also have to disclose this belated review is perhaps coloured by the considerable sprain in my hand from carrying this BRICK of a novel around with me everywhere for the last couple of weeks. And it is an immense book, clocking in at around 1,000 pages, acceptable for a fantasy author but damn right unforgivable for anyone else.<br />
<br />
The length is one of the main problems I have with this book. There are three main perspective characters: Kaladin, a surgeon's son forced into slavery; Dalinar, brother to the murdered king, who is plagued by strange visions; and Shallan, an apprentice scholar trying to steal a valuable artifact. The problem is that these three stories are spread out over 1,000 pages and don't really go anywhere. Sure, Kaladin wins his freedom at the end of the book after gallantly rescuing Dalinar, but Dalinar's visions are left unresolved, and Shallan's theft - when it does come off - doesn't really lead to anything.<br />
<br />
Any good editor would have cut half of this book. Half. 500 pages.<br />
<br />
It's not like there's a tremendous amount of world building that goes into Sanderson's world, either. Sure, we get a sense of the different nations, different cultures - that stuff is actually very well done - but really there are only two locations we see in any depth, the warzone of the Shattered Plains and the city of Kharbranth (the former much more than the latter, since that's where two of the three protagonists are located).<br />
<br />
My beef is that the character's arcs are unnecessarily convoluted. Kaladin - who it seems is being set up for a tropey sort of 'chosen one' arc - begins as a defiant slave, fails to escape a bunch of times, then experiences a loss of hope. Then he has a change of heart, and decides to help save his team of expendable "bridgemen". Unfortunately, then he has another change of heart and spends about a quarter of the novel moping about how it's all pointless. Somehow, the men who now follow him still look up to him, and when he finally decides to care again he throws away their escape plan to help Dalinar, who rewards them by making them his personal honour guard. Suspending disbelief for a moment that bunch of malnourished slaves who had never held a spear before could fight better than regular soldiers, there's a long wait in this story for very little in the way of payoff. Kaladin's attitude to his plight is up and down like he's riding an emotional pogo stick.<br />
<br />
Likewise Dalinar's story. In the beginning, he's suffering from apocalyptic visions, which he doubts. Over time, he comes to believe there might be something to them. Then he abruptly changes his mind and decides to abdicate in favour of his son. Then he changes his mind again, and decides not to abdicate. Then his visions are proven to be true, but misleading. So he ends up in the same place he started, wracked with doubt. The visions aren't explained, except that they come "from the Almighty" (I didn't know that Sanderson was mega religious until I read his wikipedia page today, but it makes sense given the world he's created, and the vaguely messianic implications of Kaladin's storyline).<br />
<br />
In addition, the plot twists (with the exception of one, which came out of nowhere) are too predictable. Although we don't see the reason for Kaladin's enslavement until the final chapters, by the time we get there the reader has likely already figured it out. The same with Shallan's "crime" that she continually alludes to. By the time she says it out loud, you've already known for quite some time.<br />
<br />
There are bright spots though - the fight scenes, of which there are many, are an utter joy. The concept of Shardblades and Shardplate - essentially semi-corporeal mythic weapons so powerful that they can allow one warrior to literally turn the tide of a battle - is intriguing and Sanderson has a lot of fun with it. There's certainly a lot of poignancy to Dalinar's disgust at his own actions in battle, using his super-powered armour and sword - which basically turn him into a human tank - to slaughter hundreds of enemies at a time. The best though, is the gravity-flipping magic used by the assassin, Szeth. Epic fights are even more epic when they are performed on the ceiling, or when they involve flipping large boulders into your adversaries by simply persuading the rock that down is <i>that</i> way.<br />
<br />
Will I come back for the second volume in the series? I have to say, I might not, and my OCD rarely allows me to neglect reading an entire series. I guess I'll have to read some reviews and see if the characterisation problems have been ironed out. What I'm really concerned is that Sanderson might have ruined the Wheel of Time, a series I genuinely do enjoy, for all its faults. Time will tell, since there are like 800 books and I'm only one book four.<br />
<br />Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28252837.post-53574174448447652202015-01-31T22:01:00.001-05:002015-01-31T22:01:48.246-05:00I formally resign from Dark Souls<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Alas, poor Cuthbert. I knew him well.</td></tr>
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I quit Dark Souls. I quit. I quit. I quit.<br />
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I missed it when it came out, and to be honest, I wish I'd left it missed. I heard it described as "the most rewarding gaming experience ever" and that piqued my interest. I wish that statement had been qualified with "it's the most rewarding gaming experience ever if you are the sort of person who watched that bit in the Shawshank Redemption when Tim Robbins pulls himself through several miles of sewer pipe and comes out in the rain on the other side and thought to yourself 'wow, that looks rewarding.'" I get it. I get that beating a hugely difficult game will make you feel like a champ. But is that feeling worth all the suffering and horror to get there? Like, I imagine prosecuting the guy who murdered your wife feels pretty good, but at the end of the day you probably would trade that feeling for just not having your wife murdered in the first place.<br />
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I did not play Dark Souls for very long. Maybe a week. Less, probably. I got as far as the second bonfire in the Undead Burg, before I flipped my lid and turned it off, probably forever. I enjoyed my character, Cuthbert, a snooty cleric with a ginger bowlcut. I didn't even mind the fact he took hit after hit, because in my mind it was all part of the character. I was looking forward to turning him into a sort of paladin-type with cool miracles and perhaps a sword. Maybe a halberd (I dig polearms and you don't get to use them in many games).<br />
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But after two days of being killed mercilessly and going back to that same fricking bonfire, I could take no more. It wasn't that gigantic Black Knight that kept killing me that did it, or those awful guys with spears. It was those assholes with the firebombs. Something seemed to snap in the game after a while and I was no longer able to sneak up on them. No matter where I moved they were always facing me and I couldn't get close to them without being incinerated. And these are the easiest bad guys in the game?<br />
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No. Fuck that.<br />
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It's not that it's the hardest game I have ever played. Hard is fine. I like hard. I'm the kind of guy who plays RPGs with the weapons their character is worst with just because I get bored of kicking too much ass. It's not that the game is unfair, because it isn't. If you knew the tricks for defeating every enemy, it would be possible to make it through every level unscathed without dying once. But you would have to be fucking Taskmaster with perfect muscle memory to do it. I don't mind dying. In fact so many of the deaths in Dark Souls are actually hilarious - I got filleted by ghosts, mashed by a completely unexpected boulder, hammered into a paste by a giant demon - I enjoyed them. But constant trivial death at the hands of the most banal enemies? I just can't handle that.<br />
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I think it will just get worse as the game goes on, and just be harder to quit. So, here it is, Dark Souls. We're just not good for one another. My life doesn't fit you. In another time, perhaps, when I was determined and obsessed with my Csports ranking and I had no wife and toddler and jobhunting and novel writing, perhaps I would have persevered and beat you. Perhaps I would brayed and whooped at your defeat. But that's not who I am now.<br />
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I reckon I probably get two hours a week of videogames. Gaming is almost a Taoist experience for me. It's the only time in my life when I am not thinking, planning or plotting. I even do it in my dreams. But gaming is when I am truly able to switch off. I'd rather those times were spent with enjoyable experiences rather than confounding and irritating ones.<br />
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I don't usually quit games. The only one I can think of offhand that I did quit was GTA IV, because it bored me. I will play any game through to the end, so long as I'm enjoying it. But if I don't enjoy it, then why play? What is this, sports?<br />
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So, yeah, that's me. I'm downloading Kingdoms of Amalur now because it was $3.99 on Xbox Live, and it was on my list anyway.<br />
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I don't even feel like a massive failure. It's Dark Souls fault for being the videogaming equivalent of some Japanese game show where you have to eat a tarantula while being shot in the gonads with a paintball gun.<br />
<br />Blackwoodhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11259748977798483162noreply@blogger.com0